


Diamonds (Aren't) Forever

by haraldstad2joni



Series: A Living Hell in The Southeast [3]
Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Lee Pace - Fandom, Richard Armitage - Fandom, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Actors as Soldiers, Almost Kiss, Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Vietnam, American Soldiers, Bromance, Established Relationship, Graphic Description, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, History-based Fiction, Homophobia Era, Lee and Richard found love in a war, M/M, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5891446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haraldstad2joni/pseuds/haraldstad2joni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Wolfhounds 27th Infantry including the third platoon of C Company were relocated to Patrol Base Diamond in Tay Ninh only 3 kilometers from the Parrot's Beak the border of Vietnam-Cambodia. The closer they got to the border, the worse they would be attacked. As well as Richard who got closer to Lee in their second day in the new base. Love is on the way and enemy is on mission. Loving someone in the wrong time and place would not be so easy to overcome with mortars and rockets fire around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Digging the Diamond

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer**  
>  This story is only **based** on some actual events occurred during Vietnam War. Some part of it would be **fictionalized**. So, don't get me wrong, I have no intention to insult anyone, especially Vietnam veterans who actually fought in some combat actions that would be mentioned in this story. This work is **pure** fiction.

**Patrol Base Diamond, Tay Ninh, 35 Miles Northwest of Saigon, South Vietnam**

The 2nd Battalion of Wolfhounds arrived at the new made patrol base. It was just another exhausting midday in place _only_ 3 kilometers from _The Parrot’s Beak_ border of Vietnam and Cambodia. The patrol base was newly built by The 27th Infantry Regiment, located 25 kilometers south of Tay Ninh city. It was a large diamond shaped dry area and supposed to be the point to tease NVA and VC to attack. As the soldiers came, they still had works to do. The bunkers and perimeters still needed more sandbags to cover. 

Every unit just went to their works. The Third Platoon occupied their quarters. Men gathered in one ground, with no shelter beneath the hard biting sun in the middle of the day. They got to love the place soon as they would live there for uncertain period. For them, it was nothing but coming back to the real life in The Nam. They were getting used as soon as they arrived. 

“Come on boys, the sandbags ain’t ready yet, better work now before _Mr. Charles_ shitting on you,” Adrien commanded his platoon men. Guys started with their shovels, filling empty bags with sand. Literally it was not sand, by the way. The guys had to dig on the hard and dried soil before put it on the sandbags. 

Lee worked with some guys completing one sand wall. They already did such things many times during their days in Vietnam but admitted that staying on the comfortable rear area in Cu Chi made them a little bit lazy.

“Bloom is a real son of a bitch,” Lee mumbled and followed by Dean’s laughter.

“He got the R&R and fly to Hawaii,” Dean said, shaking a half filled sandbag, “He deserves it, but still, he miss the best part of sandbagging,” he chuckled.

“He never meet his little boy, guess this gonna make him so fuckin’ happy,” Lee giggled.

“Guess so. Why’d the fuck you don’t go for R&R? Crazy Dick got permission for his men to that chance,” Dean asked, “You’ve staying here too long, Pacey.”

Lee smiled, stop digging for a while, “Bo Martin deserves better, Gore,” he answered, “His son was born not so long ago,” he shrugged, “Hey, look at you, Gory, now you stay here too, don’t ye?”

“I got the R&R on last Christmas and spent five days in Japan with some bitches,” Dean smirked, smoking his half-left cigarette, “I recommend you to go there. That’s a nice place.”

“Prostitution ain’t my choice, bud,” Lee shook his head, “Guess it would just overwhelm me.”

“You need to relax, Pace. When Playboy doesn’t work on you, you need to try something real. I heard Saigon got so many hot Asian babes too,” Dean laughed.

“Be careful of those girls, Gore. I heard many Vietcong female spies do the mission as whores and they got razor in their pussies. It would make you bleed to death when you fuck ‘em,” Lee’s expression got serious and made the other sergeant winced, “For better or worse if you’re alive you got your dick cut short for the rest of your life,” he pointed his shovel to Dean’s groin. 

“Damn it, Pace. You tried to scare me off,” Dean jumped away and frowned, “Guess that’s because you got no fuckin’ pussies for these last three years in the Nam, so you envying me, don’t ye?” he burst in laughter.

Lee blushed, “Damn you fucker. What else is on your mind except boobs and pussies?” he chuckled.

“That’s a man’s nature, Pacey. Take a look around us, no women to be found. Getting chances like R&R makes it easy. It’s better than rape Vietnamese village girls like those fuckers did,” Dean said. He lifted the fulfilled sandbags and put them on the piles. 

Lee left dumbfounded for a second to hear the words ‘man’s nature’ from his longtime buddy, “Shit, yeah. I think ‘bout something else rather than chicks’ hot bodies,” he mumbled. 

“What a good man,” Dean shook his head and laughed again, “Are you _virgin_ Pace?”

The tall sergeant stopped digging. The moment Dean asked him that question was exactly the same as Richard suddenly appeared from nowhere and stood right next to him. He rolled his eyes and blinked rapidly, “What the fuck are you talkin’ about, Gore?” he sounded a little bit panic and couldn’t hide his blushing while his friend could just muffled a laughter. 

Richard looked at both of them. He kept shifting his eyes from one sergeant to another before saying something, “Well, nice work, go on, boys,” he raised his eyebrows and just left. He heard that question for sure and he saw the blush on Lee’s cheeks when Dean asked it. He could just giggle on his way out. 

“Hey you didn’t answer me yet, Skeeter,” Dean teased the frowning sergeant. Lee didn’t really like his platoon nickname by the way. Yet just like Dean who was called _Gory_ or _Gore_ as the short of O’Gorman, the guys called him _Skeeter_. To be honest that was for his long legs that ‘reminded’ them to mosquito’s legs—in fact he was a lot skinnier when he got trained at Schofield than now, his long legs once might be more skeeter-like. 

“It doesn’t matter. Nobody’s virgin here, The Nam fucked our ass for too long,” Lee tried to find the better words.

Dean chuckled. He always found a way to make fun of his friends, especially Lee, “Come on, Pacey. It’s been three years and I don’t know yet, even Crazy Dick wanna hear it from you too,” he snorted.

Lee raised his eyebrows. His blushing was getting worse, “Shit, you fuckin’ asshole!” he grinned and hit Dean’s leg with the shovel playfully. Of course, he was a virgin, Lee told at heart. 

“You’re still shy boy after three years,” Dean muttered before taking a big gulp of water from his canteen. 

Lee chuckled, “But now at least I can grow beard like you. You have no reason to shit on me ‘bout that anymore,” he said while unbuttoning his shirt and put it on the piles.

The Irish-born man smiled, “You grow up fast. Ah, what a stupid thing, we’ve been here for more than three years. Three tours of duty, man, you know that,” he wiped the pouring sweat on his temple. 

“You miss America?” Lee asked and started digging again after drinking from his canteen.

“Not really,” Dean shrugged, lit another cigarette, “I don’t think that place is my home anymore. People jail me out there, better staying here like motherfuckers. You get paid, free foods, cigarettes, a lot of booze, even weeds. Sometimes you get fuckin’ hot bitches when you’re on lucky R&R. that’s what good bout the Nam, Skeeter.”

“What an asshole,” Lee snorted. Despite his annoying and careless manner, Lee could understand what Dean was really talking about, “Uh-uh, but keep off of trouble here, or you get your ass court-martialed.”

“Hey come on, I’m not those fuckin’ Miller’s bitches,” Dean frowned, “They had to get their fuckin dicks court-martialed for sure.”

“Yeah, that was supposed to,” Lee mumbled, “But the case is closed. We can do nothing now, the cover up was on, that’s it. Look what we’ve got, Gore. Our tour of duty is still on the way while there should be rotation.”

“I know that. They’ve fucked us all up. They don’t want this trouble comin’ up in USA,” Dean nodded, “Do you really want this last TOD over, Pace?”

“I dunno,” Lee shrugged, wiping some droplets of sweat from his cheek, “Too long stayin’ here makes me don’t wanna go home. That’s stupid, but I fear something out there when I’m getting too used to be here. That’s _alienation_ , man.”

“Aye, that shit,” Dean stood up, picking a full sandbag and put it on the pile.

 

The sandbagging and wall establishment stopped at dusk. By the time darkness came, the base already enough with some amounts of heavy equipments to anticipate the enemy’s sudden attack. Yet they still needed more gunship support for the next day. North Vietnamese forces liked to give surprise at night. While the soldiers could at least rest in their perimeter during the night, they would just sleep with one eye opened. The guards already took over. The new base was ready to anticipate any unexpected things.

February already marked the coming up for Communist serial raids after The Tet 1968. Tay Ninh City was attacked during the early year as well as some villages and hamlets in Hau Nghia. Enemies urgently needed food and medicine supports in those areas. That was why Tropic Lightning decided to build a patrol base close to the border. The Parrot’s Beak was a vital area for NVA and Vietcong where they established a massive base area and it was only 3 kilometers from Diamond standpoint. If 25th Division didn’t encourage the troops to move closer to the enemy’s den, they wouldn’t be able to go further. The closer they were to the border would tease the enemy to launch more intensive attacks which meant give the Americans more chances to pass the border quickly and hit the enemy defense in Cambodia effectively than waiting the North Vietnamese penetrated southwestern frontier of Vietnam first. 

The Wolfhounds back on duty. After some rest for a while, they finally returned to their nature to fight. Soldiers would not really stay in one place. They would march until the war they battled end. The war that they didn’t knew too much. The possibility to finish was too blurred. People still died everyday and politicians kept walking on water in Washington D.C. Things were getting worse in each part. By December 31 1968, U.S Soldiers in Vietnam reached more than half million with about 30.000 killed in action and almost 200.000 wounded in action. That was just the countable one, the rests were unknown. 

 

February 21. The enlisted men woke up early at morning for some usual exercise. They still had job to do today. The sandbagging and wall establishing continued earlier to finish right at the time. No one really slept last night but that was just how troopers slept. The base became so busy and it wasn’t six o’clock yet. The air covered by thick morning fogs but people kept coming around. 

Radio at one bunker was on, broadcasting some news and primarily just _good morning Vietnam_ things to cheer up soldier’s life today. Smoke was up where some guys had their morning coffee and tea along with some cigarettes. They chilled out for a moment before their platoon sergeant moved around and telling them to start working. The cold misty morning in Tay Ninh made soldiers stayed on the bunkers for a while. 

Richard thought differently. He finished up his morning coffee, skipped the shaving time and just walking around the base. He slept quite comfortable last night even he did it almost with one eye opened like usual. His nerves already set up automatically not to lost in total unconsciousness during his time in Vietnam. He got used for such thing at least about four years long. Sometimes he thought when he could get back home he would get difficulty to change his habit. Yet now he was still in The Nam, with coffee helped to stay alert at day and some booze to relax at night. 

The lieutenant looked around where his platoon quarters on. He heard guys chattering and laughing and his presence turned them all in silence. As much as they got used with him for quite long time, he still didn’t understand why every time he appeared from nowhere, his sudden presence still intimidated them anyhow. This mostly happened to new enlisted men who were here no more than one year.

“Good morning Vietnam,” Richard mumbled with cigarette slipped in between his lips, “Chill out troops, keep your ass clean,” his eyes searched every face of his men. They looked alright, just a little bit lousy from sleep. They smiled at him and started laughing again. 

“Morning, Sir,” Eddie Spears got out from a bunker with a canteen cup of hot coffee in his hand, “Join us and get some coffee,” the Native American soldier looked up, inviting his platoon leader.

“Thanks, Red. Just finished mine, well, you see Pace?” Richard unconsciously asked that man’s name. 

“That lad got out early. I didn’t know where he is, maybe taking shit somewhere,” Eddie snorted, sipping the drink from the brim of his cup.

Richard giggled, “Alright, bud. Gonna take some walk. Take your time,” he waved his hands and walked away. 

His men looked at his back for a moment, thinking about how looked so careless their leader was. Yes, he looked that way for people who never knew him—or never wanted to, but for them, it was just the old cover of a book because he was a great and tough man inside. They fought with him and they gave no shit like other people did to him. Richard never left them, or at least he tried not to. When he got an R&R in early 1968, he went back to his men in less than a week because Tet Offensive began at the end of January. That was just the same as when he got shot here and there or the worst when he got some part of his face and neck burned, he got to spend several days in hospital and escaped several times just to get back to his men. 

On the one hand, Richard wasn’t really good guy type though. He was a brooder and sometimes bad tempered officer. He wouldn’t think twice to beat his men in the head when they did things wrong and more than terrible enough to make every new enlisted man scared off of him. The scars in his face told both right and wrong stories that made people thought about various prejudices against him. No matter what people said about him, deep inside Richard thought he was more like an _alienated antihero_ in a strange land. 

 

Richard halted his pace. His boots soles kicked dusts below. He smirked looking at the tall figure before him. The sergeant he was looking for sat on a pile of sandbags, a cigarette between two fingers, and on his combat jacket to avoid morning coldness. 

“How’re you doin’ L.T?” Lee smiled coyly.

Richard shrugged and sat right next to the man, “Warming up, walkin’ around. What’re you doin’ here, Sarge?”

“Get some fresh air,” Lee glanced at the lieutenant, eyes focusing on the slim long nose that getting reddened for cold, “This goddamned place is cold at night and early morning but turns into living hell at the midday.” 

“Yeah, just wait till April and we’ll get things worse,” Richard mumbled.

“Right, the southwest monsoon, wet, humid, and hot, then hard rainfall all the way. Getting into jungle patrol will be suck, could get some trench foot,” Lee nodded. His mind was definitely not on the weather topic, it was on the man himself. He felt a little bit too awkward talking to Richard since that night they almost kissed.

“Um, Lee,” Richard muttered. His blue eyes went into puppy mode which made Lee surprised and blushed so easily. The sergeant betted nobody ever seen such thing—nobody in the Nam where everybody knew him as the tough Crazy Dick.

“Yeah,” Lee rolled his eyes and his caterpillar-like eyebrows quirked.

“Sorry ‘bout that night,” Richard said. His eyes now searched something in Lee’s face, trying to read his expression when he told it.

Lee understood what those words referred to and turned his face away from Richard for a moment, “It’s okay. I feel sorry ‘bout that too,” he nodded but cursed at heart and shouted in his mind that he felt sorry because the kiss was gone forever. He didn’t want to admit that now he wanted it again while trying to forget it. Richard would be the one to blame.

“Do you think, um, we’ve gone too far with that?” Richard encouraged himself to ask it. He wanted to clarify it as clear as possible—in manly way of course, so he tried to be as bold as he could. He was afraid of making Lee felt uncomfortable with what he had done to him that night.

Lee snorted. Now he looked at the face where soft stubble started to grow, “I dunno,” he sighed, “Booze always be the devil for such circumstance. Don’t blame yourself, it was my fault too,” he tilted his face, looked up at the cloudy morning sky. 

“I think about this too much lately, thought that you might be offended or embarrassed with what I’ve done, thought I lost control too,” Richard said in low slowly voice, sounded like he tried so hard to choose every word he told carefully. 

Lee raised his thick eyebrows. What Richard was just telling him made his heartbeat raced. Richard thought about that too much and made no difference for what he did too. He didn’t say a word and groped his jacket looking for cigarettes. 

Richard sighed, biting his lower tiny lip, glancing over the sergeant who looked down, avoid his eyes. He waited for him to say a word, any word, but he kept silent and just dragging his cigarette deep.

“Are you mad at me, Lee?” Richard asked, started to lose his temper but kept taking control of himself. 

Lee looked at his lieutenant. He didn’t mad at him at all. He was just too confused to tell. With a sigh he shook his head, “No, just confused,” he lifted his trembling hand which holding cigarette in two of his fingers. The other hand gripped hard at the hem of his jacket denying he trembled like hell. When Lee got nervous he would turn as cold as ice and Tay Ninh unfriendly morning air made it worse now.

Richard noticed his hands movement and it didn’t seem really normal. Lee must be so nervous with him around talking about that incredibly awkward night. He grew up a bigger feeling for him and never regretted to try kissing the sergeant for himself. He wanted it pretty much. But he considered what that man felt as well. He probably wasn’t ready or didn’t tolerate such thing. 

“Gimme your hand,” Richard murmured. He pulled one of Lee’s hands that gripped the jacket. The sergeant pulled back, shocked for the constant and sudden movement. He looked down and became more like a pouted little boy.

“You look so cold, just gimme your hand,” Richard almost pleaded. He pulled Lee’s forearm and grasped his big hand. The sergeant gave up, his arm went limped. He surrendered under the lieutenant’s touch.

“You’re cold,” Richard murmured. His eyes still searched Lee’s, begging him to look back at him. He felt stunningly strange while holding that pale cold hand. Lee had longer fingers than him. His fingernails were slim and long. His palms were big and rough as his own for working too much with field equipments. Then he put his warm palm against the cold one with all gentleness he could give.

Lee wanted to _shoot himself_ with his M16 right in his head. The weird warm feeling burdened him heavier than B-52’s bombs. At first he wanted to pull his hand back and just left Richard there, but he couldn’t. He would never want to resist the touch now. Richard’s hands were _warm_ even in the coldness and amazingly calmed him down. Those hands, though they were rough but felt like a magic healer’s hands. They gave him comforts as much as he wanted.

Richard smiled when finally Lee fixed his eyes on him. With the warmth in his hand, Lee could start to blush again. He smiled back coyly and finished the cigarette. He gave the other hand and Richard was the one who blushed right now.

The lieutenant held the sergeants cold hands. He did it tight to transfer the heat to him. Deep inside himself he felt unexplainably happy. Two pairs of big long fingered hands _entwined_ in the strangest yet most _beautiful_ state they ever had in Vietnam. 

“Why’d you do this to me?” Lee shyly asked. He already searched the answer in pair of clear steel blue eyes before him.

“Because you’re cold and I’m not that stupid to let you trembling like shit,” Richard chuckled and kept rubbing his warm palms against Lee’s.

Lee followed a chuckle. His eyes shifted to a West Point class ring in Richard’s left ringfinger. He could read the writing inside the big round black gem ‘West Point Class 1963’.

“I never see your West Pointer ring this close before,” Lee mumbled, eyes still fixed on the precious and prestigious silver ring. He could hear Richard only humming and giggling, “You never take it off your finger, don’t ye?”

Richard shook his head, “I think it’s stuck already. I just let it be, for me it’s just a ring, West Pointer or not, I no longer care anymore,” he said. 

“Richard,” Lee murmured. The lieutenant looked at him in the way that make him thought he was the most beautiful man he ever seen in his life—and poorly just realized it too late, “Have you ever done this to someone else in the Nam before?”

“Why’d you ask me that question?” Richard stopped rubbing Lee’s hands with his own.

“I’m just wondering. Is that wrong?” Lee frowned.

Richard shook his head, “Nah, well, I never did.”

“So why’d you do this to me?”

“Are you gonna hate me for this?”

Lee grunted, “No, motherfucker, I just wanna know.”

Richard winced and laughed softly, “Okay, I dunno why I do this thing to you. Just never be so close to other guys for these last four years here. I admit I need someone to talk to,” he paused letting Lee got closer to him, “I just wanna be your, uhm, your friend, a kinda close friend maybe, oh shit, this is so fuckin’ weird to hear myself talkin this way. Is it wrong?”

Lee chuckled, his cheeks burned, “you’ve been my friend during my time in this place, but yeah, we’re just getting’ closer these days. It’s alright, Rich, nothing’s wrong ‘bout that,” he gripped Richard’s hands firmly.

“Thanks,” Richard muttered and smiled, “you’re the only person who see me this stupid and clumsy by the way, so congratulation for this rare opportunity, you win Sarge,” he giggled tickly.

“Oh, I’m so lucky for getting’ this chance. I don’t fuckin’ see Crazy Dick here, I see Rich the clumsy guy,” Lee laughed and his eyes pinned to the pair of blues, trying to look deep inside him to know what he was actually thinking about.

Richard smirked and let go Lee’s hands as they were no longer cold. People started to walk around the place they were in, so they got to look as normal as possible. To be honest, the longer they kept the feeling, they were getting bold and careless about the rules of being straight. It was absolutely hard for both of them to decide and to confess themselves that they did grow deeper affection against each other.

Vietnam wasn’t a good place to fall in love. That was true for them and tried so hard to keep those words in mind. But they were just human and had no power to avoid feeling within themselves. Things they could do now at least were just not to think about that too much and let everything happened naturally. They would keep fighting when needed, though it was hard at heart, they had to prioritize one thing over another. 

Nobody confessed they _loved_ each other. Those words were as deadly as Vietcong booby traps. It would kill them instantly. Words could go wrong. Both were afraid they would ruin the existed relationship. So keeping them in each other’s mind was the best thing to do. One wasn’t sure the other had thought in common and vice versa. It just left them more doubts at heart and saying they loved each other wasn’t good choice. It would feel like running into landmines. 

“It’s almost 0700,” Richard glanced down at his watch, “Brody will lookin’ for you.”

“Yeah, he will,” Lee shrugged and got up from the sandbags piles.

Both walked side by side. The fogs started to disappear as sun was getting high. There would be just another hot and dry day in Tay Ninh with the overwhelming midday expossure and downpour of sweats during the sandbagging.


	2. An Overnight Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They started to think by stayed in Vietnam longer than they thought made them closer and even closer everyday. Yes, everything happened lately drew them closer to each other and made them sure that they’re secretly in love. No words to tell, they just let everything be as it was..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! :/ now here we go ;)

February 24. The fire supports for the patrol base was complete the day before. The perimeters and bunkers were now more well-prepared in case the NVA and Vietcong surprised them with attacks. The sky turned red in the west and darkness started coming. Night time at the patrol base was a little bit gloomy, only some lights on the posts and around the perimeters. The bunkers were lighted by some dimmed gas lamps. 

It was almost eight when Lee played hearts and spades with Dean and the others. Their rifles were always on the reach. Guys chattered and chilled out like usual. Everything seemed so quiet outside. Just like the other nights, soldiers stayed on their bunkers or smoke cigarettes outside. 

They kept talking and cursing during the games when suddenly someone shouted outside the bunkers, “We’re attacked!” and they started to hear howitzers flared on the north border.

Lee grabbed his M16 and ran outside. They were finally attacked. There was still no sign the enemies penetrated the perimeter but they were close enough. It was just the beginning. Soldiers were ready on their place. There would be something worse. 

Richard ran from one bunker and jumped the sandbags wall where his men were on, “two NVA battalions are on the way. The ARVN reported from Ap Binh Hoa village they’re moving from the southwest. Lock and load, boys. Prepare your ass! We’re heading to the perimeter,” he said calmly and loaded his M16A1. Even in such situation he still could have a cigarette slipped in between his lips. 

One platoon moved to the southwest perimeter along with an element of Bravo Company. They were supported by artillery fortunately. Around 210 men would make several groups of light fire teams, they stayed on the perimeter waited for the NVA to come.

Lee looked down at his watched and it was now 20.30. A group of NVA in estimated 400 men started to penetrate the border and Third Platoon stood by against them. The artillery men prepared the howitzers and tried to push the enemy away from the perimeter. Yet still, the fire contacts could no longer been avoided. Enemies engage with adequate gunship and no other choice rather than brought them down on the point.

Richard stayed behind the sand wall, protecting his body from upcoming running bullets. At first he could only hear some boots clad feet stumped behind the darkness. Then soon, gunfire roared along the way. He shot several times against some NVA soldiers. The place was quite dark and he could not clearly see their position. But that was combat. He was getting used for such thing, so he just fired anything that moved and ran into him out of the enemy lines. 

The M101 105 mm Howitzer fired and rumbled the ground. It fired the projectiles at about ten rounds per minute in the first three minutes and ranged up to seven miles. There were two Howitzers in The Diamond as support taken from Fire Base Jackson. Both should already cut off the enemy’s artillery power back there but not for the fearless North Vietnamese comrades who penetrated the perimeter and fought like a maniac. 

Lee stayed up in his position. He knew there were still more than enough ammo in his rifle so that he fired any objects that came up to him. The M16A1 at his hand with loaded 30 rounds magazine fired against those who had 8.3 pounds AKM with them along with the same amount of loaded magazine. He and all of his men had the fair rivals for this combat. 

Dean was a machine gunner and he fought with his M60. As the enemies rained the perimeter with their bullets, he cursed and swore all the way to his machine gunner assistant. The caliber 7.62mm machine gun got a little bit trouble. The Vietnam harsh tropical climate affected such weapon though he often cleaned and checked it from time to time. 

“Dammit, kid, what’s the matter with this fuckin’ pig?!” Dean shouted, unintentionally out loud due to the rumbling Howitzers’ sound on the back.

“I dunno, sarge, something’s troubling with the barrel,” PFC Jones shrieked, hands still on the bullet belts. 

“Shit, ain’t no time to change the barrel now, fucker!” Dean cursed, “They’re shitting on us with those goddamned PK Machine Guns. Let’s get out of here!”

“But sarge,” the assistant stayed stills on the place and Dean hit him on his helmet.

“Get better place to fix the barrel or you’re gonna die here, deep shit!” Dean pulled the machine gun and ran to the safer foxhole where his assistant followed and finally could take a very short time to change the barrel. Then they positioned the gun on the mount and started to beat the enemies over again. 

The more enemies penetrated the border, the more air got filled up with flying bullets. Darkness was lighted up by the fire from everyone’s rifle. North Vietnamese comrades started to fall down one by one. The gunfire was still on its way, trying to bring down the rivals in each position. It wasn’t really wrong if the ARVN from the village outpost mentioned around 400 hundreds NVAs came down to attack the base. There were too many of them. That was what North Vietnam had. They had the men—a massive group of comrades who had guts to be face to face with killing machine and died for it. 

Lee took a time between his firing to look down at his watch again. It was 21.10. He always felt weird every time he had to look down at his watch in such situation, yet he always did. It seemed like a habitual thing during his time serving in Vietnam, and was always at the critical moments of gunfire and explosion. 

The sergeant moved from behind a sandbags wall to another closer to the border. He ran as fast as he could and the enemies engaged him with several bullets which some almost hit his legs. He got to make it a kind of zigzag thing. He tried to reload the magazine when he heard something hissed around. It took seconds for him to realize someone threw a grenade and he had no much time to rethink. He moved away. The grenade exploded, destroyed the sandbags, pushed him to get down and crawled. Loading his rifle along his way, he took the risk of being shot. 

Yet someone give Lee covering fire. He didn’t really care until he landed behind a sandbag wall and tried to catch his breath back.  
“Having good time, huh sonny boy?” A baritone voice clung in Lee’s ear and forced him to open his eyes. 

Lee went dumbfounded for a moment and he got distracted by Light Fire Team aircraft started to cover the base from above. He searched behind the shadow and found a silhouette of long hooked nose. 

“Is that you, L.T?” Lee asked. 

The lieutenant hummed, “I saw you almost get your ass blown off out there,” he chuckled.

Lee mumbled something incoherently in response of the wrong time chuckling of his lieutenant, “And it seemed like you’re so happy seeing my ass almost blown off,” he nodded. 

Enemies engaged the fire support by launching their 37mm anti-aircraft weapon. Things got worse all over the place. Now the Howitzers got their equal rival in making the ground shaking like hell. 

Richard reloaded his rifle and crawled out of the darker place. Now the sergeant could saw him clearer. He smirked, “We’re only half of them, let’s see who’ll be the champ and who’ll be fucked up.” 

“These gooks are crazy, Rich,” Lee mumbled, “They never run out of men.”

Richard almost said something when enemy’s machine guns pointed at them, left countless bullet holes on the other side of the sandbags. He rose up a little bit and fired back at them, looking two or three men fell down by his shoots.

“We got enough support over here, boy,” Richard sighed, “But yeah, I know, PAVN is enormous bastards,” he smirked. 

The gunfire continued in the next half an hour. The Third Platoon stayed on the position while some from the Bravo Company moved to the south where another attack started out there. The base was quite a mess by the time NVA struggled to occupy some bunkers. The fire kept on the way to prevent them moved further. Howitzers and aircraft fire team worked while the anti-aircraft artillery still struck tried to make the combat fair. 

The air was full of dust and smoke. As it disappeared, Richard watched over the sandbags, looked around at the countless dead bodies in the perimeters. 

“Seize fire, seize fire!” he shouted, giving his men a command to stop as he saw there were only dead bodies around the perimeters. The air was now clearer and everything turned silently still. 

The men still on the foxholes and took cover behind the sandbags wall. Then the sound from PRC77 radiotelephone that Tony carried broke up the short silence.

_“All CS, This is third SUB contact report, over,”_

Tony gave the telephone to the lieutenant, “Third SUB, this is Charlie 3, send, over,” Richard waited for the next message.

_“Charlie 3, this is third SUB, ARVN reported a battalion of NVA with artillery support move toward Diamond at 2245 grid 300 203, over.”_

“Third SUB, roger, send more fire support at southwest perimeter grid XT 342 192, over,” Richard said, tried so to look for a glimpse of light to read the note he took out hastily from the pocket.

_“Charlie 3, copy. Hold in your position, watch along the border, over,”_

“Third SUB, wilco, out,” Richard left the net. He put his helmet down in his lap and looked both at his radiotelephone man and his sergeant, “They’re comin’ down here, Pace, go tell Brody to stand by,” he commanded and the sergeant left the sandbags, looked for the platoon sergeant. 

Minutes went by. Everybody stayed on the position and stayed alert for any suspicious sign from the enemy. Hours passed by and nothing happened but creepy silence. The men at position started to be bored. It had been almost two hours since their lieutenant received a report about a size of battalion NVA came down to Diamond. 

Lee got into a new position as Adrien commanded. He took the sandbags wall closest to the border. His fire team consisted of himself, Jack the boy and the sniper Eddie Spears. He no longer felt bored but started to get sleepy. His hand groped his jacket, looked for a lighter and picked one cigarette from the pack attached to his helmet by a band. 

“Don’t sleep, you little scumbag,” Lee mumbled, pointing at Jack who looked too drowsy while lit the cigarette on. 

Jack shook his head in surprise, “damn, Sarge, the night is too fuckin’ cold, a nice time to go to sleep,” he said. 

“I’m not gonna wake you up when the gooks come down to slit your throat,” Lee smirked.

The young soldier smiled weakly, “that’s too sarcastic,” he chuckled, “Are they really comin’ down here? It’s been two hours tho.”

Eddie moved his eyes away from his pointing sniper rifle, “That’s the way the gooks try to fool us. Mr. Charles is a good surprise giver, aren’t they?” he snorted. 

“Exactly,” Lee nodded, “They could just make us wait till dawn, and when we prepare to back down, they’re gonna blow our ass off,” he suddenly moved in an uncomfortable way and made the other two winced, “shit, ain’t a good time to pee, but damn, the beer shouldn’t make me piss my pants off,” he got up and went to a darker corner of the wall to unload his bladder. 

Lee dragged the cigarette in his lips hands-freely and jolted a little bit for the tickle sensation of relief. He hummed something and was about to tell his friends something while suddenly 82mm mortar hit the ground outside the corner. He faced down the ground and heard some men shouted at their own positions that they were under attack. 

Silence turned into a living hell in seconds. Enemy’s rocket started to fly over the base, delivering something like New Year ’s Eve presents for the Americans. More NVAs came down to penetrate the border, carrying and attacking the standby rivals with their little best friend—the RPG. Gunfire could not be avoided at the point everything turned into a big mess. Few minutes later at 0103 the ground attack was on the show. NVAs collaborated with Vietcong guerillas tried to push deeper into the base, struggled to take over some nearby bunkers. The Wolfhounds stayed on all directions tried to push them back out of the perimeter and forced to make things got worse. 

Third Platoon of Charlie Company and other two platoons of Bravo Company had the same effort to prevent enemy took over the southwest bunkers in which they really attempted to do. Rocket and mortar kept hitting the ground while howitzers and some aircraft fire supports launched fairly. 

Now the base was full of fire. It was no longer quiet and dark. Seemed like there was a party started, it began taking casualties from the attacked while the attackers had once awhile ago. Some foxholes in the north could no longer hold the enemy to withdraw from the perimeter. They kept coming in and their main point is the north border. While the south perimeter was equally worse as many anti-aircraft attack came up from there. 

For Richard, to shoot at the enemy was no longer as easy as before. They were covered by more powerful artillery by now. Every time he wanted to start a shoot, some RPG would flare around, and mortars or rockets blown off. His position was a total mess. He thought he was surrounded by the enemy as they got easier access by the artillery support.  
Yet, still, he tried to shoot as many as he could. He didn’t run out of ammo, but if they kept coming in until the morning came, he would. The foxhole he and Tony were in now was a mess. He realized, they would not survive there any longer but moved into another foxhole at the moment wasn’t really a good choice. 

“We can’t be here too long, Tony,” Richard shouted to his radioman.

“So what now, Sir?” Tony shouted back. 

Richard didn’t answer for a while, he tilted his head, looked at the surrounding, searching for the nearest better foxhole, “you moved to that foxhole on the west, I’m gonna give you covering fire,” he said. 

The radioman hold his eyeglasses frame, pushed it back to the right position, “What? What about you?” he asked, “No, Lieutenant, I can’t do that. I can’t leave you out here. If we gotta move, we both move,” he refused.

“No, Tony, if we move together, we both would be killed. If you stay, you’re gonna die here,” Richard insisted.

As Tony became more hesitate, the enemy kept firing against their miserable sandbags wall, “uh, I dunno sir, I just…” he stopped, fingers still on the eyeglasses frame implying the way he was on confusion and anxiety. 

Richard looked at the man in the eye, “this ain’t your first combat, be a man, you can’t always follow me like shit every time!” he shouted bitterly, “now what?! You’re gonna go or die here, sonny boy?! You’re not gonna die if you do as I say, now run, and I’ll give you covering fire! Or you want me to shoot your miserable ass, motherfucker?!” now he lost his temper and hit the radioman’s head in the helmet, made him shocked and constantly ran out of the foxhole to another.

The lieutenant never gave any shit. He didn’t play with words. He did what he told he would. By the moment Tony ran to the safer foxhole, everything was so terrible and the radioman was exactly surrounded by bullets and explosions. Yet he kept running away and the lieutenant covered him. 

By the time seeing Tony joined the others out there, Richard sighed in relief. He closed his eyes for a moment before another rocket hit his surrounding, forced him to move out as soon as possible. He looked at the west foxhole direction and was almost running into it while the next mortar blocked his way out there. The gunfire was too bad to go through. Under the siege of explosions, he searched for other directions, at another foxhole or bunker. The other nearer was on the east and the distance was almost as twice as the one at west, but he had no choice. He had to be there or died soon as now his sandbags wall was ruined in half, not enough to give him cover. 

Richard took a deep breath, eyes focused on the route he would take. He had been in such situation too many times and he didn’t want to make mistake now. When he was ready, he finally ran out of his miserable foxhole to the east one. He didn’t see anyone at sight at the foxhole and wished he wouldn’t encounter enemy who unexpectedly took over it. 

At the beginning he didn’t get any attack from the enemy, but on the first half, PK machineguns started roaring, aiming at him. He ran faster while his mind was full of thought of getting shot because the situation was worse for him than what it seemed. He pointed the rifle at the suspecting enemy position from where the fire began while kept himself on the right way to the foxhole. 

Unexpectedly, Richard suddenly got covering fire from the foxhole. Yet still the enemy’s machineguns pointed at him, the vital target in the kill zone. For anyone who was there, he felt so thankful as if they didn’t give him covering fire in the second half of his way he would possibly get shot down. 

Foxhole was before his eyes and Richard was ready to jump in. The man in the foxhole was hiding on the shade of sandbags wall. As Richard could see the helmet when he almost rose up, he heard the massive explosion behind him. The rocket hit the ground. Richard jumped through the sandbags into the hole and struck the man to cover him from the explosion.

The heat burned Richard’s back. He kept pinning down the man to the ground. The sound of explosion droned his ears so painfully until he could only keep his eyes shut tight for a moment. The next time he realized how his face was on the man’s strong neck, buried awkwardly in strange comfortable sensation. His body was right on the man’s and it was guiltily so firm and quite muscular. He had long legs, must be a _tall man_ , as their boots hit each other on the ground, and knees were on knees. He tilted his head a little bit and could only see their helmets were off not far from their heads and that no one was around but the man only.

Richard swallowed as he heard the man groaned weakly under him. He felt the voice was incredibly _recognizable_. The place was too dark, but now he could look at the silhouette of the man’s face and his haircut, and then he realized the man who was that tall or taller than him must be… 

“Hey, Rich, are you alright?” Lee’s voice was a little bit trembled. 

“Wh…what? Lee?” Richard started to sound panic. He felt really weird, totally weird. 

“Yeah, um, yeah, it’s me,” Lee said clumsily and awkwardly. 

Richard chuckled coyly and licked his lips nervously. He met Lee’s gaze in the dark. His body still pinned down the sergeant below. One second felt like forever. He never had any contact this way close with the man he grew feeling to. Now that their chests down contacted one another was absolutely too far gone. 

Lee swallowed down. He tilted his head a little bit to get closer to the lieutenant’s face. The sensation of being pinned down affected him badly, especially to the matter of fact that the lieutenant’s _groin_ was on his— _right on it_. He knew and realized well how it wasn’t a very good time to such thing, but having his lieutenant lied down on him made him thought out of his own miserable hell. He instantly wanted him and wanted them to do more things. 

Their faces got close one to another, close and even closer than the one they got on their last night in Cu Chi. They could hear the heartbeat in each other chest was like howitzer rumbling. Unconsciously, Richard pinned even _harder_ down made the sergeant let out a soft moan. His mouth slightly opened and there it caused more spittle to swallow down Richard’s throat. 

There their eyes caught each other very close and two lips were _only_ separated by thin air. One more push and they would have been _kissed_. Yes, it was until the sudden rumble on the ground followed by the ear-aching sound of explosion and big fire of hitting mortar messed it all up. Both of them got shocked and moved away, constantly covered themselves from the possible damage caused by the mortar nearby. 

Both of them slowly got up from their position. Richard took his rifle followed by his sergeant and they put into standby, started firing at the enemies who drew closer to them. He looked up to the sky. It was almost dawn as the sky started to lose its blackness. 

“Where’s your fire team?” Richard asked, reload his rifle.

Lee glanced at him. He still blushed by the way, but the darkness covered it up perfectly, “I don’t know. The fucking mess happened. We ran away from the foxhole, rocket hit it like shit. It’s funny that no one is here,” he answered. 

“Good it’s not taken over by the gooks. They really did. Three bunkers at southeast, what the fuck,” Richard said. He tried to act as normal as possible. He would think much about it later and he guessed he could hardly sleep after. 

The aerial bombs from the support aircraft fire team hit the base ground over and over. It did well for the Wolfhounds soldiers but not much, mostly devastating, yet still it had to do to stop the enemy’s action no matter what. 

The gunfire and bombing continued until the morning really came. Lee and Richard stayed on their foxhole, kept firing as long as the enemy still on their way. The sergeant looked up to the blood red sky at the hint of dawn. Things were going to be over soon. The morning fogs came down mixed up with the smokes. It was about 0515 when the sergeant looked down at his watch. It marked the enemy’s last launching mortar on the base ground.

Everything turned to be so blurred. Then silence took over, only shouting to seize fire. The artillery was given the sign to end mission at 0530. Men came out of their foxholes, still with loaded guns, swept the surrounding areas. 

Richard looked for his radioman, accompanied by the sergeant. He needed to report to the station about the last situation on the hot LZ. Then he commanded his platoon sergeant to check the men, in case there would be casualties. 

Half an hour later, the fogs were getting thicker and air was colder. It was hard to see through the smoke and fogs. They had to turn on the flashlight to look for any suspicious sign of the enemies. After met his radioman, Richard was about to walk back to the platoon bunker. He felt quite sleepy after an overnight combat. Everybody did. They needed to take rest soon. 

“What are you waiting for? Ain’t you wanna go back to the bunker?” Lee asked, looking at the lieutenant who stopped in the middle of smoky ruins. 

Richard shrugged, “Just let them go first,” he mumbled, “look how crazy these gooks are,” he pointed at the damage the NVAs made to their new built patrol base. 

Lee snorted and nodded, “ _Dinky dau_ , man,” he pointed his flashlight to one dead NVA soldier.

The lieutenant smirked, he turned his back, walked backwards, giggling and said, “yeah, _boocoo dinky dau!_ ” he shouted right at the moment a bullet shot at him in the head so fast. He heard the bullets twanging against his steel helmet and he fell down.

“Fuck! Richard!” Lee shrieked. He went to the lied down lieutenant. Panic started to take over himself. He didn’t see any blood coming out of Richard’s head but the man didn’t move for seconds. His heartbeat went too fast and he almost called the medic when Richard slowly moved. 

“Goddamned son of a bitch,” Richard cursed, he tried to get up. 

“Richard, are you alright?!” Lee asked anxiously, “hey man, are you alright?” he put his hands on Richard’s face after took his helmet off and shook him. His face went so pale and eyes went dark looking for any sign of wound in Richard’s head. 

Richard went numb for a moment. He lost his mind for seconds, “I’m okay, I’m okay,” he murmured and looked at the pale face of his sergeant. That face was so full of fear, _“am I okay?”_ he ridiculously asked. 

Lee nodded stupidly. He didn’t let his hands go from the lieutenant’s face. That face was so cold, even colder than his hands, “Jesus, I’m scared to death,” he said. 

“Think I got hole in my head. Shit, your face, Lee, like gonna tellin’ me that my brain scattered out of my skull,” Richard took a deep breath.

Lee chuckled weakly. His body went limped, “fuck you, Rich,” he pressed his palms on the lieutenant’s cheeks. Even in the worst situation like this, Richard could still make an _adorable_ face, and Lee couldn’t help but blushed. 

Richard smiled. He put one of his hands in Lee’s wrist, _holding_ it gently, “thank you for saving me. I honestly didn’t know it was you giving me covering fire,” he whispered. 

The sergeant cleared his throat, “um, never mind, Rich,” he said. The lieutenant’s hand on his wrist was goddamned good but torturing him at the same time, “come, I’m gonna help you up,” he let go off his hands and helped the lieutenant got up. Then he gave him his water canteen, thinking that got some drinks would help out of anxiety. 

“Thanks,” Richard smirked, “Oh hey, look at that shit,” he held his helmet, looking through the hole on one side. The bullet couldn’t get through his head, but it holed the helmet successfully. 

“Damn, too close to death, L.T,” Lee shook his head. He was still a little bit shocked by the time he saw the bullets came in and the man down, “Where did it come from by the way? There are some gooks still alive,” he inspects the surrounding with the flashlight. 

“No, sarge. It must be came from a broken rifle, there’s something wrong with the trigger, I guess,” Richard said, “damn, that’s pretty dangerous.”

Lee took the holly helmet in his hand and observed it, “yeah, I think you’re right. The direction of how the bullet came through was pointed from below, lower than the usual firing position.”

“Hm, now you’re talkin like a D.I, Pace,” Richard snorted and the sergeant could just shrugged and laughed.

“Maybe gonna be if I can make it outta here,” Lee shrugged again.

They walked through the massive destruction. Foxholes and bunkers were destroyed. The mark of aerial bombs, mortar and rocket were everywhere, along with North Vietnamese soldiers’ dead bodies. There were about more than a hundred of them died during the night attack. Six Wolfhounds soldier from Alpha, Bravo, first platoon Charlie and Delta Company killed in action while thirty others wounded. 

“Lee,” Richard said stopping their pace, “I’m sorry, once again,” he bit his lower lip.

“For what?” Lee raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes, pretending like he didn’t get the meaning.

“Don’t be fool, asshole,” Richard frowned, “I’m sorry if I maybe made you bruised or something. I didn’t mean it, really, the fucking mortar pushed me down on you,” he explained, felt sorry for the wound he made in Lee’s elbows. 

“Yeah, I know that,” Lee tried to hide his blush and looked down at the reddened bloody scratches in his elbow, “it’s nothing, don’t worry ‘bout it, man,” he smiled. Of course, he would never mind if having bruises or scratches while could getting _pinned down_ by this majestic creature.

They looked at each other’s eyes and smiled coyly. Then they walked through the disappearing morning fogs back to their bunkers. The sun shone slowly but sure. It warmed the bloody messy patrol base and their hearts. They started to think by stayed in Vietnam longer than they thought made them closer and even closer everyday. Yes, everything happened lately drew them closer to each other and made them sure that they’re secretly in love. No words to tell, they just let everything be as it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> roger: a proword in radiotelephone communication procedures, implies that the one who said have received and understood the order, wilco means almost the same.
> 
> dinky dau: a military slang used commonly in Vietnam, means crazy, (derived from dien cai dau) boocoo dinky dau refers the same while boocoo was a Vietnamese slang of French word beaucoup which means much or many.


	3. That Silly Little Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A female photo journalist came to the base, and Lee just got jealous as she seemed like getting a long with Richard too much.

The sun went high that afternoon. People already started cleaning up the ruins made by NVA last night till morning some hours ago. Yet some guys really needed proper rests, especially for those who fought almost ten hours on the perimeters. A good or bad condition of the base didn’t really affect the guys lived there. It was only another task for the engineering unit to find a better solution about the base. 

Lee woke up half an hour ago. He enjoyed a cup of coffee in the middle of hot day and he didn’t really care of it. Then he walked down to the latrine. He did thing like what he usually did in the morning. When he came back to his bunker, some guys just sat down and chilled out as usual. Yes it was, until they saw someone came up.

“Hey, guys, are you from the third platoon of Wolfhounds?” a woman—yes it was a woman, asked the guys and left them mesmerized for the first seconds they saw her. 

Lee rolled his eyes, looked around the amazed buddies went stupid as suddenly saw a beautiful creature in front of them, “ah, yes, as you can read it on the board,” he pointed at the board on top of the bunker threshold.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the red haired lady smiled coyly. 

“So, what can we do for you, maam?” Lee moved closer and made the lady looked up at him, saw how tall he was and how short herself was. 

“Well, I’m here for some news and photographs about the attack,” she answered, “my name is Miranda Otto from Life Magazine,” she offered her hand.

Lee shook the tiny hand very gently, “nice to meet you, Miss Otto, Sergeant Pace, but you can call me Lee if you want,” he said and smiled as his buddies cleared their throat behind him, “maybe you can talk to our C.O first.”

“Sure, can you take me to him?” Miranda asked. 

“Yeah,” Lee nodded. He glanced at his buddies who felt annoyed to him and smirked, a kind of mocked them. He knew well how they felt now. For so long they didn’t see any women, and then here the redhead Miss Otto, a beautiful photojournalist of Life Magazine came. They seemed like seeing an angel in this goddamned hell. 

Lee walked with the photojournalist to Richard’s quarter. It was strange for him thinking if he became one of those guys, he must like this woman—physically and sexually. Yet, he had no such feeling for a woman, not even once. He admitted she was a total beauty with long red hair, big green eyes, tiny lips and rosy blushing cheeks, and she had slim body with milky skin but he felt no attraction. To be honest for himself, Lee wasn’t a heterosexual man, now he confessed at heart. 

The sergeant stepped into the bunker and came out with his lieutenant. Miranda took a deep breath softly, seeing a shirtless tall and muscular handsome man in front of her. His chest was broad, with firm bulgy breasts, and sweating like he just came out of the sauna. This made she started to blush. The lieutenant she wanted to meet was amazingly hot. 

Richard took one step closer, “what can I do, for you, miss…?” he stopped, indirectly asking the photojournalist’s name.

“Otto, Miranda Otto from Life Magazine,” Miranda quickly responded and gave her tiny soft hand.

“Good to see you, Miss Otto, First Lieutenant Richard Armitage,” Richard introduced himself and shook her hand. He actually didn’t pay attention too much for anyone outside his unit boundaries, so he just acted like the careless Crazy Dick, like what people usually saw. 

“Nice to meet you, Lieutenant,” Miranda giggled shyly. 

“Well, Miss Otto wants to take some pictures and she needs some information about the base attack yesterday, maybe you can help,” Lee said. He noticed how she was attracted by the man he loved. A silly jealousy filled his mind. 

Richard looked at Lee for a while and turned back to Miranda, “alright, but you’re late, Miss Otto, our guys already cleaned up the mess this morning, so not much left here.”

“Ah, I bet, it’s hard to get a chopper from Cu Chi today,” Miranda sighed.

“But alright, some maybe good for your photographs, so where we will we start, maam?” Richard put on his t-shirt. 

“Maybe we can go to some nearby first, only if you don’t mind, Sir,” the photojournalist answered. 

“Okay,” Richard nodded, he almost left his place with the journalist, but he halted his pace, “you don’t wanna come, Sarge?” he asked the almost forgotten sergeant.

Lee bit his cheek from inside, “No,” he shook his head, “Gory asks me to play some hearts and spades, I’m sorry,” he refused. 

Richard nodded. He didn’t even retry to ask Lee once more, and just left with the beautiful woman at his side. It just made Lee felt worse and went back to his bunker halfheartedly. 

The sergeant walked back to his place, but he stopped for a while. He turned his back and could see his lieutenant talked about something very exciting with the journalist from afar. For three years surviving in this hell together, he never seen Richard talked that way to a woman, not even saw him with any women that closely. Now he just sighed, thinking how easy Richard got distracted by someone else—a woman more specifically. He didn’t know what on Richard’s mind was, but things messed his day. Though the lieutenant kept his careless bad guy attitude, he started thinking that it just made the journalist got more attracted to Richard.

Lee hated to think silly like this. He knew who he was and who Richard was. He knew where he was these years. He had to stop dreaming like a little girl and just overcame life like a real man. He already heard from Richard himself that he once had a fiancée and broke up after. Richard no matter what he looked like, was still a man. Lee never heard a word that indicating Richard was a homosexual, so when there was a woman coming and Richard was attracted by her, no one could be blamed. He was probably hoping too much from all what happened between him and his platoon leader.

 

For all day, Lee did nothing but stayed around his hutch and playing hearts and spades. Every time he had to go to the latrine, he almost always found Richard talked to that woman in here and there around him. The sergeant thought his brain burned down and he ended up the day by taking some booze at night. 

“Hey Pace, wake up,” Jim Jackson’s voice rang up inside Lee’s mind. He didn’t remember where he was or what time it was now. 

Lee mumbled incoherently. He was out of his consciousness and didn’t realize that the morning had come.

“Hey, wake up!” Big Jim shook Lee’s arms and pushed him a little bit too hard until the tall sergeant fell down his cot. 

“Damn it, Big Jim, what the hell are you doing?” Lee barely opened his eyes. 

“It’s morning, fellaz, oh no, it’s no longer morning, it’s almost 1100, you know,” Big Jim shrugged.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me man?” Lee rubbed his eyes and winced at his watch, and it was no joke. 

“Hell no,” Big Jim said, “Crazy Dick been lookin’ for you twice this morning and you didn’t come up.”

Lee’s eyes suddenly wide opened, “What the fuck did he look me for?” he muttered. 

“Hey Pace, are you alright, man?” the big fellow sat on the next cot.

“Oh, yeah,” he sniffed and his nose was still insensible. Now he felt a hangover after last night whiskey, “the hangover just shitting over me, man,” He shook his head.

Lee walked limply out of his underground hutch. He poured down some water from his canteen and washed his face. Still felt a little bit crazed, he lit a cigarette to turn back his total consciousness. Big Jim told him Richard looked for him twice today, but he just stayed on a sandbag, enjoying a cigarette. Usually, he would come down Richard’s quarter. He didn’t know why, but he refused to go, his childish behavior was in it after he got a kind of silly jealousy. 

Yet, the sergeant thought back. He didn’t really need to behave that bad. Maybe, Richard wanted to tell him something important, out of their personal relationship. He needed more time by finishing his cigarette and just walked down to his lieutenant’s quarter. 

By the time he came, Lee regretted his decision to go. There she was, the photojournalist and his beloved lieutenant talked about things and smoked cigarettes together in front of the hutch threshold. 

Lee cleared his throat. He wanted to move back before they realized, but he did something else. The lieutenant looked up and smiled; like he did nothing wrong to his jealous sergeant; and walked closer to him. 

“Big Jim told me you looked for me twice this morning, what’s wrong?” Lee asked flatly.

Richard smirked, “well, I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” he answered.

“Alright what? I’m alright of course,” Lee bit his bottom lip. 

“I heard you drunk last night,” Richard said.

“Nothing’s wrong with that, you drunk almost every night, don’t ye?” 

Richard frowned, “Why’d you be so _bitchy_ to me, Lee?”

Lee laughed sarcastically, “forget it, L.T,” he raised his eyebrows, “Does she stay here all day?” he finally asked while glancing at the journalist who was busy with her camera.  
Richard nodded, “she stays for three or four days,” he answered. 

Lee nodded too, “alright,” he muttered, “thanks by the way, bye,” he turned his back and stepped away, but a hand gripped his wrist so tight. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Richard asked, lowering his voice. 

“Nothing,” Lee answered coldly and struggled to release the grip, but it was no use, “I just feel not good lately,” he avoided Richard’s eyes.

“You can tell me,” Richard slowly released his sergeant’s hand. 

“You’re busy these days,” Lee shook his head.

Richard snorted, “You’re funny,” he mocked. 

“Yeah, I fuckin’ am,” Lee raised his voice and left the lieutenant alone. 

“Hey, come on, Sarge!” Richard yelled out but his sergeant kept walking away in annoyance.

 

It had been three days since Lee talked to Richard for the last time. He didn’t go to his quarter and Richard didn’t come around the bunker anymore. It was so funny that he told him that way. He felt he looked more like a sensitive woman on their period these days. But the sergeant was too diehard to care. Most things he did were playing cards, smoking cigarettes and gulping more whiskey at nights. 

Tonight air wasn’t so friendly. Things got hot and even the beers went warm. Lee came out of the hutch while the others forgot how many degrees are now inside and continued playing the stupid game. He stayed in the trench, but looked for a place where he could get fresh air and could see the stars above. So he sat on a sandbag, looked up at the sky while took some gulps of Red Label he took forcefully from some of those too-drunk guys. 

Lee imagined things were so sweet about Richard, until that woman came up here. Then he took more gulps of booze and thought about the fact that she stayed in this base for about four days. He wondered where she slept every night. Then he cursed at moment he imagined Richard sneaked into her quarter at night when everyone asleep. She knew he was in and they just kissed and then made love passionately. Every time his bad thought got worse, the sergeant took more gulps. Oh, no, it can’t be! He would never let his Richard did it to someone else. He belonged to him! Lee’s commonsense got out of the line. 

The drunken sergeant ran out of the bunker. He didn’t understand why his feet became too goddamned light that now he could run so fast. Nobody really cared about what he did, so he just ran along the way. He didn’t have no certain destination, he just let his mind went out. He wanted to free himself from any kind of restlessness, jealousy, negative mind. He wanted to forget them all, including his silly feeling for his lieutenant that burdened him lately. 

Lee started unbuttoning his jungle fatigue while he kept running with bottle still at hand. Until in one block he went shirtless and continued running. Now he shouted, just shouted out loud while finding his way to one hilly corner near the latrine where they usually burned feces with gasoline. He made annoying sound at a midnight and made some guys came out cursing at him. But he didn’t care, he just ran up to that small hill. 

As he reached the top of the place, Lee dropped himself on the ground. He laughed uncontrollably until his body trembled. Everything turned so cold but he didn’t put his shirt on. He lost his mind, but at least things got better after he went a little bit exaggerate. Staying in such place for a long time would bring a soldier into various kind of frustration and mental disorders, no matter what caused it, everything was possible to make people go crazy in this living hell, even for a simple thing like this. 

Lee closed his eyes slowly. His world was turning up and down and spinning like hell. He went nauseous but couldn’t vomit and it just made him worse. The only thing he saw now was the spinning night sky above. Then he figured a blur face looked down at him. He didn’t know who he was, and didn’t really give a fuck. He might be a VC or NVA, but hell no, he knew he wasn’t. 

“What the hell are you doing, Lee?!” the baritone voice was incredibly familiar to the sergeant. 

“What the hell? I was _running_ ,” Lee answered randomly. He knew it must be Richard, but he stayed out of his mind. 

“Damn, you woke the whole base up in this middle of the night. Are you crazy?” Richard went serious. 

“No, I ain’t. I ain’t _Crazy Dick_ ,” Lee giggled. His face blushed too much but he could no longer feel it. 

Richard almost laughed at those words, but he controlled himself and only snorted, “oh, Jesus, Lee. Why did you do this? What’s the matter with you?” 

Lee opened his eyes wide and gazed at Richard’s, “I went so fucking stupid these days, and I don’t want it affects me worse.”

“You should tell me anything you want to, when you feel fucked up. We’re friends, right?” Richard sat closer to his sergeant. 

Lee hummed, “I told ye, you’re busy lately. I couldn’t disturb your time, with her,” he said.

“What the hell you’ve been thinking these days?” Richard shook his head.

“Where is she now?” Lee asked.

“She left the base last afternoon, coming back in two weeks, why?” Richard rolled his eyes in confusion.

“I thought you’re with her now, sneaking into her room and fucking every single night,” Lee finally admitted what made him so bad.  
Richard’s eyes wide opened in disbelief and confusion, “what fuck did you mean, Lee?”

Lee glanced at his lieutenant, “you’re not that stupid ain’t ye? A _boom-boom_. Fucking her pussy, what else?”

Richard muffled his laughter, “how the hell you thought so? I didn’t even talk to her after dinner, she always came back to her quarter and we just met again in the morning.”  
“Oh,” Lee’s blushing went worse. He would be totally ashamed if Richard’s story was true. 

“Did our togetherness affect you that bad, Lee?” Richard asked in a low and soft voice. 

Lee snorted, “I was kinda stoned when I thought so.”

“Oh, come on,” Richard said, “I don’t have any feeling to that woman. She’s lovely of course, but it didn’t make me like her in the way you thought. She had children back at home, and so respectable she had guts to come to this hell.” 

“So I was wrong. I’m sorry. I just got out of my mind lately. Maybe I thought about something too much. I worried anything around me, just like that,” Lee sighed.

“I will never ignore you again, so sorry if you felt so that day,” Richard whispered.

Lee nodded. He held Richard’s hand and squeezed it gently, “I was just stupid, Rich, too childish I guess, well, I…”

Richard stopped Lee’s babbling with one finger on his lips, “stop talking, will you?” 

The sergeant just nodded once again. A smile grew on his face. 

Richard took a deep breath before he moved closer to his sergeant and pulled him to his arms. He _hugged_ Lee tight but gentle, “I always like to be with you, not someone or anyone else here,” he whispered in his sergeant’s ear. 

“Thank you,” Lee said softly on Richard’s ear. He never hugged him like this before. So, the warm feeling inside calmed him down well. He felt really peaceful to be in Richard’s embrace. Yet his heartbeat was fast, until he was scared Richard could hear it.

“How could you be so jealous like that?” Richard closed his eyes, trying to feel his beloved sergeant by his embrace. He ran his hand around his naked back, caressing him gently while the other hand tangling on his soft hair, very soft like he never imagined. He liked Lee’s smell, even if it mixed with sweat and dirt, have been out of shower for a week, but he didn’t care. He liked to hug him, as it felt like big teddy bear he hugged at his sleep when he was a little boy. Lee was exactly like that.

“I don’t know,” Lee answered, “maybe because time got us closer from day to day,” he sniffed Richard’s neck while his hands stayed on his back. 

Richard giggled softly, “yeah,” he hummed, “I’m glad it’s you.”

“Me what?” Lee asked, couldn’t hide his blush and kept hugging his lieutenant. 

“You’re the only person I can get along with,” Richard answered. He sighed and tugged Lee’s hair with his fingers very gently. 

“Uh uh,” Lee nodded. He felt all of his fingers tingled in Richard’s back. He went so high right now and the sky above moved like a merry-go-round. He could see the stars dancing through his glassy eyes. Then everything became a hazy blur.

“Will you leave me, Richard?” Lee muttered at the point of his farthest consciousness.

“No, I won’t,” Richard said, pulling the sergeant even tighter to his embrace.

“What if I die here?” Lee asked, now he closed his eyes as he could no longer bear the burden in his head.

“Nobody’s gonna die here. You’ll make it, we’ll make it,” Richard answered.

“I don’t want you to die,” Lee continued. He said all things he kept in mind for so long about life and death in Vietnam.

Richard didn’t say a word. He didn’t know how to respond those words.

“If someday you die here, I’m gonna _die with you_. Then we’ll be home in coffins, side by side. You know I’ll go _wherever_ you go,” Lee chuckled weakly. 

“No, no, stop talking about that, we’ll be alright,” Richard raised his voice. 

“I’m scared, Richard,” Lee kept saying, “not about my own life, but you and people around me. It’s alright if I die, but I can’t see other people die. It’s all about loss I’m scared of.”  


“Don’t be scared, and don’t think too much about it, Okay?” Richard pulled his head away and looked at Lee right in his eyes, “I’m here with you, and we’re gonna make it, together, you hear me,” he put his hands in Lee’s cheeks.

Lee smirked. He said nothing and just dropped his head back at his lieutenant’s shoulder, hugging him like eternity. He would never let him go, and if he did, as his words, he would always follow him anywhere he goes. On his drunkenness, Lee didn’t realize how Richard now could clearly see what he felt. For his life, Richard never seen someone so devoted like Lee and so sincere as he could love him unconditionally in the way he was. From now on, Lee made him believe that the love grew in his heart would be greater than he ever realized.


	4. Birthday Gifts for The Sergeant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orly had some trouble back home, he just told all to one of his bestfriends in the platoon, Lee.  
> late March means the tall sergeant had his birthday, the lieutenant prepared some surprises for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to finish this chapter A.S.A.P because Lee's birthday is on March 25.  
> well, a little bit late, but well, I finally wrote this special chapter for Lee's Birthday :D

Time passed by so quickly in Tay Ninh. In the middle days during March the battalion commander moved all the men into a new patrol base Diamond II. The new base was built by the 69th Engineer Battalion and located about 3 kilometers south of the previous Diamond I. The relocation was for anticipating NVA’s further attack as if they stayed on the already strucked Diamond I, there must be another attack. Now the new base was circle shaped, unlike the previously diamond shaped which eased enemies to penetrate. Everything here was just like experiment, when one failed and unsatisfying, the new one should be better, and everyone here believed that there would be another Diamond after this. 

It was about two weeks after some guys returned from their R&R. Everybody had their own vacation stories and kept talking about it till now. Some were so blessed to see their newborn children, the others had fascinating experienced in Japan and Hongkong, having fun with some Asian girls out there, and the rest came back here with less happy stories. 

“Hey Bloom, why’d you just stay there all day long?” Lee peeked his head out of the hutch threshold at a dusk. 

Orly just glanced at his longtime comrade for a while before dragging the cigarette and returned to his daydream. 

“Hey, come on, bud, what’s the matter with you?” Lee came out, sitting next to Orly on a pile of sandbags.

“Hm, nothin’,” Orly quirked his eyebrows, muttered almost inaudibly.

Lee sighed, “Is something went wrong back home?” 

“I dunno,” Orly shrugged.

“You can just tell me, man,” Lee said, “Everybody is so fascinated these last two weeks, they went to R&R and went back here with fascinating stories. I reckon you didn’t. You said nothing bout that.”

Orly looked at Lee in a very flat expression, “now, you could read it by yourself,” he took a piece of paper from his fatigue’s breast pocket and handed it to his friend.

Lee winced and unfolded the paper. It a _Dear John letter_ , “Jesus Christ,” Lee mumbled in disbelief, “what the fuck is this?”

“Well, you know that, Skeeter,” Orly nodded annoyingly.

“Miranda divorced you, what’s the matter with her?” Lee continued reading the letter. The letter explained hurtful things every man would never wanted to happen in their life. Miranda wrote she could no longer be Orly’s wife because she was tired with people talking negatively too much about men who were drafted. She received the money Orly always sent her, but said it was never be enough for her and their son—Lee didn’t know whether it was the money or that she lived a hedonistic lifestyle during Orly’s life and death struggle in Vietnam. She also told that she hated to wait too long and blamed Orly why he never visited them. She said she was broken when knew Orly signed three tour of duty without told her first—and unlike many of those who wanted more tour of duty, he didn’t come home first to tell his decision. Lee wouldn’t know it was Orly’s fault that he became so ignorant not to tell his wife. 

“Oh my God, Bloom, how could you not tell her before you got back for another TOD?” Lee shook his head.

“I don’t know, Pace. That could be my biggest fault. I was so fucking stupid, but if I told her, she would never let me go again. You know what? I had a big problem lookin for job back to America. I had criminal records, and once I tried, no workplace accepted me. I mean some with big money. Miranda had problem with spending money, she wanted me to work hard while she stayed all day long at home, fucking her hair, fitting dress, and those motherfucking things she always bought with my money. And the worst fuckin thing is that I just figured it out too late. If I didn’t go for R&R I wouldn’t know that,” Orly told angrily until he crushed the cigarette with his hand. 

“Damn, Jesus, and now she divorced you?” Lee scratched his head. 

“Yes she did. She told me she wanted to send that motherfuckin letter a long time ago, but she cried, said she didn’t want to hurt me. So what the fuck? I had to go for a R&R just to find out she fucked me around! When we were in the hotel, we just waited Flynn until he slept and then she cried all night long, telling me she was so sorry but blamed me at the same time. I bet she had another man while I’m here, surviving like shit just to send her money to live for this last goddamned three years!”

Lee patted Orly’s arm, trying to calm him down. He didn’t know what to say now. He never had such problem in his life, so he didn’t want to pretend he knew how Orly felt.  
Orly cleared his throat and started again, “You know what, Skeet? I love Miranda, I love her and always telling people around about her and Flynn. But she, fuck, she just…” he stopped and clenched his fists, “Oh, Jesus! So what am I gonna do here now? I have no motivation anymore. She took Flynn away, they would move to Canada just after that night she tellin me shit. When I make it outta here, where should I lookin’ for him? That bitch pointed her finger at me ‘from now on, you’re not gonna see Flynn anymore, I’m tired and ashamed of people always telling him he’s a son of baby killer, you’re a baby killer, Orly’ well I didn’t even understand what her point was. She was kinda stoned, or possessed, I don’t fuckin’ know!”

Lee just sighed to hear all of those words. How the hell she could say that for a husband who willingly gave himself into uncertainty of life and death just to feed them from 12000 miles away? Didn’t she ever realize how much her husband trying to survive just to see her again? And that baby killer thing? She and those shitty people out there didn’t know what happened to this platoon back at January when they tried to stop a diabolic mass murder in a remote hamlet? Her husband tried to save innocent children from getting shot like animals back there! 

“Well, Bloom, listen to me. To be honest, I don’t really know how it feels to be a husband, or a father, a man with family, but I just feel sorry for you. I don’t want to pretend I know how you feel, but it must be hard for you. Three years man, not a quite short time and just to find you get fucked up like this? Shit!” Lee took a deep breath, “If we can make this outta here, I’ll definitely help you to find your son. We will look for him anywhere we could, and I promise you can get a good job with me,” he shook Orly’s shoulder. 

The black haired sergeant smiled and his dark brown eyes started to shine a lively cheering look again, “alright, man,” he gave his fist and the other sergeant bumped it with his own.

“Don’t think you’re really screwed up like gettin’ thrown to fuckin’ Long Binh, okay man?” Lee smirked.

Orly laughed softly, “well, fuckin’ shitty _Long Binh_ ,” he quirked his eyebrows and lit another cigarette.

“No reason to get fucked like old Long Binh weepin’ rat, cause you get this, motherfucker,” Lee mumbled in a low voice and took out a long thin cigarette sized stick of his Marlboro pack.

“Holy shit,” Orly chuckled happily, “fuckin dinky dau, _Thai stick_ , where’d ye get that, son of a bitch?” 

“You left this place too long, dammit, quite a story. The supply returns along with much booze and Penthouse and Playboys, Crazy Dick did it for us,” Lee answered. 

Orly didn’t say anything but bursting in a ticklish chuckle. They looked at each other for a while until The Doors’ song Hello I Love You heard coming out of the hutch and they laughed. 

“There will be a looong night, tonight,” Lee handed the marijuana stick to his friend. 

Then, they heard the whirling sound of a helicopter landed not far from them. At first they didn’t really care until Orly got up and found out something. He saw a woman on the patrol base for the first time, and he was mesmerized. She was on a standard combat outfit, walked across the landing zone with a camera in her hands and her flawless red long hair flew in the strong wind. 

“Now, tell me who that is,” Orly grew a big smile on his lips. 

“Well, that’s _another_ Miranda,” Lee shrugged and giggled.

Orly left his jaw dropped and laughed, “This one must be a _badass_ Miranda!”

 

“Hey, Rich, what are you doin’?” Lee sneaked his head into Richard’s quarter hutch.

The lieutenant startled. He was working on something in a stack of unused ammo crates and hid it quickly from the sergeant, “well, nothing, just spending my time,” he answered, “What’ve you been up to?”

Lee smiled, “nothing, just walkin’ around, and checkin’ if you want to go out, the sunset would be great I guess,” he blushed.

Richard looked at the man he loved and giggled, “sure,” he nodded.

Then they walked across bunkers. The new base was safer than the first one. The border perimeter all secured with more barb wire and taller fence and the circle shape would prevent enemies to penetrate too easily. They didn’t found a private spot on the base yet, like they did on the Diamond I—a mounded ground by the latrine. But it wasn’t too long or hard for them to discover one unused sand wall on the back of the base. They climbed on the six feet wall and sat down side by side. The golden sun started to go down on the west and the wall gave them much better view. 

“We can just sit down here for a couple of hours to see the sun setting,” Richard said. He reached his breast pocket to take a lighter and burn the tip of his cigarette. 

“Yeah, is that boring?” Lee asked. He felt a little bit disappointed by Richard’s words but his face still blushed so freshly.

“Says who?” Richard smirked with a cigarette slipped between his lips, “I didn’t say it. Instead this is just fascinating.”

“Glad you like it,” Lee mumbled, “well, did you see Miranda? I saw her comin’ this afternoon.”

“No, maybe she went into other unit, I dunno,” Richard shook his head. He looked at Lee in the eyes, thought that he might be still jealous, “Did you think something stupid about that?”

Lee rolled his eyes, “I ain’t thinking nothing, L.T,” he snorted.

Richard chuckled, hummed playfully and bumped his shoulder against his sergeant’s, “maybe you’re still bitchy and jealous bout that.”

Lee bumped his shoulder back, “oh, come on, Rich, don’t remind me about that shit,” he blushed even worse than before.

The lieutenant smiled softly. He kicked Lee’s boots with his own, “you got to know that _I’m done_ with women. I’ve told you things, bet you learned,” he said.

“I know that,” Lee reached Richard’s free hand and tangled it with his own in between their legs, “I trust you.”

Richard crushed Lee’s hands very gently while looking into his green-grey eyes. He said nothing and thought how braver they gone so far. It took only two months to grow such deep feeling, but he understood more than that. They probably had loving each other for years, only now they could realize it. They still never told each other those loving words. They kept them in heart, but their acts explain things beyond words. For Richard, he was just careless about what people think about homosexuality in military, but sometimes he was concerned with the possibilities where Lee also could have been in trouble if this thing was brought to court-martial. In any circumstances, homosexuality was _banned_ , so now, they could only express their feeling to each other very secretly. 

“What did you working on your hutch, by the way?” Lee curiously asked.

Richard smiled. He definitely hid something from the sergeant, “just craving some metal plates. I was bored all day, but my hands need something to work on,” he answered, “well, it was definitely nothin’.”

“Hm, sounds interesting,” Lee shrugged. 

They looked up to the west, where the sky burst into red blood and the sun went low. It would take another hour until this place definitely turned into darkness. And they waited. 

 

It was one day in the late March. Six days to go to April. Every single day or night was always hot. It seemed like the worst dry season days in Vietnam before monsoon came in May. This was precisely March 25. Everyone came out and in to their bunkers like other day. Except for Lee, things went different today. Every platoon guy who passed him by would express him _birthday wishes_. Yes, he technically turned 21 today. 

By night, the third platoon threw a kind of party for one of their sergeants. This would not only about Lee, but also just another good night to have more booze and weeds than usual. It had been too long for them not to celebrate thing like this, with those fly maker leaves. Richard tried so hard not to make mistake by allowing his men to consume meth, cocaine or other artificial drugs. He preferred marijuana than them all because this kind of leaves had less addictive risks than other drugs. He once read about marijuana and its benefits, so it could help his men relax in a good way. 

The Army didn’t ban marijuana distribution among soldiers because the authority just didn’t really care about it. In U.S.M.C, a marine would get jailed if he was caught smoking marijuana. Like it or not, Army guys were lucky son of a bitch. One single marine would be worthier because the corps trained him more intensively, and he was chosen, so smoking marijuana would ruin himself, but _who the fuck cares_ about one single Army guy? There were so many of them in this whole country, and to be too careful about them was wasting time. If they died because of drugs, many would come and replace their position. Army guys, infantry in this case were not special at all, and they just like giving no shit about that too. 

So now, some of them gathered in one hutch where they usually played cards. Some variants of booze from Red Label to Jack Daniels were ready on a stack of crates. They played the music, started with The Rollingstones’ Sympathy for The Devil. Five or six guys, including Orly and Dean started to light the stick and smoked one joint in rotation. When Lee just came in, they welcomed him exaggeratedly. One guy started, the others followed, giving him ‘happy birthday sarge’ over and over.

Lee just smiled coyly and shook their hands. He looked silly and shy like a little boy today, by the way. Then, he took one drag and the weed hit him right on his nerves. He closed his eyes and flown into the light sensation. A smile grew bigger in his face and those guys shouted enthusiastically. 

The tall sergeant giggled. His face blushed and more after Ed Spears handed him a bottle of Red Label in which he took a big gulp of it. Everyone got down with the joints and booze tonight. Everybody was just incredibly happy and out of the thought about war, combat, ambush and jungle patrol for this one precious moment. They all were just flowing like water, enjoying every minute. 

“Come here, Jack, I’ll show you something,” Lee asked the young and coy soldier who sat in one corner with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his hand.

Jack moved closer. He knew about marijuana but not yet tried it until now. So, the sergeant would give him a try tonight. 

Lee took a Remington 1100 shotgun and pointed at the private first class. The young man glared in fear but the other guys were just laughing at him, “You’ve seen guys smoking joint, but I bet, you never did it in this way, don’t you?” Lee smirked. 

“No, no, sarge,” Jack shook his head. 

“Lemme show you, so you gotta _learn_ ,” Lee shoved the shotgun muzzle in Jack’s lips. 

“What the hell is this?” Jack held his breath.

“Open your mouth,” Lee commanded. He was quite high right now, but not stupid enough to kill his enlisted man. He had a plan for sure and left no bullet in this shotgun.  
The young soldier opened his mouth and the muzzle slid in a little bit, “Hey, Gory, gimme the joint,” Lee said and the other sergeant handed him the stick. He took a deep drag before blew it through the empty shotgun chamber. This style of weed smoking was actually popular among all Army guys and they mostly liked to do this shit more than anything.

“Smoke it, man,” Big Jim told the inexperienced young soldier. Jack smoked as he was told. It didn’t take too long until he felt all his nerves relaxed like never before.  
Lee chuckled, “you’re gonna love this _shotgun style_ soon, boy,” he said, threw the shotgun back to Orly. Everybody in the room was just laughing and some hugging the stoned young soldier so happily. 

The tall sergeant sat down on a stack of crates. He sighed and got a little bit high, but not as worse as other guys over there. What he could do now was just laughing at their funny words and acts. He was just simply happy like the others, and seeing Orly enjoyed the party like this made him relieved that his friend wasn’t really thinking about his life problem. 

While guys were flying on their own fantasy, somebody just coming in. They all looked at the threshold and their platoon leader was there, looking at them with arms crossed on his chest, and a big smile on his face. 

“Chill out, troops,” Richard waved his hand, giving them permission to continue. He kept smiling and his eyes went to the sergeant who had birthday tonight.

“Come join us, sir, a lotta booze and weeds,” Hopkins persuaded, giving the lieutenant one bottle of Jack Daniels. 

“Alright, thank you, Kid,” Richard patted his man’s shoulder and took his favorite whiskey. He screwed off the cap and took one gulp. Then he walked closer to Lee and sat in front of him.

“Happy birthday, sarge,” Richard smirked.

Lee just smiled. His blushing cheeks were getting adorable.

Now the tape recorder played Creedence Clearwater Revival’s new album hits _Penthouse Pauper_. 

_Now, if I were a brick layer, I wouldn't build just anything_  
_And if I were a ball player, I wouldn't play no second string_  
_And if I were some jew'lry, baby_  
_Lord, I'd have to be a diamond ring_

“Thank you, L.T,” Lee mumbled almost inaudibly. The sound of music was louder. 

“You like this?” Richard asked.

_And if I were a secret, Lord, I never would be told_  
_And if I were a jug of wine, Lord, my flavor would be old_  
_I could be most anything_  
_But it got to be twenty-four karat solid gold_

“Sorry, what?” Lee asked back. He told a little bit louder, and that probably because the weeds affected him a little bit.

“You like this party?” Richard repeated louder.

Lee giggled, “Yeah, I do!” he answered enthusiastically. 

The lieutenant just smiled and took more gulps of whiskey.

“ _And if I were a gambler, you know I'd never lose. If I were a guitar player, Lord, I'd have to play the blues_ ,” Lee followed the song’s lyrics before lit a cigarette to refresh his mind.

“ _And if I were a hacksaw, my blade would be razor sharp. And if I were a politician, I could prove that monkey talk. You can find the tallest building. Lord, I'd have me the house on top!_ ” most already high guys sang those parts of the song together.

Lee and Richard looked at each other and laughed. For years in the Nam, this kind of thing was something they always waited for. That was a time when they all were so happy about this crappy life and they gave no shit about that. They usually did this sort of crazy party after long jungle patrol, but due to the decreasing combat activities these days, they did it just like this. 

“Gotta go to latrine, I won’t be long, Rich,” Lee stood up and left.

Richard watched him go away. He stayed on his seat for a moment before he followed him out. The room was now too full of smoke and he was a little bit affected by the weeds too. So, he needed some fresh air outside. When he came out of the hutch, he just found the rest of guys who didn’t take weeds playing cards and he just passed them, following where his sergeant go. 

The lieutenant held his jungle trouser’s front pocket. He kept something in it. Along his way, he licked his lips nervously, like he would tell Lee something really important. He took a deep breath again and again and didn’t really realize that he blushed now. 

“What are you doin’ here, Rich?” Lee asked while coming out of the latrine.

Richard smiled, “come here, Lee. I gotta tell you something,” he took the sergeant to the shady part beside the latrine. 

Lee followed his lieutenant, “I don’t like surprise, you got to know that,” he joked.

“Sorry, but,” Richard looked at the sergeant in the eyes, “I hope you accept this,” he took out a big lousy matchbox and gave it to Lee.

“What’s this?” Lee giggled. He took the small gift. It felt quite heavy. He shook it, tried to guess what was in it. Then he opened the matchbox and smiled while looking at the lieutenant’s blushing face. It was an _engraved Zippo lighter_. 

“Hope you like it,” Richard smiled coyly.

“Thank you so much, Richard,” Lee chuckled faintly, “I like this for sure,” he put the lighter into a brighter side of the latrine where he could read the words engraved very carefully on the silver surface of the lighter.

 _Diamond II, Tay Ninh, Nam 1969_ was engraved on the cap.  
_Happy Birthday and Stay Alive_  
_March 25 1969_ both were on the front part.

Lee looked at the reverse part and read the words on it.  
_1966-1967-1968-1969_  
_To Hell and Back ___

And, there was something engraved in smaller fonts on the left side of the reverse part,  
_From Richard with Love_

Lee giggled blissfully with all words written on the lighter. All of them were made very carefully and engraved beautifully. He saw Richard did something with manual gravers these days but never expected he worked on it for him. He knew about engrave lighter among all soldiers in Vietnam. They usually asked a Vietnamese engraver to make it, with a machine, it took only 25 cents and some minutes. But Richard did something different. He engraved all words on it by manual tools and took a very long process and much time. He _dedicated_ it all for Lee, the man he really loved.

“I’ve seen you working with the graver quite long. Oh Jesus, Rich. You did this beautiful piece of art for me,” Lee said very thankfully.

“You bet,” Richard nodded, “the idea just came in very instantly, but that’s good for me too. It helped me out of my boredom for at least three weeks.”

“Thanks by the way,” Lee put the lighter back in the matchbox and kept it in his breast pocket.

“Happy birthday, Lee,” Richard whispered. He moved closer to the sergeant. Now they stood face to face where he had to tilt his face a little bit to look at the taller man right in his eyes.

Lee sighed, “thank you for the gifts, Richard,” he said.

Richard smiled he shoved his head up, a little bit tiptoeing on his boots, and then he _surprisingly kissed_ Lee’s left cheek. It was the very first time he did such contact with his lovely sergeant. He didn’t move for at least five seconds and just pressed his tiny lips on the blushing cheek. Then he withdrew himself, left a _cute kiss sound_ on the smooth skin of his sergeant.

Lee’s jaw dropped and he just let it be. Though he wanted it, he didn’t expect Richard would kiss his cheek _this soon_. He looked down at the lieutenant’s reddened face.

“I’m sorry,” Richard’s eyes went unfocused. He anticipated if he already made Lee mad.

The sergeant smiled and touched his own cheek where the lieutenant kissed, “another gift from you, it’s alright,” he said. He shifted his eyes from his lieutenant to the surrounding, was a little bit worried if someone saw them, but he found no one around, even the night shift guards.

What Lee did next was touching Richard’s face. He moved the locks of dark hair away from his forehead and traced his magnificent face. He put his finger on Richard’s long hooked nose and then his tiny lips. After that, he moved to his jaw line, his point chin and stubble covered cheeks. He did it all without moving his eyes away from a pair of steel blue before him. Yet, Richard suddenly went nervous and almost moved away.

The sergeant instinctively pulled Richard’s wrist back in front of him. He swallowed his spittle before shoved his head down and _kiss_ the lieutenant’s right cheek. He did it even _longer_ than the lieutenant did to him. He kept pressing his lips on Richard’s cheek and left a sheer wet sound on it. It was about moving to his tiny lips when they heard two or more people walked around the latrine and he pulled away.

Then they realized they were just drunk party guys taking piss on the latrine. Those guys came quickly and went even more quickly. Now, there were just both of them again. Lee wanted to kiss Richard’s lips, but he hesitated. He didn’t think it was the right time though he knew he just wasted a precious chance. Instead, he just pulled Richard to his arms. He hugged him tight, looked deep into his eyes before kissed his forehead. He kissed Richard’s forehead softly, with all of his heart and for a longtime. The older man just closed his eyes, trying to feel how time went slowly while his beloved man embraced him in peace.

At this moment Lee realized he didn’t want time to pass by. He wanted the whole world just stopped while he had Richard’s in his arms and kissed his forehead with all love he had. Then he was smiling, holding tears back at his eyes, thinking how thankful he was now. He could survive so far in this living hell. He celebrated four of his birthday in Nam. He got the best gifts for all of his life this year. He got a gift that made with _love_ and _dedication_ , a surprise kiss, and _the man_ who gave them. Nothing compared to Richard for his twenty first birthday.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long Binh: Long Binh Jail is a U.S military stockade during Vietnam War located in Long Binh post, Dong Dai province, South Vietnam  
> Dear John Letter: a letter wrote by a woman to a man, especially men at service (like military) explaining she wanted to end up their relationship


	5. The Diamond III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee made Richard almost get a bad heart attack during the firefight at Diamond III

Days went by in The Diamond II. That was the last day of March when 2nd Battalion held a ceremony in the base awarded men who fought in the attack at Diamond I February 24 and 25. It marked The 25th Infantry Division was rewarded many of its men Bronze Star Medal for heroism during the fight. 1st Lieutenant Richard Armitage received his third Bronze at this ceremony for his action protecting his men. He basically didn’t know at all about his nomination, but the executive officer Major Wenham put him on the list along with men from other units. 

This last Bronze was the only one he would keep while he handed the first two back to his executive officer. Richard was an out of the box man who wasn’t interested in decoration and awards. He liked to do things he wanted to and never asked anything for payment even if it was just such recognition. He usually refused any promotions from the company, but strangely he almost always got his name on the lists. When his name was already on it, he could do nothing but received the award. He would be on the row of those who received medals. Yet after the ceremony, he would see his CO and turned the medals back. What he had done always made other officers hated him. As many people in the unit disliked him, he didn’t really care and kept going with himself. At least for now, he would put the medal inside his pocket before he changed his mind and handed it back again to his major. 

Some good news came for Third Platoon. Not quite good, but they got promoted to the higher ranks now. It made Brody sergeant 1st class while some 1966 guys staff sergeants. There would be no nine staff sergeants in one platoon, executive officers said. The official eliminated five to be transferred to other units. It left only Pace, Bloom, O’Gorman and Spears in the platoon to lead four squads. They unwillingly had to say goodbye to Big Jim, Hopkins, Garcia, Thornton and Ivanovic. Things changed, but made no difference for Richard. He was just still a first lieutenant like four years ago by the way. One thing that Richard liked to be public enemy was he never got promoted. If he was promoted to be a captain, he would lose his platoon, because no captain would lead such small unit, he should organize a company, or at least got a position in company unit.

 

The men in Diamond II knew how time flew so quickly. There it came April. Then at the fifth day, after quite long peaceful moments at the base, they finally got attacked. That was 01.00 am when there were a small group of NVA roamed about 800 meters around the perimeters setting up mortars and half an hour later the base was raining in fire. First, the mortars hit the listening post located 200 meters west of the base’s wire before the party went on the most parts of The Diamond II. Things happened almost the same at that one night in Diamond I. Yet this time NVA could hardly reach their previous achievement by penetrating further into the base. The perimeters were built much better than before. So, Mr. Charles would not be so happy this time. 

Like what had done before, Wolfhounds would be relocated every time the base struck by enemy. They moved to Patrol Base Diamond III at April 14 1969. This was a big difficult job to do. NVA became more aggressive after the attack at Diamond II in early April. They planned more attacks at the Wolfhounds. Thus, they dismantled Diamond II and moved all things to a new Diamond III located about two kilometers north of the previous Diamond I. All units worked hard that day. It took one day to relocate all sandbags, guns and field equipments to the new position while this job would normally done in three days. No time to waste, the entire battalion started new defensive position. They’ve already heard about the upcoming attack even when they were just finished building the new base. It was a battle against time. Yet with all guards were ready to stand by, it gave infantry some moments to rest. 

Lee sat down in a new pile of sandbags. He literally dropped his body down after a long exhausted hours relocating the base. The reality of this battalion being a nomad made him upset sometimes. Now he was just taking deep breath, wiping all dirt, sand and sweat from his forehead. Well, he wasn’t alone. Everybody did, and he glanced over, seeing his platoon leader took a big gulp of his water canteen. All lousy and tired, Lee smiled weakly at his lieutenant who gave him a small chuckle that could make his day. After all of hard hours, he felt a little bit revived. 

“You all need to rest now, boy,” Richard said, walking closer to his men, “we ain’t got much time to sleep, things will getting worse, I want you to be ready at anytime. But now, guards are there, so it’s your turn to rest.”

Everybody returned to their bunkers and take a rest. It was a midnight, and twenty four hours of waking up, so they just dropped themselves into their cots and slept. Yet, Lee stayed still in his sandbag, looking at his lieutenant came down for him. He could even blush now.

“Well, Staff Sergeant Pace, why don’t you return to your bunker for some sleep?” Richard smirked, crossing his arms in chest.

Lee giggled, “gimme five minutes to stay here, L.T,” he said.

Richard sat right next to his lovely sergeant, “a big day today,” he stretched his sore long limbs.

“Very exhausting,” Lee nodded. He saw everybody now already inside. Things got colder and silent too.

“Yeah,” Richard sighed. He put one arm in Lee’s shoulder and drew him closer, “I guess things get worse maybe three or four hours from now.”

Lee hummed, “thought it made me hardly sleep, Rich, but actually I’m already too get used of it.”

“So, it’s probably not. You think about something else, don’t ye?” Richard lowered his voice.

The sergeant looked right into his lieutenant eyes, “You’re busy all day. I just need some moment like this with you,” he whispered.

Richard smiled, “listen, Lee, the closer we get to each other, it changes me so much. I never have anything to make me leave this living hell too soon before, but, you give me the reason why.”

“Why?” Lee quirked his eyebrows. He glanced over to see if anyone would probably hear their private conversation.

“I want to go home with you. I want to move with you then we will start a new life together, leaving all of this shit behind,” Richard said in a very low and soft voice. 

Lee blushed. His jaw dropped slightly before he licked his lips, “what are you talking about Rich? I think you’re just too exhausted,” he snorted in disbelief.

Richard tightened his arm around Lee and pulled him closer, “no, I’m not kidding. This is serious. I want to be with you.”

“You’re a West Point officer. Everybody will lookin’ for you and givin’ you position you want in military,” Lee said.

Richard shook his head, “it doesn’t matter. I can do other job. We’ll build a small house, lived together somewhere so far away from all crowds and shit, and…”  
“You will have a good career in The Army,” Lee butted.

“Who the fuck cares about the Army or West Point officer?” Richard snorted annoyingly.

Lee closed his eyes for a moment, “let’s face what we have to in this place, Rich,” he said, “we got much thing to do here. I never think about future either. My life probably already stuck here with all of this shit. I don’t see future that far, Richard.”  
“Future? You mean _our future_?” Richard asked.

“Yeah, oh no, I mean, I don’t know, I just…” Lee didn’t finish his words.

The light in Richard’s eyes slowly faded away in disappointment, “ah, forget it, Sarge. I’m thinking too much about my dream. Just tell ya, I never thought about this thing before for my four years in ‘Nam, not even when I had a fiancée back home. I never thought so,” he pulled his arm off Lee’s shoulder and got up, “now, take a rest, boy.”

“I’m sorry Richard. I don’t mean I refuse you or something, but this ain’t the right time to talk about it,” Lee said regretfully. 

Richard said nothing. He might just think about something, as feeling a little bit disappointed too. Lee looked at his back with weariness in his face, thinking he surely made the lieutenant upset. Sometimes there was not always good time to talk about thing, like now. Too exhausted and mentally tired, some talking would not work well like this.

“I’m so sorry, Rich, I didn’t mean to…” Lee stood up right behind Richard.

The lieutenant turned his back and smirked, “forget it. Well, I just wanna share my story with you, but maybe you don’t always wanna listen about it, so it’s okay.”

“Hey, I didn’t say I don’t wanna listen to you, come on Richard, don’t be a jerk,” Lee mumbled.

“I am a _jerk_ ,” Richard held his annoyance in his voice, made it low and sounded like growling, “and always be.”

“Oh come on, L.T, you don’t mad at me don’t ya?” Lee asked worriedly. 

“Nah. I don’t,” Richard clearly didn’t mean what he told.

They just looked at each other. Richard was really upset now and made Lee regretted like hell. The sergeant never expected to make his beloved lieutenant disappointed that bad. He just told what he wanted too, but he forgot how Richard could turn to be someone emotionally broken sometimes. Deep inside his heart, Lee wanted to say the same thing, but he faced different reality too much today.

“Maybe we’re just nothing serious,” Richard whispered.

“No, no. Sorry, Richard. I want to be with you too, but…”

“Go back to your bunker, Sergeant! This is an _order_!” Richard raised his voice.

Lee closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. He never saw Richard this upset before and now he wanted to take all of his words back. He saw there was an unexplainable disappointment in Richard’s eyes and he didn’t even dare to look at them.

“Yes, Sir,” Lee said weakly before turned his back.

It was 03.00 AM when the guards changed. The base already detected enemy position only 800 meters at the southwest perimeter. Now everyone from every unit had to be ready for what happened next. Every platoon leader informed their men to stay alert. Time went by and all of them battled against it. Gunships, artilleries and infantry came out of their hiding as the battle began. 

Richard was about to move from one bunker to another when at 03.15 the first enemy’s mortars started hitting the ground. He jumped back to the one with cover and realized how this was the worst mortar attacks after those first two at Diamond I and II before. It was just pretty intense, too intense. 

“We’re really fucked up, Sir,” Adrien moved closer to his platoon leader. 

“Pretty much,” Richard said, almost shouting, “they’re gonna move closer, maybe soon, Sarge.”

“I can wait, but maybe our overhead cover can’t,” the platoon sergeant grinned. His finger pointed up at their cover. It would not last too long with the mortar raining outside.  
Richard looked up and glanced around. Some bunkers were burnt now. The NVA seemed like turned into maniacs and it looked like they got automatic mortars with them. That what was Richard thought about while seeing how the shells actually rained in. Everything looked like 4th of July fireworks from the distance but very contrast when it came close by. 

The lieutenant thought about his one sergeant. He didn’t know where he was now. Richard just wanted to say sorry for his uncontrolled anger two hours ago, but another mortar distracted him from his thought. 

“Keep up your position while the cover is still in. we’re closer to the southwest perimeter, maybe one of the closest. So, the gooks will pass you by at this point. Prepare your ammo, one squad will be enough here,” Richard instructed his platoon right hand.

“Roger that,” the platoon sergeant nodded and checked his men. 

Richard suddenly remembered something, “but poor you—well, or me, Brody, you got no RTO here, so I got to go,” he moved away right before his platoon sergeant could say anything.

Richard looked around and ran off as he saw a good momentum to move. Just as usual, in the middle of his movement, more mortars rained not far from him and hit one bunker. He needed to look for Lee, but now he more prioritized Tony than any men. He needed that radiotelephone to control the situation better. Technically, in such situation he shouldn’t be separated from his RTO no matter what. Every squad actually needed to have at least one radiotelephone operator (RTO), but things not always been ideal. Right now, what he could do was just looking for Tony the radiotelephone man. 

Mortars kept hitting the ground into fire land. Lee stayed in the position on his bunker. He knew that the mortars firing would be ended up and NVA came closer soon. Things got worse around him and now that he could hear the painful screaming of some men from other bunkers hitting by the mortars. For him it almost felt like throwing back into Tet Offensive one year before when something like that was very usual. 

The sergeant’s sight was a little bit blurred. He was just sleeping, probably no more than half an hour ago when the signal of attack woke him up. He shook his head thinking he better off of sleep at all than had to wake up like this. It made him slightly dizzy. Now he took a cigarette out and lit it. Eyes stayed alert for any kind of suspicious movements around.

Few minutes later, Lee changed his mind of staying inside the bunker. The mortars came too close and now they had to get out of the bunkers and move up to the prepared position. The sandbags wall covered him and other men up but the mortars still fired close to their place. A bit lucky, the gunships always backed the infantry up as the Howitzers didn’t stop rumbling the ground.

Then there was no explosion came down from behind enemy line now. It was the time for NVA to move closer after trying to break the Americans down by their mortar rain. Everyone from the Wolfhounds just kept their senses worked in the middle of sudden silence. They’ve learn so well about how The NVA did their jobs in a combat action.  
Richard was with his RTO staying outside a bunker behind sandbags protection. He was too busy with all those kind of communication between the listening posts. Now he took the phone again informing the men at the bunkers the NVA penetrated the border and moved in. Everything remained silent until he heard the boots thumping sound along the way. Before he shouted to his men for firing, the NVA started hailing their RPG against the base as their second action.

“Fire!” Richard shouted, cocking his rifle and started firing every NVA soldiers who tried finding their way in between the RPG’s attack. Every man struggled with their weapons, the machine-gunners worked their machine so did the bazooka men. Now it all turned into a real combat. Everything was a mess. 

More NVA soldiers moved in squads. They blew the wire at the perimeter and forced to come in. the third platoon of Charlie company position was the closest along with two platoons from Alpha and Delta company, so they worked harder at the southwest perimeter, trying to take the NVA down. More firefight aimed at the wire and it worked to stop the enemy took over that point. 

Yet the gooks kept coming in from other direction along with the hundreds rocket firing. The fight turned to be more intense. Bodies started to fall down in the enemy’s side but it didn’t keep the Wolfhounds soldiers away from the bleeding and bruises. Some infantrymen from the east perimeter had to pay the high price of this combat with their lives. 

Lee looked down at his watch. It was four o’clock in the morning and their very brand new base already turned into a burning hell too soon. He moved back at his pointed M16A1 firing the gooks before his eyes. He felt really calm while facing the enemy so close. He didn’t speak much either, in fact he said nothing since the mortar first came up except giving orders to his squad members. The sergeant didn’t want to talk about anything with anyone. Something distracted his mind, even for a combat like this he still could thinking about other thing. He thought about Richard so his mind wasn’t completely at the situation he in right now. 

Richard was different. He was the platoon leader and had very big responsible for his men. He didn’t move away from his RTO as the listening post called him over and over to give orders and information about the enemy’s movement within the base. He surely thought about Lee and felt really sorry for him but he couldn’t keep it in mind too long. He had many things to do and he hated it. 

More NVA soldiers roamed the base by their RPG’s attack protection. The Wolfhounds infantrymen at their defense position worked harder. Though they got so many good backup from gunship to aircraft, the NVA who already got into the base were hard to be brought down too easily. They were agile and the real daredevils. They had no fear and fought to death like they meant it. 

It was 05.00 when Lee kept working with his rifle and it came in the point blank range. The enemy moved too closer. While he found his magazine was empty, he groped his ammo pouch and reloaded his weapon. At the time he pointed at the enemy’s position, the closest RPG attack hit his position. Everybody ran off the trench finding shelter at the other bunker nearby. 

Lee pushed himself against the wall. He tried to catch his breath. That RPG literally broke his position down. He looked at his men. They were all six and only three left. The other three ran to the other shelter. He found out that the bunker they were now ruined in half. It was not a good place to shelter at all.  
“Damn it,” Lee mumbled, “we ran to the wrong direction, buddy.”

“Surely, Sarge,” PFC Waterson said weakly. He put his hand on his stomach and his sergeant could see the blood flown out fast. 

“Shit,” Lee cursed, “ _medic!_ ” he shouted.

No one came by. Lee didn’t know where Doc Turner was now or even other medics. They were needed at somewhere he didn’t want to give a damn. This young man would be dead soon and they had no much time left. The sergeant just took his personal medical kit out and gave the wounded soldier his morphine.

“Jonesy you go find the medic now,” Lee commanded. It shouldn’t take too long for the man to come back with the medic they want. But he didn’t. Lee didn’t see him around and he didn’t know what happened to that private. Things got worse with that RPG rain or that they were basically positioned at the very fragile point around the perimeters. 

“Where the fuck is the medic?” Lee hissed in between firing AK-47s that aimed at them behind the sandwalls, “Tom, you take him with you. There’s better trench twelve o’clock from this position,” he said. 

“So what about you, sarge?” the corporal asked. 

“I’ll give you covering fire, now go,” Lee answered with no doubt but the other man thought the otherwise, “get out now or he’s gonna die here!” he snapped.

The corporal and the wounded private went across the bunker. It was a really short distance but with RPG rained in and AK-47s fired against them, things went too hard to do. Lee pushed himself harder on giving them the covering fire. He didn’t know whether they would be safe and reached the other bunker or not, but he kept trying. It was a matter of life and death and he didn’t want to waste anymore lives in this firefight. An M16A1 didn’t give much support in covering fire, it would be better if he got M60 machinegun with him, but the point he stood was ruined. There must be a machinegun in every bunker but now it was no longer there. 

The hint of dawn appeared. Slowly but sure, everything started to be clearer. Lee could see what kind of damage the NVA already made to this base. Things were burnt and ruined, even worse than he saw on Diamond I and II. NVA soldiers’ dead bodies scattered around the bunkers. It seemed like the fighting was almost done right now. Yet still, the remaining NVA’s RPG rained into the ground while the Howitzers’ rumbling decreased along with the coming of the morning sun.

The sergeant took a deep breath. He looked at the bunker across the place he was in. He saw the corporal and the wounded private were there with a medic who took care of them. He was so relieved when he found out another life possibly saved. Closing his eyes, he tried to get up and moved.

Suddenly some last remaining RPGs fired against Lee’s direction. He aimed to run as fast as he could when one RPG hit right at his point. A big fiery explosion couldn’t be avoided. He was still there when the heat of that rocket pushed him to the limit. Everything turned blur, he could no longer felt his own body and then he didn’t see anything but darkness. 

It was almost seven o'clock when Richard ran from one bunker to another. He checked his men to see whether they wounded or still safe. The combat was ended. There were no longer mortars or rockets flew around, and no firefight anymore. Estimated 198 NVA were killed during the combat. He could see many NVA soldiers died and the remained were captured by the Wolfhounds soldiers. 

Everyone came out of their bunkers. The men covered in dirt and sweat. They were truly exhausted. Some turned back to their own hutches, trying to rest, having some drinks, relaxing and sleeping. Some others just stood at their feet, staring blankly at the devastated view around. This fight, like it or not, was one of the worst during 1969 after The Tet Offensive. Even if this was a nice victory for The Wolfhounds, unfortunately 13 men had to sacrifice their lives for it. 

Richard now looked for Lee. He worried about him so much for the last three hours and couldn’t really keep him out of his mind. Even when he was distracted by the radiotelephone and some firefight with the NVA, he kept thinking about him. He thought about something bad because he already walked here and there and couldn’t see where the sergeant was. He asked anyone who were possibly with him during the combat, but no one gave him the answer. 

Richard swallowed his spit. He ran to Lee’s bunker and didn’t found him there. Then he turned to other bunkers over and over. Something must happen to that sergeant. He didn’t come up even when everyone went back to their own place. He was afraid of something really bad. If something really happened, he would blame himself. 

“Where is Pace?” Richard stopped a soldier, Corporal Tomassi, the one who was with Lee in the end of firefight. 

“He was with us, Sir. Jonesy was hit and he asked us to go then gave us covering fire. I didn’t saw him since then, Lieutenant,” the corporal answered.

Then Richard just left. He saw the ruined bunker not far from where he stood. It was burnt and left only some scattered piles of sandbags. Trying to find out, he came closer to inspect. He saw no one was there until he found something. It was an M16A1 half buried by the sands. Then he pulled off some sandbags in case he would find more. A hand under the pile. He tried more, digging into the sands. 

“Oh God, no!” Richard shrieked. He pulled out the hand and found a soldier lied down on his face, “ _Lee!_ ” he shouted while turned the soldier’s face. It was truly Sergeant Pace lied lifelessly on the ground. His face was covered by the dirt with eyes shut tight. Blood turned black, dried by the sands in his temple. 

The lieutenant pulled the body up, lied it down on the back, “hey, wake up, Lee, wake up,” Richard shook Lee’s shoulder, tried to bring him back, but nothing happened. He checked his pulse on his neck and wrist, but in panic, Richard found nothing. He put a finger around his nose and the sergeant didn’t breathe. It just made him more broken. He was almost crying, tried so hard to keep his tears on his eyes, but he couldn’t. He would never let his beloved man died, but he thought that maybe he already died now. 

“Medic!” Richard shouted over and over, but no one came up. Only some soldiers looked at them dumbfounded as they got a little bit stunned after three hours firefight, “what are you doing here? Get the medic now!” he snapped. 

“Come on, man, not now, please,” Richard mumbled, trying to calm him down. He slapped Lee’s cheeks to make him conscious, but the sergeant gave no response. The lieutenant wiped the tears ran down on his lousy face. 

It took some seconds until Doc Turner came down. The medic looked really exhausted. There were many soldiers wounded by the rocket attack. He had to take care of them  
during these last three hours to save their lives. Some really had serious injuries and he worked hard for that.

“So sorry, Lieutenant,” Aidan said and started checking the sergeant.

“Is he _dead_?” Richard asked worriedly.

Aidan just looked at the lieutenant while trying to found Lee’s remaining pulse in his neck. Then he took out his stethoscope, opened Lee’s jungle fatigue and checking his chest, “he doesn’t breathe. His heartbeat is very weak.”

“My bad,” Richard palmed his face.

Aidan gave some push in his chest, but Lee remained unconscious. He took out the combat resuscitation bag valve mask and operated it. It should work well, but after some trying, Lee unusually gave no response. “Just give him mouth-to-mouth, Sir, maybe it will help,” he finally said.

Richard blinked, thinking for a while. He saw Aidan pushed his face closer to Lee, “Just let me do that, Doc,” he butted. 

“Sure,” the medic moved to give the lieutenant access.

Richard pushed himself down closer to his man. Taking a deep breath, he gave him a help. He would give him a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. There was nothing in his mind right now but helping Lee to breathe again. He pinched Lee’s nose and opened his mouth. Then he put his _mouth_ on Lee’s, pushed his breathe out into him. He stopped for a while before starting again. 

Lee’s finger moved very weakly. He felt something bringing him back from uncertainty. Everything was still absurd, he didn’t even open his eyes and he could only hear some unclear noise around. He couldn’t feel his body, only warmth in his mouth. He slowly felt _soft lips_ pushed against his with warm breath fulfilling his mouth and ran down to his lung. There was nothing he could do, but let the oxygen ran back to his respiratory system. 

The sergeant still closed his eyes and Richard took a deep breath before giving him another breathes. It seemed like whether him or Aidan didn’t notice that Lee moved his fingers slowly. He just kept pushing his mouth on Lee and gave him his breathe.

Lee’s consciousness finally came back. He opened his eyes slowly and found someone’s face really close to his. In his sight he saw a long nose across his face, poking in his cheek, then he remembered that shape of ear and the hair cut, that hair color. Then, within two or three seconds he started to realize the softness of that lips possibly belong to someone he knew. He knew who he was and really wanted to scream. With his nose getting pinched, his sudden reaction was only gasping. 

When Lee gasped, Richard let his finger go and pushed his face away. He looked amazed, happy but still worried at the sergeant. Then he smiled weakly. Lee just looked at him and turned to Doc Turner and back to him again. The sergeant just tried to breathe normally. 

“Thanks God, you’re alive!” Richard sighed in relieve.

Lee tried to speak, only opened his mouth slightly, but nothing happened. Aidan took his water canteen out, pulled Lee’s body a little bit up and gave him the water. The sergeant took a small gulp and pushing out the rest he couldn’t swallow. He just controlled his breathe over and over. 

“I dunno why the mask didn’t work but the mouth-to-mouth did. Well, it doesn’t matter,” Aidan shrugged and smiled.

“What happened?” Lee asked weakly. He tried to get up but his head felt really heavy. 

“I found you buried down in the pile of sandbags. I thought you were dead, dammit,” Richard answered. He still couldn’t hide his anxiety in his voice. 

Lee smirked and closed his eyes for a moment before letting Aidan checked the wound he possibly had, “there was a crazy RPG blasted around me, and I didn’t remember what happened next,” he said.

“Your temple bled,” Aidan said, “Do you feel some pain in your head, chest or stomach?” he asked, giving some push in Lee’s body, touching the possible parts in case of internal injuries. 

“No, Doc. I think I’m fine,” Lee answered. Now he could at least sitting himself up. 

“I can take you to the hospital if you want. In case you don’t feel really well. I bet you got a headache,” Aidan offered. 

“Well, no, Doc. Just gimme some painkiller and I’ll be okay,” Lee refused. 

“Alright, man, but lemme take care of that wound first,” Aidan grabbed his aid bag and opened it up. Then he just poured down the water from his canteen into Lee’s face to wash all dirt remained in his wound. He took the iodine swab, applied it on the wound. The sergeant winced every time the stick brushed against the most severe part. 

“It’s a big wound, Pacey, but lucky, you don’t need suture,” Aidan worked with the bandage and tape on Lee’s wound. 

“Good God, Doc,” Lee smiled, “thank you,” he said. 

“What about Waterson? Did you take care of him? How is he now? Is he okay?” Lee suddenly remembered his wounded soldier.

“I didn’t take care of him. Christenson did. But I know he would survive. Christenson told me the bleeding was bad, but that piece of rocket in his stomach didn’t injure his internal organ. He’s now taken to the hospital,” Aidan clarified. 

Lee sighed, “I’m relieved to hear that.”

Aidan smiled back, “Come on, let me help you back to your hutch.”

“I’ll take care of him, Doc, don’t worry,” Richard said.

Aidan nodded, looked both Lee and Richard in turn, “Alright, if you need something Sarge, just call me,” then he left. 

“Thank you, Doc,” Richard said while staring at Lee. 

“I’m still alive, Rich,” Lee mumbled and chuckled.

Richard hummed, “Don’t you know how much I worried about you?” he crossed his arms in his chest, looking really annoyed.

“No, I wish I knew that, seeing you became so worried about me,” Lee shrugged, a blush started hinting in his cheeks. 

“Damn you,” Richard cursed. He looked around. Everyone was busy with their own business and no one paid attention at them, “I thought you were dead,” Richard grabbed Lee’s hand and entwined it with his own. 

“How if I really was?” Lee squeezed Richard’s hand gently.

 

“I’ll _never_ forgive myself,” Richard answered and patted Lee’s hair with his other hand.

“I’m so sorry about last night, Rich, I shouldn't tell you that,” Lee said.

“No, it was me, Lee. I was just too exaggerated. I’m sorry,” Richard insisted.

“It’s alright,” Lee smiled softly, making the lieutenant’s heart warm. He thought about their conversation before, but decided not to talk about it anymore.

“Let me help you up,” Richard stood up first and pulled Lee carefully, “you need some rest.”

“You too,” Lee got up.

They walked together to Lee’s bunker. Richard tried to guide Lee, but the sergeant refused. It would be a too much thing to see by the other men, he said. 

Lee looked intensely at Richard’s face and saw a track of tears in his lousy dirt covered face, “Did you cry, Richard?” he asked.

Richard smirked and raised his eyebrows, “I did,” he answered, halted his pace for a second, “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered. 

“Thank you,” Lee smiled coyly, biting his lower lip, “it wasn’t a good thing, but I like to see you really care about me.”

“I just can’t get you out of _my mind_ , Lee,” Richard admitted.

The blushing in Lee’s face got worse, “yeah, me too,” he nodded shyly, “hey, can I asked you something?”

Richard hummed, rolling his eyes, pursing his lips.

“Was that you who gimme the mouth-to-mouth?” Lee asked curiously.

Richard snorted, “what if I say, yes it was me?”

Lee giggled, he pushed his face closer to Richard’s ear, “well, like it or not, you’ve already _kissed_ me, Rich,” he said.

Richard chuckled happily, but suddenly stopped, “it was a resuscitation in an emergency circumstance, you asshole. But yeah, I literally kissed you.”

Lee bit his lower lip again, and looked at the lieutenant deep in his eyes, “your lips felt good,” he blushed to the limit. 

Richard couldn’t help but laugh, “now I know you’d woke up when I gave you the second breathe. You just took advantage from it.”

“No, no, I just wanted to make sure, Sir,” Lee chuckled.

“Well, I didn’t really mean it, but it happened and I was just happy to do that,” Richard shrugged, “you know what? Doc was the one who would give you that help, but I stopped him and offered myself.”

Lee hummed, “you must be jealous,” he teased.

“Your lips is _mine_ , Sarge,” Richard said in a low seductive voice, close to the sergeant’s ear.

Lee swallowed his spit. He pursed his lips in a nervous way and smirked.

“Now, try to get some sleep,” Richard stopped near Lee’s bunker. 

“Alright,” Lee nodded, “you too, you looked more terrible than me, L.T, take rest well.”

“See ya,” Richard waved his hand slightly and turned his heel. 

At his way back to his corner, Richard thought about many things inside his head. He smiled for himself. His hand trying to keep down but he couldn’t resist touching his own lips. He kept touching it while remembered how soft, puffy and kissy his sergeant’s lips was. He once really wanted to know how did it _tastes_. Now he already _knew_.

Walked down to his own hutch, Richard took his jungle fatigue out, pouring his water down his body. He washed away all the dirt, sweat and exhaustion.. Then he pushed down himself to his cot. His eyes shut tight but opened a moment later. He recalled what happened in those last four hours. There was nothing scarier than overcame the truth that Lee almost died. Then all kind of that anxiety, panic, and sadness he got when it came to the matter of fact that Lee probably died made him learned about three things. First, He really couldn’t get Lee out of his mind. Second, he would never want to lose him. Then the last, he’d already _loved him so much_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * RPG : known as Rocket-propelled Grenade (The original Russian name: ruchnoy protivotankovy granatomyot) is an anti-tank weapon system that firing rockets, designed as shoulder-fired weapon, originally purposed as anti-tank grenade launcher. in Vietnam war the North Vietnamese Army commonly used the Soviet made of this weapon.


	6. Captain Lilly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another 'key' character appears in the story. She goes deeper into the massacre case, further than anyone, and be ready to reveal the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter isn't really RichLee, but significant for the whole storyline :)

**The 95th Evacuation Hospital, Da Nang, South Central Coast Region, South Vietnam**

It was a sunshiny morning at early May 1969. There was a simple small Quonset hut located not far from a watchtower inside the hospital area. It wasn’t different from other building there, but everyone who stepped inside the room would know. It was special. Many Vietnamese orphan children stayed there, playing and running. Some of them were the survivors of diabolic mass killing in a small hamlet named Tinh Khe. A tragedy that happened in January, cost all of their family members, all mothers and fathers. 

A young lady dressed in Army lightweight olive colored fatigue, with light brown hair tied neatly in a simply bun stood in the threshold, looking at the children playing with each other. They would be no longer here. The Nurse Corps had already contacted several orphanages in Saigon and Da Nang to take care of them. This hospital could no longer afford them as more soldiers wounded taken here from day to day, and of course needed rooms. 

She smiled both happily and sadly. For this whole five months she got along with those children. She taught them to read, write and sing. As a nurse, when she was off duty, mostly of her job these days were more like a kindergarten teacher. When those children went away, this room would be so boring, so did her life. For all years she spent in Vietnam, she only encountered blood and death, and she would surely return to it soon. 

Evangeline Lilly was a Surgical Intensive Care unit officer. She had been in Vietnam for two years and ranked a captain. She was twenty eight year old, married to a U.S airman for three years with no children. She liked kids and every time she found them in this terrible place, she would be excited. Some local Vietnamese villagers around Da Nang took their children to the hospital for once a week in nurse off duty day. The hospital provided medical helps not only for U.S soldiers, airmen, sailors or marines, or American civilians but also Vietnamese people. The infant immunization was one that made this hospital more crowded and joyful at the off duty Sunday. 

She closed the playing room door and returned to her office desk, two blocks from the hut. She looked up at her locker. Something reminded her after looking at those Tinh Khe children’s faces. She opened it and took a file of paper out. With thoughtful face, she turned to her chair, putting the documents on the table. She read them one by one, now she remembered. Those were the important file she collected from the massacre survivors. A week after those children and the remainder civilians from the hamlet taken to this hospital, a man met her. He claimed as a helicopter pilot who rescued them.

He was a warrant officer named Karl Urban from 123rd Aviation Battalion in Camp Chu Lai. He told the whole frightening story about the massacre. It was a thing that encouraged her to start her own investigation about this tragedy. WO6 Karl Urban sent her a letter about the cover-up related to the wrongdoing some weeks later. She was getting more curious and moved by the case. 

Captain Lilly interviewed the survivors through an interpreter. It took more times as nothing was easy when trying to collect information from traumatic people. But she kept waiting and trying. Now she got all of their testimonies related to what happened in the hamlets. Once the helicopter pilot told her that there was a platoon leader who resisted his own superior’s command to waste, and torch the whole hamlet. The lieutenant tried to save the children from the guns, the warrant officer said, and he was very helpless. That was why he wanted to reveal this tragedy even more. He asked her to help him bring this case up to the Court Martial, supposedly to help the lieutenant. He had to pay more prices for his humanity acts that he and his platoon men couldn’t get a fair tour of duty limit. Karl said, the lieutenant and some of his men could not go home because what they did at the hamlet. When they had no idea to tell the truth, Karl hoped she could help them, and she would. 

She looked out through the window. Still thoughtful, she had another idea. She would write a letter to some representatives in Washington, or even President Nixon. Maybe it would not be only one letter, it could be as many as she wanted. As she wished and assure someone, any of them on the White House would finally read and found out about the diabolic tragedy at two small hamlets in South Vietnam. Captain Lilly was a tough woman. She survived more than two tours of duty in Vietnam while other nurses chose to back home, and was sure she could help to reveal this sad and shocking truth.


	7. Dawn In The Hot LZ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One mission to carry pathfinders into an LZ near Laos-Vietnam border finally takes the crews and the pilot into the limit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not kinda RichLee again, but I have to give space for Karl, Luke, and Craig because they appear as three important characters back to A Hamlet Up The Hill, the root of all problem.

**Camp Chu Lai, 123rd Aviation Battalion Headquarters, Quang Nam, South of Da Nang, South Vietnam**

Karl Heinz Urban was a warrant officer served as Bell UH-1 Iroquois troop carrier gunship-helicopter pilot. He spent at least three tours of duty in Vietnam, first one with the 1st Cavalry Airmobile in 1965, and transferred to The Warlords at January 1968. Coming from a small town in Maryland, United States, he never expected to experience combat actions from Siege of Plei Mei 1965, Battle of Bong Son 1966, to the entire phases of Tet Offensive 1968 during his years in Vietnam. 

Karl was a dedicated officer. He started his career at the military in 1964. As a law student in Harvard, he later chose to drop out and drafted to U.S Air Force where he couldn’t pass the test and ended up in The Army. Taking helicopter was proved not to be really bad compared to U.S bomber B-52. He had a good career in military as a special unit officer. A Warrant Officer rank was quite impressive for someone who just 29 year old. 

From all of those military operations, he thought the mass killing over villagers in Quang Ngai hamlets was the most haunting. He could even barely sleep for a week after eyewitnessing the whole tragedy. As a stolid, self-contained person, he never really talked to his chopper crews about that. He eventually reported to his superior as an act of responsibility. One thing he did later was telling a nurse in Da Nang because she told she would help to reveal the truth. Another thing he could only do after hearing about the quick cover-up was writing his complete testimonies and recorded it. He planned to send the package to Captain Lilly in Da Nang as soon as possible. In case something happened to him one day before he could finish his latest tour of duty, his testimony would be valid if the case was finally brought up to the Court Martial someday. 

Karl really risked his career as a high-ranked officer by taking the mass murder case very seriously. He never met Lieutenant Armitage again after that rescue day at Tinh Khe, but knew well how the lieutenant and his men were more powerless in doing further action against the wrongdoing. He could do something more, for the lieutenant and for justice for sure. No one knew whether this case would eventually come to the Court Martial or not. Neither had they got the justice they wanted. As soon as the perpetrators discharged from their duty, it would be really hard to recheck the case back to January 1969. No valid and accountable evidence like real photographs found to be shown at the court. But he never gave up. He believed in truth and justice. So, like it or not, sooner or later, a truth would be always a truth. 

It was a Sunday night at Camp Chu Lai, at early June 1969. Karl found he felt really empty that day, and decided to chill out in the base area bar which always busy and crowded at the day-off. Not a good alcoholic, he was a chain smoker instead. What he would do at the bar were just sitting at the corner of bar counter, avoiding people—even if they just wanted to say hello, drinking one or two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and spending the whole of his Marlboro pack. 

As an unexpected thing, Karl was surrounded by two of his chopper crews. The doorgunner and the crew chief, Luke Evans and his inseparable fellow, Craig Parker. These two guys from sunbathing town of Miami could be really annoying sometimes. A reason why Karl rarely talked to them because they liked to talk a lot about a lot of things. 

“Hey, Chief,” Luke grinned, showing his red tinted face after taking some amount of booze. 

The warrant officer hummed, “if you just wanna make fun of me, leave me alone, troop.”

“Take it easy, Chief,” Craig nodded and smiled.

“So what now?” Karl could resist smiling to both of them. Though he didn’t really talk a lot to them, he’d been with them for almost two years. So, he had no reason not to talk to them.

“You’re here, sittin’ at the corner of the bar, not really your style,” Luke said. 

“I’m bored,” Karl told and sipped the beer from the can.

“Livin’ here in the Nam is always tough, boredom is the worst enemy,” Craig lit his own cigarette. 

“I’m not gonna ask both of you why you here,” Karl chuckled softly. 

“This is the best place in the base, tho,” Luke smiled.

“Prepare your ass, man, I have a good news—and a bad news,” Karl quirked his eyebrows.

“Oh man! Every single thing here is bad news, Chief, start with the good one then,” Craig said.

“In country R&R is coming for us, one week at Cam Ranh Bay, starts from June 15,” Karl nodded.

“Well, more beers, and girls, sunbathing like back home in Florida!” Craig yelled out.

“Shut up, Parky!” Luke giggled, “now the bad news, Chief.”

“We’re heading into Giang, near Laotian border, gonna carry one pathfinder squad, at 0100 hours, Wednesday. Is it bad enough?” Karl shrugged and lit another cigarette.  
Craig and Luke lost a small from their face. It wasn’t just bad, it would be boring and more annoying. An image of running bullets in the air and continual M60’s firing fulfilled their minds. 

“That’s why I’m here. Flying chopper in darkness means no good,” Karl shook his head.

“Oh, damn,” Luke buried his face in his hands, “a lotta work to do before that goddamned paradise at Cam Ranh Bay.”

“It would take at least four hours into Giang. Headquarters detect a progressive activity of VC out of Ho Chi Minh Trail, move from the north through Laos into the west border. We’ll be the first to be there, dropping those goddamned pathfinders. We’ve discussed it, the LZ possibly strategic enough to land, far from the enemy’s trail, and we’re gonna be there at dawn. Well, at least there would be a light on the LZ out there,” Karl explained well though he didn’t feel really good to tell them.

“A doorgunner will always be doorgunner, Sir,” Luke smiled weakly.

“And a pilot will always be a pilot, Shotgun Rider,” Karl nudged Luke’s arm. 

“Hey, what about a crew chief?” Craig snorted, “oh, well, not funny, huh? Let’s make another bad day, gentlemen,” he grabbed a can of Budweiser and gulped on it. 

“That was why I feel so bored, sonny. It’s been five months since that bad day at Tinh Khe,” Karl started, actually beyond his control.

“Well, Chief, I don’t think you would like to talk ‘bout that,” Craig said.

“I don’t, Parker. I just feel enough to keep it all from you, lately. We were there, and we saw what happened,” Karl continued. 

“That’s one shittiest thing I saw in life, but we have no idea about what to do anymore, Chief, the cover-up, I mean,” Luke insisted.

“No, I still believe in truth and justice. That nurse in Da Nang interviewed the remainders of both hamlets. Her file is complete and she will send mail to the House back at the mainland, and I’ve recorded my whole testimonies,” Karl butted. 

Both the doorgunner and the crew chief raised their eyebrows, “are you sure this gonna be brought up to the Court Martial, Chief?” Craig finally asked.  
“Yeah. Sooner, or later. Those goddamned motherfuckers would pay the price,” Karl swore, dragging deep on his cigarette. 

 

The air was extremely cold. It was pass midnight and one Huey flew northwest in the middle of darkness. One pathfinder squad was there among the chopper crews. Not the first experience for three of the crews in night mission, this thing was still more frightening than in the daylight. Everyone stayed silent during the freezing four hours toward Laotian border. At anytime, this could be their last thing to do in life. 

Luke held his attached M-60 tight, sitting on the outer left cot of the chopper. He was the easiest first target of enemy’s weapon. Trying to be as calm as possible, he just sat there, adjusting his helmet with one hand. He kept the 5 minutes life of a doorgunner phrases in his head, even right at the moment he gazed into endless darkness. If there was someone killed in this operation, he would certainly be the first one along with the other doorgunner. 

Karl kept the whole of his minds into the controls before him. One hand gripped on the cyclic, the other on the collective. Feet had to be precisely working on the foot pedals, controlling the tail rotor. He had been with this kind of stuff for many years, but his limited night vision, like it or not, still burdened him more, making this job wasn’t really good as usual.  
At the middle of the chopper, Craig and the rest of pathfinder soldiers remained silent. No one ever really talked during the flight. Only the annoying sound of helicopter’s engine filled the air. It was truly dark, only moonlight could show some silhouette of this pathfinder squad members’ face. Though he knew they were not green young soldiers, Craig could see what kind of fear they had in their head. All of those eyes didn’t move from one direction, they stared emptily into darkness, like blind old men. Craig looked down at the landscape where there were some small light of candles marched along the trail. It was possibly Vietcong tracked into one fighting position. If they did, those candles were one stupid mistake in case there would be American aircraft flew around. At least this helicopter wasn’t responsible for them. He didn’t know where they would head to or even where this helicopter was. If it was still 02.30, so it must not be around Giang yet.

Hours passed by. The sky was still dark, no cloud, but a hint of dawn started show up in the east. It went on almost slow motion to see how the landscape gradually turned clear. They were already in Giang, just waiting for the set up in LZ. Then, Karl and the co-pilot began their conversation prior to the landing. That kind of communication created too many thoughts in Karl’s head. It was something always stirring his mind and it was a real countdown to unknown. 

The helicopter slowly hovered down into a valley. The whirling winds built up around the blades. The sky was a little bit dark, but provided enough and better light for landing. Then the tubular skids finally touched the ground, and Karl slowed the engine. Craig did his job, made sure the landing done well. Luke and the other door gunner steadied on their machine guns. 

The grasses around the valley were tall. It supposedly hid something behind. Though the light was coming out and the soldiers didn’t notice anything suspicious, the helicopter crew chief looked very anxious. It was the tall grass that seemed peculiar. He kept looking as those pathfinders began to disappear one by one as they got into the grass.  
“Mission complete, all clear, let’s get outta here, Chief,” Craig mentioned through his headphone. 

The helicopter’s engine worked harder, and now it almost hovered up, ready to leave that valley. Then suddenly, from behind the tall grass, massive gun firing heard and echoing at the valley. It was insanely continual gunfire coming from both types of RPD and PK machine guns. From what everyone could hear in that valley, there were so many of those machine guns. It must be NVA collaborated with VC, as many as one complete company. 

“Dammit, let’s get outta here!” Luke fired his M60 against the tall grass. 

Karl worked hard flying the chopper out of sudden hot LZ but the gunfire was too intense. The bullets hit the helicopter’s body over and over from the right. Now Luke had no idea how to turn the attached M60 to the left while he positioned on the left side. His fellow gunner fired the right machine gun against the fire source, and almost useless. The sudden enemy attack really hit them on their weak spot. There were so many of them, all equipped with adequate weapons.

Helicopter crews were a good target for the enemy. They liked to shoot and importantly waste them. American forces chopper crews along with the pilot and co pilot were so worthy for NVA and VC. They were responsible for soldiers’ transports, if NVA and VC could knock them off, it would be better as it prevent American forces deploying more men into battlefields. 

Enemy machine guns really hit the tail rotor and blades. There was no much the pilot and co pilot could do but they kept trying as long as the engine still worked. Slowly the skid left the ground and the chopper started hover.

“Shit! The engine fucked up!” Karl suddenly yelled out. The engine eventually no longer worked well. The gunfire got more intense than before, now it really broke the cockpit glass. The hovering turned a mess. The chopper lost its balance.

For worse, through the broken glasses, a deadly bullet finally hit Michael Moore the co pilot right in his head, went through his helmet.

“Fuck! Moore!” Karl shouted as blood and some small parts of brains splattered in the right side of his face. He glanced at his side and his co-pilot sat down lifelessly with a bloody big hole in his helmet. 

Luke’s fellow door gunner, Jim Anderson got hit in his face and followed by more bullets in his chest. He died instantly. Now they really didn’t have covering fire at the right side where the gunfire started from. 

“Shit, this copper is gonna break!” Luke shrieked. It was true. The chopper was getting uncontrolled after the engine broke down. It hovered to the right side. The remaining crews knew it wouldn’t be long until they really died in that wrecked aircraft. The blades sound was absolutely frightening like it was going to explode soon. 

Then that Huey came to its end. It collapsed to the right side. The blades crushed in the ground, made the chopper body moved in circle for a moment. Finally it stopped, but dark grey smoke from the tail started gathering in the air, like a signal of burning or explosion. 

“Get out!” Karl shouted while struggling with his seatbelt. Two crews who were attached to a monkey harness in their uniform worked hard to release themselves. It was a battle against time until they jumped off the wrecked chopper. Then they ran away from the chopper that started burning and from enemy’s fire that gradually stopped as fire came out of chopper and burned the body. It burned their fellow crewmen as well. 

Three remainders of the Huey looked hopelessly at the burning chopper. They would never leave this valley alive. All of those pathfinders were actually wasted by the enemy in between the tall grass. They would never come out of there, so did them. This mission was surely incomplete. They were failed. Once the headquarters believed this LZ was the most ideal and confidential for pathfinders landing, but they were proven wrong. NVA and VC knew better about this landscape, and as they marched from the north through Laos, there were so many of them in this valley. U.S Army was also proven wrong because the hill in the north of this valley was NVA and VC new stronghold. Sending one chopper with a pathfinder squad into this valley was just the same as putting defenseless cattle into a hungry tiger’s den. They would certainly be eaten alive and fast. 

No one of those three American helicopters crewmen had adequate weapons for a self defense. Only Karl took a revolver with him everywhere as an officer. It would be nothing compared to those PK and RPD Soviet machine guns. 

“It’s over,” Karl took his helmet off but didn’t even touch the blood in his face.

“So what are we gonna do now?” Luke asked helplessly.

“Nothing. We’re gonna die here,” Craig answered. 

They had no enough time to move away from that valley. Beside the fact that they didn’t know where to go, this valley was surrounded by hills which one of them was enemy’s stronghold. So there would be no escape. 

_“Dung lai!”_ that shouting constantly made those three men stayed on their place, not even had change to take one step away.

 _“Buong sung xuong!”_ a member of Peoples Army of Vietnam pointed at the revolver in Karl’s hand, instructing him to put it on the ground. The pilot followed the order.

“It’s even _worse_ ,” Karl mumbled as he realized a cold muzzle of an AK-47 pushed the back of his neck very painfully. He knew there were other men, muttering some less understandable words in Vietnamese, did the same thing to the doorgunner and the crew chief. At this point, they would certainly prefer _death_ than this.

 _“Dua tay len!”_ they put their hands up. Now they officially turned into _prisoners of war_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LZ: military terminology, means Landing Zone


	8. The Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee received a letter from his little brother.  
> it was July and no one ever realize that life changed so quickly.

**Fire Support Base Jackson, Hu Thien District, Tay Ninh Province, South Vietnam**

Monsoon season came in July 1969. The Base got muddy and slippery usually at morning where rain stopped after all night long. In the morning sun shone brightly, daylights were always hot and exhausting, but absolutely changed when it was getting dark. Vietnam monsoon was surely extreme. This was when many soldiers who had problem with immunity could easily got diseases like malaria, or trenchfoot when they went to ambush patrol for days. 

Lee walked out of his bunker in the morning. The mud was everywhere and the rainfall last night made the indoor absolutely humid. He couldn’t breathe freshly if he kept himself inside the hutch with some other guys. The air was thick in morning fogs. It felt fresh but extremely cold. Even the sun hadn’t shine already at six o’clock. He returned to the hutch and went out with a canteen cup full of hot coffee. A cigarette would be a good partner for this. 

“Hey Pacey!” Lee glanced around when he heard someone calling behind the thick fogs.

“Red, is that you?” Ed Spears, the Native American guy appeared with a canvass bag full of something. 

“Yeah,” Ed nodded, “I got some letters for our guys this morning,” he said.

“What?” Lee looked at the bag in his fellow’s hand, “ain’t it too early to deliver in this kinda gloomy morning?”

“Well, it is,” Ed shrugged, “but the post came very early this morning, maybe this should be delivered yesterday. Oh, I got a letter for you,” he read some names and gave the one with Lee’s name on it to the other guy.

Lee put his coffee on the sandbag and read the one who wrote that letter. 

“Hey, I got to go now, Pace. So long, man,” Ed said before he went to other bunkers.

“Well, alright, buddy. Thanks,” Lee waved his hand without shifting his face from the letter. He just read it thoughtfully.

 

_Cpl. William J Pace_  
_Co.D/2nd Btn/1st Marine Regiment/ 1st Marine Div._  
_Quang Tri, South Vietnam, 5210_

**To:**  
_Sgt. Lee G Pace_  
_Co.C/2nd Btn/27th IR/25th Inf Div._  
_Tay Ninh, South Vietnam, 8420_

Lee smiled after found out the name of who sent the letter. He impatiently opened the envelope and took the letter out. 

 

_Dear my big bro,_  
_How the hell are you doing? It’s been a long long days. I’ve been in ‘Nam since September and never see you ‘till now. I received many letters from home. It was from Mom, but Sally also sent me sometimes. What about you? Our folks said you never write home. Why, Big Man? They worry bout you. You should write them sometime just to make sure you’re alive. I know you are._  
_How’s your day in Tay Ninh? You know what, bro, it was so goddamn hard to find out where you are now. The last time you wrote me, you’re in Cu Chi, but I asked guys in the headquarters about your recent unit location._  
_It’s been a long time you never home. It’s your third TOD and I hope this is your last one. I’ll be home in October, cause I don’t think to have more TOD like you. I really wish you come home, brother. It was ’66 when you left and now its 69. There are a lot of things we should do when we go back to Oklahoma._  
_Hey, I’m gonna tell you something. I had two days in country R &R last week in Cam Ranh Bay. Finally, after some boring moments with ambush patrols! Well, this sorta R&R is too soon for us, but the platoon leader worked it for everyone in his platoon. So, we just chilled out as he commanded. It was a nice coast with so many sweet Army nurses in swimsuits. I talked to some but they looked uninterested with me. Well, I’m just an eighteen year old boy by the way. They said I’m too young for them. But that’s not the point. I ran a kite with some guys. The wind was sooo good and the kite running high. You know what, I remembered you and home and our backyard when I did it. That’s why I write you this letter. I missed those days when we ran kites through the prairie off of our backyard. I hope we’re gonna play it again when we’re home._

_Things always get uncertain here, brother, but I hope we can make it. It’s been nine months, and Nam is truly a fucking hell. How the fuck you can be here for three years? Well, I hope you write me back soon. Good luck._

_Sincerely,_

_Billy_

 

Lee kept a smile on his face even after he finished reading the letter from his little brother. He surely would write him back soon, maybe after finishing that almost forgotten morning coffee. The sergeant was going to miss his little brother even more. What Billy mentioned about running kites brought his mind directly to home. In a sudden struck of memory about childhood and beautiful life. He really wanted to see that light he would only found in his home again, but he couldn’t. Only gloom and darkness clung around in his every day in Vietnam. He wanted to go home, but he knew he had something to do here. 

 

_Dear Lil’ Bro_

_I’m fine, Little Man. Of course it is damn long but I never count any days lately. That’s good you keep in touch with home. The last letter I received was for the last Christmas, and I never wrote Mom again since that day. I’m deeply sorry. I hate to tell you that I have many things to do here. I want to tell you everything, but I just can’t._  
_Tay Ninh is always overwhelming. My battalion had to move from one FSB to another within these last five months. NVA and VC always tried to attack. Life is just getting tough here. Now it’s raining very often and much harder. Hey, it’s monsoon, I hope you don’t get trenchfoot from some patrols._  
_I know it is. I don’t like to see you remind me how many TOD I’ve spent in this hell. I just can’t go home too soon, but I promise you I will. Well, I know you’re a kinda short timer, you’re not gonna be here for more than 13 months. That’s not bad. That’s good for you. The longer you get stuck in this place, the harder you’re gonna get outta here._  
_Cam Ranh Bay should be on my agenda. But I don’t really know when I’ll get my in country R &R. We don’t get chance to recuperate very often. Thought Marine is tougher, but now I know you guys are chillin’ out too. Ah, kept trying little man! Flirting with girls or not, for me you’re still a seven year old kid who can’t sleep without one of Sally’s teddy bears. Now you make me really miss our home. I miss those days with kites too. How green the prairie at the backyard. I almost can feel the wind blows when you remind me about that. The sun shone so bright and the breeze was so fresh in early summer. I extremely miss those days and I’ll blame you for this. I promise you I’m gonna be home. Just wait for me.,/em>  
_Yes, you should make it. There are a lot of things to do back to Oklahoma. Well, it has always been. If you’re here longer, you’ll find out more shitty unexpected things. That’s the one I can’t tell you now. Wait for me at home when you’re discharged. I’m gonna tell you everything._ _

__p.s: stop swearing at me, you little asshole! Plus, I’m no longer sergeant, it’s staff sergeant now. In case you write me back, put the right rank on it. Oh, I forgot to tell you how I can enjoy weeds as much as I want here. You’re a jarhead, gonna go to Long Binh if you try it, poor you._ _

__With Love_ '_

__Your bro, L._ _

Thunder struck at one late afternoon. It rumbled all along the wet green jungle. The rain fell really hard that day. Humidity rose at the worse level. Third Platoon left the base for a security patrol at midnight. No raining last night, the sun shone so bright and warm in the morning, and suddenly turned into a hard rainfall so quickly. Welcome to Vietnamese monsoon. A season of uncertainty. 

Covered by helmets on heads and ponchos on their bodies, the men strode along the thick vegetation. They had a regular task to search any suspicious sign in the jungle around the base. Every platoon had their own searching point. What the Third Platoon went through was an untouched area by American forces as it located close to Cambodian border. It was only possibly contacted by VC guerillas and their NVA allies. 

They had walked for hours under the rainfall. Their platoon leader frequently stopped to gave them chance to check surrounding, or just to drink some water. They found nothing but big trees and some animals like leeches creeping on their body and sucked their blood. It wasn’t even 24 hours, but some soldiers looked a little bit overwhelmed by the extreme changing of sunny day into raining. At the dry season, these kind of tropical forests were already hot and humid. When it came to the monsoon, everything might be worse. The level of humidity increased. It surely created an uncomfortable feeling for anyone stayed on it. When things got humid, it was even hard to breathe some fresh air. 

Nobody ever really talked when they tracked the route. Their senses worked much harder than usual. Sometimes it made them thought like animals. Every single suspicious motion or sound that came from somewhere outside the men was considered as threat. They had to do their job very carefully, even when they stepped into the mud or a pile of branch and leaves on the jungle ground. 

Richard was standing on a higher ground by a massive banyan tree, waiting the rest of his men gathered in the point. He was the patrol leader, along with Adrien as his assistant patrol leader and Tony as (still) the radioman. Everybody got their own job in this patrol, surely for the veterans. Just like Ed Spears as the navigator. Lee as the pointman who had a very important job to make sure his patrol team safe from enemy’s ambush. He worked with Orly as the coverman who was responsible to cover the pointman with his M60.   
This patrol team was scheduled to return tomorrow afternoon. This kind of patrol was actually one of the easiest. A security patrol was conducted in purpose of screening the surrounding of a large unit to warn enemy’s commander in case they would give some surprise attack. Simply, it was used to ruin that kind of pranks the enemy wanted to give. Some of those men have already bored with more dangerous things like ambush patrols back then. Surely, they would get that kind of chance again. Sooner or later, there would be some VC villages if they headed further to the west. 

It was getting dark when Richard dispersed the men into four squads. All of them would patrol in four directions, but should not move too far from each other. As they moved into smaller unit, everybody had responsibility for their own squads. They would gather into one point few hours later. Night patrol was always adventurous. You would never know what you found in the middle of nowhere darkness. It could be some Vietcong guerillas, creepy big snake moved between your feet, or even ferocious tiger looking for prey when you were not lucky. Everybody had to remember that they were in Indochinese jungle. 

Rain stopped when the jungle turned black. It left only coldness, more humidity and crickets’ sounds. Every single step on the ground sounded suspicious, whether it truly belonged to the VCs or even themselves. Rain had stopped but it left some water on the tree branches. When wind blew the branch would move and dropped the water down to the thick vegetation below. When it poured down into big leaves bushes and left some sounds, it seemed like someone just passed. Even their own breath would be weird when they stuck at this situation. Holding their rifles on the right position was the best way to keep safe. 

Lee stopped and let his squad to rest and to drink some water before they returned to the point. He sat down on a poking root of a big tree and gulping water from his canteen. He was a little bit hungry but they would just have breakfast in the morning. Then he groped every pocket in his fatigue until he found something to eat. It was a Hershey’s chocolate bar, half bitten, and melted by his own body temperature. He cracked the melting chocolate into two chunks and ate one of them. It should be enough ‘till morning. If it wasn’t, he would blame himself to be someone who could be hungry faster than anyone. 

The sergeant stretched his long legs. He kept sitting on the pebble as watching his own men gathered not far from him. He had to make sure they were all there. Some just rested, gulping their water, and eat some chocolate or sweets from their rations while the other stood with their M-16 pointed forward in case there would be a sudden attack. They would shift their position afterward. 

They were not allowed to smoke even if the air felt too cold. A smoke from cigarette would spread easier at night where wind blew stronger than in the daylight. It was just a prevention to avoid some unwanted things. So, what they could do was just eating some snacks. 

Lee decided to move fifteen minutes later. He and his men had walked for two and half hours without stopped at all. Everyone deserve a good time before they continued. Richard told him to use different route where he could reached the point only in one hour. If you were in a patrol, you should use different route to return in case of enemy already tracked you down on your first route when you leave. 

This jungle wasn’t totally dark at night. The sky wasn’t too black either. It was quite clear until Lee could see stars above. In the ongoing fifteen minutes, he just brought himself deeper into his own mind. He remembered his little brother. For these last half a year, he never be so homesick like when he finally received a letter from Billy. Sure, he wanted to go home, but he couldn’t do it just now. Billy would return in October, if he could finish this last TOD, he would be home in January. It would be straight four year since he left home. 

“Hey, sergeant, should we move now?” Jack’s voice brought Lee back from his thought. 

Lee didn’t answer at first. He just tried to collect his mind. 

“Should we move now, Sir?”

“Oh, well, ten minutes,” Lee answered. 

Jack sat next to him, “are you alright, Sarge?” he asked. His eyes glimmered in the dark, studying Lee’s face. 

“I’m okay, just a lil bit hungry,” Lee looked back into those eyes. 

He tried to wipe the thought about home and his family away but when he looked at this young man’s eyes, he just remembered his little brother again. Jack always reminded him of Billy even since the first time he joined the platoon. He was just eighteen year old too. Quite short compared to Lee, reddish brown haired, pale colored eyes, easy to be tricked, with the similar joyful smile and childish laughter.

“If you’re hungry, just eat your chocolate, make sure you’ll be alright when we walk later,” Lee said.

Jack shook his head, “I ain’t hungry, Sir,” he mumbled like a little boy. 

Lee hummed and smiled.

“Sarge, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Lee muttered.

“Do you think we’re gonna win this war?” Jack asked. 

Lee glanced to the left, tried to look at Jack right in his eyes, “I don’t know. This is not our war, how could we win?” he shrugged.

“I don’t know,” Jack said, “I’m just wondering about thousands men who died in this war. Was it worth? When we got nothing but thousands dead men back home in coffins and flags, what we are supposed to do? I mean, that’s what we found, what we get for four years doing intervention in this war.”

Lee went stunned by Jack’s words. He never heard him talking like this before, “We made mistake at the first place. The very first place. We would blame Lyndon Johnson for this shit, but that’s nothing. We got Nixon right now, but it doesn’t change much. Rich old men from White fucking House sent innocent young boys to the war they don’t belong to. Yeah, we got nothing but crying mothers who lost their sons in this pointless war. I regretted myself, but I’m already stuck here. When everybody realizes that this war is suck, the sooner they leave this livin’ hell, the better their life would be. If your question is what we are supposed to do, the answer is you gotta leave this place and don’t you ever return to this hell if you don’t want to waste your life.”

Jack chuckled, “how if I die before I could return?” he asked.

Lee stopped smiling, “how could you ask that question to someone who is still alive?” 

“Just wondering if you know,” Jack added. 

Lee sighed. He hated when someone asked such question. Once he did it to Richard and he hated it then. Simply he didn’t want to see someone died—again.

The sergeant sighed, “I don’t know. Stop asking me that question. I asked someone once and I regretted it. You’re gonna be okay, boy.”

“Well, alright,” Jack nodded.

They stared at the darkness and suddenly one small light came up from the unseen grass and bushes below. Then the others appeared. One by one, they synchronized and lighted up the dark jungle. Like small city lights viewed from afar, they were so beautiful.

“Hey look sarge, it’s fireflies!” Jack was amazed. 

Lee giggled, “right,” he said, “they come up after the rain. I don’t know if they will fly in this kinda season. It’s beautiful.”

“Have you ever heard about their myth? Some believe when they are around means someone is gonna die,” Jack said, left Lee a little bit uncomfortable with his words, “Or that they symbolize souls of those who died.” 

Fireflies roamed around the squad, making those guys chattering to each other over those tiny insects. 

Lee stayed for another minutes, just to let his men and himself enjoyed such beautiful view in the middle of darkness. 

Finally, they were ready to walk again. Then they crossed the beautiful little lanterns. Someone had to stop for a while. He took his camera for one of the most precious moment they ever had in Vietnam. Though the result would be only white little spots on the black background, it would be one good picture to show to folks at home someday. 

 

It was a noon at the end of July 1969. Lee received a letter few hours ago, but left it untouched in his cot. He was here and there all day. He talked a lot to Richard and some guys since morning. It was a nice day, simply because rain didn’t fall since the day before. so everybody was on their good mood. 

That night, Third Platoon men threw a little party for—they said, one sunshiny day in monsoon with no rain at all. Eventually, they liked to throw some random parties for every unimportant occasion. Now they are likely called the party grunts. 

Lee didn’t really enjoy the party. He gulped some booze and took some hits of joint. But he decided to return to his hutch and had a moment of silence for himself. 

He stood by his cot and looked at the brown colored big envelope on it. He sat down, feeling a little bit anxious to open the letter which he finally did. 

Something seemed went wrong. He read a name of someone he didn’t know on the address column. This letter must be sent for someone else. Yet he looked into the   
envelope. There were some letters put inside it. 

He took them and read one of them. It was weird. He read his own letter. Yes, it was the letter he sent some weeks ago to his little brother. Something must be happened. 

The other letter was written by Billy but it looked like never been sent. Something happened to his little brother. 

Then he took a piece of paper between those letters. He opened it up and found a very different handwriting. It was written by someone else.

 

_Dear, Sgt. Pace_

__Maybe you’ll be very confused when you receive this letter. I actually didn’t know how to write this to you, but I have to. I’m basically not responsible to tell Billy’s family about this, but no one wanted to do this. So I did. Forgive me if this letter is just too late to be received by you.__  
_Sergeant Pace, I’m deeply sorry to tell you that your brother Corporal William Pace killed in action, on 14 July 1969. He died that day on an ambush patrol outside of Cam Lo, Quang Tri. He died instantly during the intense firefight with Vietcong guerillas by the severe wounds he got in head and chest._  
_This news might be so hard to accept for you, but I had to write you. Billy told me he was very happy because he received a letter from his brother. He said, it was the best thing he had for these last few months because he never heard anything from you. He was glad to hear you are alright. I knew he finally write another letter for you, right before we went to ambush patrol that day. He just didn’t have much time to send it. He would wait ‘till the patrol over, he said. That’s why I sent it to you along with this letter, because I know he would never be able to send his letter anymore._  
_I know I’m not very competent for this thing. As I told you, no one is going to write his brother about this, and our platoon leader asked me because I’m the only one who knew about your letter and his unsent letter. The headquarters had sent the official telegram to your family._  
_Once again, I am deeply sorry for your lost._

__Sincerely,_ _

__Sgt. Rupert W Friend_ _

Lee swallowed hard. He felt every inch of his body went cold. He never felt this cold before. It was the most horrible feeling he ever got during his years in Vietnam. He tried to deny the fact of that letter. He didn’t want to believe what that Marine sergeant told him. He didn’t believe that his little brother died. Just died like that. 

He didn’t cry. He just got very confused. He couldn’t process anything well in his brain. He wanted to cry so badly, but he couldn’t. It was even hard to take a breath. 

Then he just left that letter and moved to what Billy failed to send. That unsent letter looked very painful in his eyes. He opened it up, trying to read the letter, trying to be strong at the same time. Some photos slid down from the folded paper. They scattered on the hutch floor. He took it one by one while looking at them with most hurtful feeling he ever had. 

Two pictures were taken in Cam Ranh Bay last month. It was the amazing in country R&R Billy had told him before. There Billy was, smiling at the cwant tamera, dressed in only short pants, holding a kite he told to his big brother. Lee moved to other pictures, taken at the base where Billy lived. He never saw his little brother in his Marine fatigue and battle vest directly. It was so great and sad at the same time when everything came up too late like this. 

Lee continued reading the unsent letter, no matter how broken his feeling was. 

 

_Dear, L, my big bro 13/7/69_

__I’ve receive your letter, brother. I’m trying to send you back ASAP because I know it’s gonna be received late. I’m so happy to hear you alright. And, it’s a good news that you’re goddamned staff sergeant now. Maybe this letter will be shorter. I dunno what to tell you again, actually. Well, we’re gonna have another ambush patrol tomorrow. I wish I’ll be alright, because I feel so tired about this kinda shit. You know what? I never feel this sorta thing before. It feels like I just want a long peaceful sleep after this task. I wish everything will be over soon._ _   
_Hey, man, I wanna tell you that I can’t sleep well lately. I didn’t sleep at all for three days, a week ago, but it was weird that suddenly I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I had a weird dream. I dreamt about you. There was you, and me, we’re heading to the prairie, chasing fireflies together like we usually do in the summer nights when we were kids. Then I woke up, and got out of my bunker. I was so crazily surprised to see fireflies sparkled in synchronized movement. There were so many of them. No matter this is monsoon, they still came out. They are beautiful little creatures, you know. It’s weird when you see them in your dream and then they finally came into real life._   
_Oh, I send some pictures of me along with this letter. I just want to show you, how beautiful Cam Ranh Bay is, and hope someday you can go there. The other pictures maybe not so good, in case you wanna see me so proudly with my Marine vest, here you go._   
_Well, I hope you okay, L. Send me some of your pictures if you had chance to write me back. I’m gonna be glad to see you._

__PS: Jarhead likes to swear too, so I can’t handle myself. Just for your information, I’ve tried some good joints and didn’t get caught by my platoon leader. You can’t win this time just because you’re an old grunt._ _

__With much love,_ _

__Billy_ _

Lee smiled but also wanted to cry at the same time. His feeling collided into uncertainty. He could only hold the letter tight until it almost torn apart. Then he stopped. He put all of things in his hands into the cot next to him. He palmed his face frustratingly and felt burdened by million tons of pain.

“Hey, Lee, why don’t ya join the party?” Richard’s voice heard on the threshold. Lee didn’t answer. He kept silent in his place, trying so hard to be tough but desperately needed to cry at the same time. 

“Lee, are you alright?” Richard move closer. He found a small piece of photograph under a cot and took it. It was a picture of two little boys, looked similar to each other. He recognized one of them with thick eyebrows. 

Richard put his hand on Lee’s shoulder, “what happens?” he asked anxiously.

Lee didn’t look at Richard at all. He shook his head and covered his eyes with his palm.

The lieutenant looked at some letters on Lee’s cot. He tried to guess what actually happened. It must be a bad news about his little brother.

Before Richard could say anything, Lee grabbed his legs tightly and pushed his head on his thighs forcefully. He could only stayed still and slowly petted Lee’s hair when the sergeant started to sob. 

Lee sobbed with his hands gripping Richard’s legs. It made the lieutenant couldn’t move at all. He had really lost and couldn’t find another way to make him feel better. 

Very carefully, Richard tried to release Lee’s hand from his legs. He sat down next to the sergeant and pulled him close to his embrace. He let Lee rested on his chest, and the sad young man just sobbed like never before.

Richard hugged Lee tight but gentle in his arm. His hand was on his hair, trying to comfort him. He never saw Lee became so broken like this. Without Lee told him what happened actually, he already knew. Lee _lost_ his little brother. 

Lee curled his arms around Richard’s waist. He felt his tears finally came out and soaked in Richard’s fatigue. He was still broken no matter what, but Richard’s warmth made him feel better. Richard’s embrace could make him literally cry. He felt he didn’t want to release him forever. He wanted to be always on side.

Richard wiped some locks of Lee’s hair aside and _kissed_ his forehead softly, “I’m sorry to hear that, Lee, so sorry,” he whispered. 

Lee nodded in Richard’s chest. He closed his eyes for a while. He would not forget what he just found out, but Richard’s chest felt so reliable, soft but strong as well. Much better, his heartbeat sounded so calming. Lee kept listening to it and let his lover caressing his hair and kissing over his head. He was glad that it was Richard who came in, so he could have his embrace to cry. And he was happy that Richard always there for him.

“You can cry as much as you want. I’m here for you, _Love_ , not gonna leave you alone,” Richard said.

Lee was surprised to hear Richard called him _Love_. He released his arms from Richard’s waist and moved off of his chest. He sat straight back and wiped his tears away. 

“What’s wrong?” Richard asked innocently.

Lee shook his head, “nothing,” he answered awkwardly. 

Richard put the photograph he took on the letters, “sorry to hear about your little brother,” he said.

Lee smiled weakly, “thank you,” he took a deep breath before lit a cigarette, “he died as a soldier, not really bad.”

“Don’t pretend that you’re alright. You have shoulder to rely on,” Richard said.

“I don’t,” Lee sniffed, “I cried in your embrace, didn’t you see that?”

Richard nodded, “I know.”

Lee snorted, “I never cried that hard for a very longtime. I don’t believe I actually did. I weep over my own brother’s death. It’s truly hard, Rich,” he swallowed as he was going to cry again, “it’s hard to see someone younger than you died just like that. So hard if you knew he was born after you and you witnessed him grew up with you, where you have responsibility to take care of him. You always tried and well done with it, but finally, you failed. You failed to take care of him. You failed to make sure he’s safe.”

Richard crushed Lee’s other hand gently, “I’ve lost my dad. It’s a different story. But it’s hard as well. I have to replace his responsibility within my family. I don’t think I can do that, but you, you passed something harder than me, actually. You’ve been so strong so far, but when you finally failed, it’s not your fault. So, don’t blame yourself.”

Lee crushed back Richard’s hand, “I try not to,” he looked at his childhood photograph, and feeling worse again, “I just wonder my mom’s reaction to hear this. She must be really broken. It’s sad they had to do a funeral for Billy without me on their side, and so sad, I can’t bide my farewell for him. The worst thing you gotta know is that Billy died because he followed me into this hell.”

The lieutenant put his forefinger in Lee’s mouth very gently, “You only need some comforts now, and I don’t wanna hear you blame yourself again, understand?” 

The weeping sergeant pulled back, “it’s gonna be hard. He’s my brother, you know that.”

Richard sighed, “I know, but blaming over yourself ain’t gonna change everything. You’re gonna be weak and can’t get outta this hell someday,” he explained. 

Lee didn’t say anything and he just dropped his head on Richard’s shoulder. He had always been a tough soldier, but admitted that sometimes he needed someone’s shoulder to rely on. Especially, someone he trusted and loved so much. His platoon leader comforted him once again by caressing his hair and pulling him closer to his warm embrace.

“Richard,” Lee muttered.

The lieutenant hummed and kept running his long fingers in Lee's soft dark brown hair. 

“Did you see fireflies outside?”

“Yeah. There are a lot of them, flying like mini lanterns.”


	9. Fireflies in The Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here come real stars to fill the upper skies  
> And here on earth come emulating flies,  
> that though they never equal stars in size,  
> (And they were never really stars at heart)  
> Achieve at times a very star-like start,  
> Only of course, they can't sustain the part.  
> ~ Robert Frost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for my looooong hiatus, now i'm back ^^

The wind blew strong at the moment Lee stepped out of his bunker. It was a quiet night outside. Only cricket and vague voices of those who were still on the party heard around the trench. Lee finally saw the synchronized fireflies flew around the place. He went numb on the threshold for a moment. It was truly an astonishing view on a monsoon night. The longer he stared at those tiny creatures, the harder he trying not to remember things about them. He would recall Billy’s last letter and one of his men’s words about fireflies. They would appear when someone was going to die or coming up as a wandering soul of someone who had already died.

Something broke the silence when Lee started hearing someone singing and playing a guitar. The voice seemed very familiar singing the Irish ballad _Oh Danny Boy_. Lee moved closer to the voice and found his man sitting on the bunker roof. He could not resist smiling to find out it was Jack. For a moment he stood unnoticeably, enjoying the song Jack played. It hurt so much that he resembled Billy pretty much.

The young Irish man kept singing and playing his guitar until he realized someone watched him below. He smiled coyly and blushed.

“Keep playing,” Lee smiled.

Jack shook his head like a little child, “that’s fuckin terrible.”

Lee chuckled, “nah, it ain’t. why stopping?”

“I don’t remember exactly the rest of it,” Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Ah you lied to me,” Lee smirked, “you’re an Irish.”

“Alright, you mess things up, I tried to remember the whole lyrics, you know,” Jack giggled.

Lee smiled, “So, who’s Danny?”

Jack rolled his eyes, looking for the answer, “hm, he’s a son who goes to war, like many of us. That’s his parents or his beloved people who miss him and wait for him to come  
home,”Lee went numb for a moment he listened to Jack’s explanation. He smiled absentmindedly and climbed the wall to sit down next to his man.

“Are you alright, Sarge?” Jack tried to look at Lee’s eyes.

“Fine as old wine,” Lee lit a cigarette. He should not lie when everyone could see that he was not alright, but he just didn’t want to say anything about it.

Richard stood leaning at the threshold, looking at his lover with care and anxiety. He listened to the conversation they made up there. He sighed and took a cigarette out off his shirt. The first drag calmed his nerves down. He looked up at the chitchatting boys once again before left.

He saw Lee got better, or at least he hoped so. There should be things to distract Lee from his mourning, he thought, the more he broken down, the more he would be hard to get out of this place.

 

There were only few days left on July 1969. The rain still poured down hard at nights while the sun shining too bright at days, too bright until it burned those men’s skin even worse. They all stayed in FSB Jackson without significant attacks in these last few weeks. What they supposed to do was doing security patrols as often as possible. Every platoon would send three or four men for a patrol every few days.

This was Lee’s turn to go. Richard wasn’t really sure that the sergeant was alright. It was only few days after Lee told him about Billy’s death, but Lee insisted. He insisted because it was his duty.

“L.T,” Jack interrupted after the briefing.

Richard turned around, seeing the boy ran toward him.

“Can I just replace Sergeant Pace for this patrol?” Jack asked.

“What?” Richard winced, “it’s his turn, boy, you’re gonna get yours next time.”

“I know that,” Jack nodded, “but, he doesn’t look good today.”

“He always looks that way, maybe something bothers him, but he’s gonna be alright, Jack,” Richard agreed for this young man’s argument that the sergeant was broken down.

“No, sir, he ain’t,” Jack insisted, “he ain’t alright since that night.”

Richard sighed. _This boy had good sense_ , he thought, “why’d you think so?”

“I can feel it. He pretends to be alright, just like many of us, but I know, eyes can never lie, Lieutenant,” Jack stared deep into Richard’s eyes.

Richard blinked, feeling uncomfortable having those big gray eyes looked at him that way, “to be honest, you’re damn weird today, Jack. But you insisted the hell outta yourself, alright, see Pace, tell him you’re gonna handle it.”

A big creepy smile appeared in Jack’s face, “thank you, sir,” and then he left.

 

“Hell, no, Jack!” Lee snapped, “it’s my turn, the hell you’re gonna take this shit.”

“I wanna go patrolling today, Sarge, not tomorrow. You can replace me for the next time. You know you don’t look good these days,” Jack insisted.

“You act like you know it all, Lil' Lad,” Lee snorted.

Jack giggled, “yeah, I know everything.”

“The hell is wrong with you?” Lee asked seriously.

“Nothing,” Jack shrugged and rolled his eyes.

“Nothing? I guess something is ,” Lee said.

“I wanna see fireflies in the jungle again, like the last time we had patrol together,” Jack told.

“Well, you can find it here,” Lee felt something was clearly wrong here.

“Nah, sarge,” Jack shook his head, “I’m leaving now.”

“Be safe, Jack,” Lee finally gave up while looking at the guys preparing for patrol.

Jack nodded, he put his helmet on and left.

“Hey, you owe me something, remember?” Lee shouted out.

“What?” Jack turned around and asked.

“Finish the fuckin’ _Danny Boy_ song for me,” Lee smiled.

Jack burst in laugh, “alright, gotta remember the lyrics, see ya!”

Lee returned to his bunker only to realize Dean looking at him in the threshold, “what?” he asked.

Dean shrugged, “that boy backed you,” he said.

“Yeah, he’s weird, you know,” Lee took a sip of water from his canteen.

“He told me something this morning,” Dean dragged his cigarette deep, “said he dreamed about fireflies last night, that boy is silly, he’s too young to be here. I know so many guys like him come and go, some fine, some got wasted for years, but still, it ain’t the right place for kids like him.”

“Fireflies?” Lee thought hard, “oh hell, I know you’re right, but I was a guy like him too back then. You still remember that I was the baby in this platoon, dontcha?”

“You’re always the baby skeeter for the old grunts, Pacey,” Dean smirked.

Lee chuckled and pulled Dean’s head into his armpit, “the baby is now even bigger than you, old grunt!”

 

For the rest of the day, Lee spent his time on cigarettes and little amount of booze. He had a bad feeling about something. He didn’t talk too much, not even to Richard as he rarely seen him that day. It looked like people stayed away from him without reason or was just him who pulled himself out of the crowd. At night, he lied down on his cot, looking at the low ceiling of his bunker. Everyone fell asleep, but he still wide awake.

Jack left after dreaming about fireflies in the night before. Lee finally found what burdened him so bad that day. He remembered Billy. He recalled the letter Billy sent mentioned about fireflies in a dream, and his little brother died not so long after. Lee jumped off his bed. His heart beat too fast. He constantly went cold, all cold. 

 

Tony was one of the Third Platoon guys along with Jack who joined the patrol at the end of July. The security patrol was doing fine. All around FSB Jackson was quite safe for these last few weeks. But still, the men were needed to secure the base by doing this patrol. It took two to three days in the jungle before they returned to the base.

It was already dark, when the patrol decided to take rest. The rain started pouring and things went unseen. The raining night in Vietnamese jungle was always frightening. It wasn’t Tony’s first experience for such thing, but this time, he felt more terrorized than usual. It felt like this jungle was ready to swallow them or unleashing it’s beasts to eat the soldiers alive.

Yet the rain stopped immediately. Fireflies unusually appeared right after the rain. They flew in synchronizing movements. It looked like a right reward for the men after being exhausted all day long. The fireflies flew closely to the men, like they had no fear for the unwanted guests coming to their home.

“They’re beautiful,” Jack praised childishly.

Tony smiled while putting back his glasses on after clearing the lenses from water, “well, you get what you wanted, fireflies boy.”

“My dream comes true, Tony,” Jack said.

Tony winced, “really?”

Jack smiled, “yeah, I dreamed seeing fireflies in the back of my house, I saw my momma too, and she’s calling me home.”

Tony tried to look at Jack in the middle of darkness. He opened his mouth to say something when someone called him. So, he just left without saying anything in response.  
When Tony returned to his place, Jack was no longer there.

“Hey, man, you see Jack?” Tony asked every man who sat around them before. But Jack was nowhere. Soon, the situation turned. Everyone concerned about where Jack was. It looked like he was swallowed by something in the middle of darkness.

The search began. It had already been hours and Jack seemed nowhere to be found. He disappeared into the night. Tony started to think he was no longer safe. He had gone for hours and if he lost, he would have been caught by The Gooks. But they kept searching even though Jack didn’t leave any significant clues. It was raining again and the water erased the tracks on the muddy soil below.

The dawn had come. The jungle started to seem clearer and their sight got better. But soon, the air was covered by morning fogs and it hardened them to see the route or tracking the signs Jack probably made.

Tony was worried more than anyone else in this group. He was the last person talking to Jack before he disappeared into nothingness. So he kept looking down at the muddy soil until he found some tracks of a pair of boots. He kept following it until he realized it wasn’t only the tracks of a pair of boots, there were many different foot prints—in sandals of course.

His boots stumbled a little bit at the sudden red puddle and he went numb. Other men who followed him did the same thing. They were all stunned in their place, looking at the horror in the very early of day.  
“Look what we’ve got here,” the patrol leader mumbled.

“A goddamned gook’s _butchery_ ,” Tony couldn’t blink his eyes for some moments, until he believed that this was real.

Jack was hanged by his legs. Throat sliced open, his blood running down his face, he went all pale, with a pond full of blood under his head, exactly looked like a cow in butchery.

By the foot prints on the mud, it can be said that this was done by VC guerillas. Those VCs butchered him probably two hours ago and they disappeared so fast into the jungle they knew better than anyone else.

Patrol leader started calling the base. Things were arranged as quickly as possible. Tony held Jack’s body while other man climbed the tree to cut the rope off. Then they put the dead boy in the body bag, they would checking thoroughly later in the base. Some of the patrol members were commanded to track those VC while the others got task to take Jack back to the base. 

 

It was already midday when Tony and some other men arrived at the FSB Jackson. People crowded at the view of patrol members taking a dead body with them.

Richard was shirtless and covered in sweat when he moved through the crowds and approaching the body inside the bag. He looked at Tony who went pale and emotionless.

The lieutenant dragged the zipper down and opened the bag up. Jack, the boy who insisted to go patrol two days ago was dead. Richard touched Jack’s chin and lifted it up a bit.He could clearly see how big and deep that slice wound was, making him believed that they slit his throat with a machete. It almost chopped his neck off his body. He didn’t say anything yet, just checking the body all the way down until he found something more terrible than the tore open throat.

“Genital mutilation, son of a bitch, they really beat him right in the fuckin ass” Richard mumbled, showing the men what he found. He revealed the brutally chopped off genital area and the crowd turned into silence.

“And,” He added, opened Jack’s dried blood covered mouth with his finger, “they cut his fuckin tongue too.”

Lee appeared, shirtless and barefoot, and went dumbfounded into the view in front of him. The boy who replaced him was on the body bag, bathing in his own blood, throat sliced open, without tongue and genitally mutilated.

Everyone felt really bad. They’ve seen blood and death in combat. But it was all better than seeing someone died this way, unexplainably, this was terrible in different way. They all imagined how this boy family wondered the way he died, should anyone telling the lie or the truth? Those men knew, no parents would be alright after being told that their child was dead, not in a brave fight, but after kidnapped and tortured like that.

“It was VC,” Tony said, “I saw their sandals prints on the mud.”

Richard nodded, “what happened?” he asked.

“Jack disappeared last night after talking to me about the fireflies. Someone called me, and I left him. I returned to my place, and he was gone. We searched for him all night long, and at dawn, we found him hanged by his legs. Head down, throat messed up, blood was everywhere. They butchered him,” Tony explained, as best as he could even though he was hit hard by the death of one of his good friends in the unit.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Richard cursed.

Lee kneeled down next to Jack’s body. He stared down at that blood covered face. The boy’s eyes were still opened, his pupil blown lifelessly, so Lee tried to close them down. He also tried to pull the jaw up back again, but Jack's mouth remained open. Jack was probably in his rigor mortis phase, leaving his eyes opened, staring emptily at his sergeant. Lee pulled the kerchief out of his own trousers pocket and covered the miserable throat. He checked every pocket in Jack’s uniform, taking some stuffs out and put them on the ground. He touched the Irish boy’s cold and stiffened, full of bruises hand, looking into his eyes again where he could see the fear and redemption at the same time inside. Then he pulled one of the dog tags off.

The sergeant pulled the zipper up. He looked at Richard before moved up and just left after handed him the dog tag.

Richard rose up, “clean this mess up, tell the official to send telegrams for the family.”

Lee was sitting on the sandbags in front of the bunker when Richard found him. He saw the lieutenant, trying so hard to keep calm but he couldn’t. Richard looked at his bloody hands and he just stared emptily.

For Lee, Jack’s death was devastating. The boy wasn’t supposed to be there. It should be him on the first place. After Billy’s death, his only hope was that Jack didn’t have to die like his brother. He hoped that Jack would go home, something that Billy could not. Lee felt he was badly betrayed by reality. Now he was drowned in big guilty feeling to let the boy leave. He hated himself why he didn’t stop him.

Jack knew Lee was broken down, so he needed to be replaced. Jack saved his life, in the way he couldn’t really accept. The boy kept talking about fireflies, and just like Billy, he died not so long after.

Lee felt he was dead inside. His face went all red in anger and pain. He was broken, mad, guilty, and frustrated at the same time. It was too much until he almost lost control, but he kept it all for himself and made him more devastated.

Richard walked toward Lee and hugged him tight. There was no word said. They were both covered by big guilt. So, it was too hard to talk.

Lee stopped the hug immediately and washed his hands. He got to be strong like he ever was. This was too tragic, and he had to stand up for himself. He had been here for almost four years, so he had to handle this easily.

“I’ll keep his stuffs,” Lee said.

Richard nodded, “sure,” he muttered.

Lee could no longer feel mostly anything inside. He thought it was too shocking and that he went all cold.

“I’m sorry,” Richard said, “I shouldn’t let him go.”

“It ain’t your fault,” Lee sighed, “It’s on me.”

“No, don’t start again,” Richard butted when he heard Lee started blaming himself.

“It was _my fucking fault!_ ” Lee snapped violently

Richard shuddered a little bit.

“Maybe you can just leave me alone, Rich. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Lee corrected.

Richard nodded, “I know you need more times of your own. It’s alright, I get it. I’ll be there when you need me,” he stroked the side of Lee’s face to calm him down.

Lee closed his eyes for a little bit. His lashes fluttered in his cheek, a little bit damped by the restrained tears in his eyes, “thank you, I’ll be alright,” he whispered before letting Richard left.

 

Lee decided to take a walk that night after dinner. Everything seemed alright around the base. The patrol members who had task to track Jack’s murderers already returned to the base. They found nothing out there. Whoever who did that knew the jungle better than them. Everyone seemed normal too. They no longer talked about the dead boy anymore. It was useless though. The boy was dead and no one can do anything here. He was killed by enemy, just like other guys. Although he died differently from the others, he was just the same dead guys like they who got wasted in the Nam. He would return in flag covered coffin and deserved proper burial back to his home.

Lee stopped when he heard someone playing a guitar and singing some lines that reminded him to Jack. Yes, he heard someone singing Danny Boy from a bunker roof. He smirked when he realized it was Dean.

_But when ye come, and all the flowers are dying,_  
_If I am dead, as dead I well may be,_  
_You’ll come and find the place where I am lying,_  
_Kneel and say an ave there for me, ___

Dean stopped for a while when he realized Lee was sitting next to him, “well, it’s you.”

“What are you doing?” Lee asked.

Dean nodded, “Singing _Danny Boy_ , what else?” he snorted.

Lee smiled, “he owed me this song,” he said.

“That’s why. I’ll finish this song for you, he ain’t gonna get back here and sing for you, right?” Dean took the cigarette from Lee’s hand, taking one deep drag and gave it back to his friend.

Lee took one drag and hummed, “he is already in Cu Chi right now, maybe gonna fly back home tomorrow, he’s gonna home soon,” he started feeling better when he could say it easily. He still mourned Jack’s death, and he will hardly forgive himself for what happened, but on the other side, he learned that letting go is undoubted option for every loss. The more he let it go, the better he would be.

“So, the Danny Boy hears the calling, he’s coming back, you know this is summer back to the mainland. Shit, I don’t know if I should hate this song or not, this is fuckin pretty song, but as an Irish, I hate when it happens to this O’Connell kid,” Dean babbled.

The tall sergeant chuckled, “fuck your opinion, this song is catchy, keep playing, you ain’t finish it yet, Irishman.”

“Wait, look at that,” he pointed at the darkness around the bunker.

“Fireflies,” Lee mumbled, “it’s Jack saying good bye to us.”

“Don’t say that fuckin drama thing, you just make me gonna cry and I will hate you for the rest of my life,” Dean looked up at the tiny living lanterns flying around them.

Lee snorted “I can’t believe I lost two boys very quickly. Billy’s gone and now this kid. I’m not naïve, I know this is how war works. We’re all fucked up in so many different ways.”  
“What we can do now are keep going and waiting,” Dean said, “I don’t know which one is the better option, either getting wasted here and just stopped everything, or survive the war, back home and lived with nightmare and guilt for the rest of our life. I prefer die here, if God wants me to. But hell, not by getting my dick chopped off like that boy got either.”

“I know, we can’t deny memories, and it will torture us forever. I don’t know which option is better, really,” Lee shrugged, “even if I wanna get wasted so bad, there are people out there who wait me to go home alive. Yeah, my family don't wanna see someone died again, but, I still don't know.”

Dean smiled, he tried to remember the last chords he play to adjust the next line of the song. Then he started picking the strings before singing the lyrics.

_And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me,_  
_And all my grave will warmer, sweeter be,_  
_For you will bend and tell me that you love me,_  
_And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me._


	10. The Broken Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when losing becomes usual, it feels more painful than it should be....

Jack died few days ago. The Third Platoon mourned for him of course, but it was probably not for long enough. First, they all knew that this was no place for mourning. Second, life must go on. And, the last, they were all into a combat mission for rescuing The 5th Special Forces and an element ARVN (South Vietnamese Army) in Bo Bo Canal, a watery area still located in Tay Ninh Province. To be honest, that was a strange place for all either Charlie or Delta Company. Nobody knew what kind of place it was, what they knew was, the flight took a goddamned long time. 

Nobody talked during the flight. Some men smoked, some others just literally did nothing. After only some ambush patrols for a longtime in Jackson, here came the moment they returned to the real battle again. At the peak of Vietnamese monsoon, this was not good at all. The sun exposure was at its worst, leaving the men sweat bathing on their own fatigues. 

Getting closer to the LZ, the men could see clearly the terrain of a wetland below. There were canal and bomb craters making the terrain didn’t look too plain and flat. It was a definitely hot LZ down there, so they locked and loaded, preparing for the jump. The Cobra gunship helicopter s maneuvered low to cover the soldiers when they started getting on the ground. 

No doubt, hot LZ was totally like its name. Few seconds after the men landed their boots on the ground, the gunfire started. They ran into the canal, dipping themselves into the water, the further they moved, the deeper they went. This could be useful to hide from the bullets because the NVA fired straight forward to everything moved on the ground.

The elephant grass grew up to eight feet, covering most of the terrain as The Third Platoon moved further into the density of those tall green. Tony reached shallower area to checking traffic in the radiotelephone. The other men stayed ready as the gunfire started stopping. 

“Net, this is NCS radio check, over,” Tony started. 

They waited for the station to answer. It took few minutes until they received the message that their mission was no longer rescuing or assisting the 5th Special Forces or ARVN, the men of Charlie and Delta would focusing on finding their bodies. 

Richard stayed still, holding the phone on his ear, cigarettes slipped in between his lips, getting burnt wastefully. He focused on the station message about the changing mission objective. Later he would tell his men, that Delta Company found the remaining officers of 5th Special Forces, a general and a sergeant. They told that the enemy had retreated, and the immediate help needed was finding the men’s bodies, either the wounded or the dead. 

“Oh, Jesus, we’re getting here too early,” Orly complained and snorted.

“Hell yeah,” Richard responded.

“The fuck they get us first in this shitty place, this is Delta mission,” Dean laughed. 

“Blame the choppers, they got us first,” Lee added. 

“Okay, boys,” Richard smiled, “go back to your squads and let’s working on it!” he loaded his rifle. 

 

The depth seemed different from one point to another. At some points it didn’t even reach their ankle, and in other times, they almost should swimming on it. Thanks to the elephant grass, they made things getting harder to do. But the men found several dead bodies, belonged to the 5th SF, ARVN and even NVA. For sure, this mission was even more difficult than fighting the enemy. They had to rescue the bodies from the spot they were found before. 

Lee found some men were still alive when he moving through the grass. They were wounded badly, and when he tried to rescue them from the place, some of them just died. Yes, this always happened at such situation. They probably had waiting for the help for so long until they lost their blood. So, when the rescuers arrived, they could no longer hold on.   
Some of them already died from the severe wounds and extreme blood loss. Lee couldn’t agree more about this. He witnessed how the water turned red around the bodies. The sun exposure mixed with the high level of humidity made the smell more terrible than he could imagine. He had no idea when the fight precisely happened, but the flies were already buzzing around the bodies. 

“What’s that?” Richard suddenly appeared from behind.

Lee pushed the grass in front of him away, “a slaughtering pool,” he said.

“Christ,” Richard muttered, seeing three dead bodies with their intestines scattered around, the work that could be done by grenades and mortars. 

“This one is the worst, so far,” Lee shook his head, “how the hell we’re gonna pack ‘em up?”

“Using our hands of course,” Richard nodded.

Lee smirked, looking at the lieutenant’s eyes, “I’m sorry Richard.”

Richard winced, “it’s alright. You look better now, even with this pukes around,” he said

“Yeah,” Lee blushed, “so, what are we gonna do with this now?”

 

“Hey Tony, where the fuck you think you’re going?” Richard halted as Tony moved away from him.

The tall skinny young man returned to the lieutenant’s side, “I have something to tell you, sir,” he said.

“What’s that?” Richard asked while inspecting over the elephant grass.

“About the shit in that hamlet,” Tony answered doubtfully.

“Damn, it’s not the right time to talk about that shit,” Richard raised his voice and his radioman shuddered in fear.

“Hell, I mean,” Richard corrected himself, “I don’t even think about it anymore, Tony. Why’d you remind me of it?”

“Why don’t you wanna remember it, Sir?” Tony asked back, “I thought we’re gonna fight for it. It’s been awhile, and I didn’t expect everyone to lose it up just like this.”

Richard suddenly recalled everything that happened in the early 1969. He felt it hit him right in his head. It hurt so bad and so awful he could forget that thing was just undone. 

“I’m sorry,” Richard said regretfully, “I really need to talk to you, maybe when we’re done.”

Tony nodded, “because I wanna tell you that someone took the pictures during that massacre. Someone that’s gonna be the key for this goddamned shit that fuckin Miller had made.”

“What? Who?” Richard turned in surprise. 

_“Incoming!”_

Tony almost answered when they heard the gunfire started, and bullets flew around them. Richard tried to give him a covering fire while they both retreated from the line. The NVA were still there, hiding in between the tall grass, waiting for them to be vulnerable. 

Several men from the Delta Company got hit by the sudden ambush. The situation turned into mess. The craters, the water and the grass were a total weakness. They would never knew where those bullets running from. The enemy started launching mortars and grenades to push the rescuers team back. 

“Stay close to me,” Richard told Tony after finish a radiotelephone communication with the company sub. 

Richard led the way out and Tony followed him. Under flying bullets and mortars, it would never been easy. The medics started getting overwhelmed by the number of the men wounded. It was a total chaos. Every single step out of that muddy water was worth a life. But their boots sank deeper into the mud, so it was just luck that separated them between live or dead. 

Richard could see the water below his waist was brick red colored. It was mud mixed with blood. He was unaware when Tony’s radiotelephone was hit by machine guns bullet. 

“Oh, no, not my radio!” the radiotelephone operator turned panic as he took the box off his back. He found three big holes on the body and now it couldn’t be operated anymore.

“Jesus, we have to keep moving!” Richard shouted in the middle of gunfire ringing. 

“My radio!” Tony shouted back. He lost control in the wrong situation.

“It’s alright, we’re gonna get the new one for you,” Richard said, tried to calm his assistant down.

Tony turned really confused and blank. Richard pulled his wrist, but he just stood where he was.

“Are you fucking nuts? You’re gonna get wasted here, dumbass!” Richard really wanted hit the boy in the head like he usually did. 

“Go, Lieutenant,” Tony mumbled. His eyes stared blankly into nowhere. 

Richard kept pulling Tony’s hand, but the radioman pushed him away until his boots slipped on the mud and he fell into the murky water. He really wanted to hit the boy right in his face. So he tried to get up but when he was on his knees he heard an explosion. It was too damn loud until he went senseless for a moment. He fell back into the water and couldn’t hear anything around. His sight turned blur and the only thing he could sense was rain. Yes, he felt water pouring down from the sky. He closed his eyes. The water felt so warm in his face. His eyes snapped open when a half of his hearing returned.

He realized it wasn’t rain. It was blood running down his face. So he stood up and turned around only to found Tony was down, bathing in his own blood. For seconds, he went totally numb until his consciousness back.

“Medic!” Richard constantly yelled out.

He lifted Tony’s body, prevented him from drowning. The radioman was still alive, but having a big hole in his stomach made him hard to breathe. 

“Hold on, Tony, hold on, boy,” Richard pulled Tony’s head close to his chest.

The radio operator was shaking badly. He looked up at his lieutenant’s face and moved to his abdomen where he could see his own guts exposed. So he grunted, his trembling hands snapped wildly as he got panic.

“Don’t panic, no! You’re gonna be alright, boy,” Richard calmed down as he reached his fatigue pocket for a pack of morphine.

“Medic!” Richard shouted while injected the morphine into Tony’s back to ease him from the panic attack. 

 

The medivac helicopters were too full already. So, the gunship helicopter took Tony back. Aidan, the medic, told Richard before they jumped in to the chopper that Tony wouldn’t make it. Richard stayed closed to his radio operator as they flew back to the base. 

Tony got calm after the morphine and Doc Turner wrapped his wounds up. He stared up at the chopper’s ceiling.

“Where’s my glasses?” he asked.

Everyone in the chopper looked at each other, trying to get the answer.

“I think someone keep it, we’ll give it to you later, don’t worry,” Orly said. 

“Am I gonna be alright?” Tony asked again. 

“Yeah, you’re gonna be,” Richard held his hand. It was getting cold. 

“I wanna go home,” Tony started sobbing.

“Of course,” Orly looked at Richard.

“Lieutenant, I’m sorry,” Tony’s eyes looked for Richard’s presence. It seemed true that he couldn’t see clearly without his glasses.

“No, don’t say that, Tony,” Richard felt the grip got tighter.

Tony looked so confused. He tried to say something, remembered the name of someone who had the picture, but he couldn’t. He pushed himself so hard until he lost his breaths.   
“Fight for it,” Tony whispered in Richard’s ear when the lieutenant moved close to him, “you gotta find him.”

Richard could hear the last sigh coming out from Tony’s throat, “Tony,” he called.

Aidan looked at the lieutenant. He checked Tony’s heartbeat and shook his head.

“Ah, Jesus!” Orly pulled his helmet off and hit it down to his own thigh. 

Richard sighed and leaned back to the chopper wall. He stared at Tony’s pale face. He couldn’t believe the boy who used to annoy him with his clumsy ridiculousness died to save his life. He wanted to cry so badly but he couldn’t. He was just staring at his men coldly before pulling off one of Tony’s dogtags and kept it in his pocket. 

“Got to find his glasses, so he can see clearly,” Richard looked down to one of his most loyal men during his four years experience as leader, “I don’t wanna see him stumbling like stupid shit again.”

 

Lee arrived at FSB Jackson earlier than Richard. He saw the lieutenant jump down the chopper and approached him. He could see how unpleasant Richard looked like. When he looked at the stretcher taken down from the chopper, he knew the answer. 

“He didn’t make it,” Richard said.

“God,” Lee muttered as he saw the stretcher was put on the sandbags. 

“He saved my life,” Richard added before he left.

Lee stopped for a moment, looking at the dead body and then he helped Orly prepared the body bag. They were not alone, and Tony was not the only one there. It was crowded around the base landing zone. People were busy taking care of the dead bodies. 

“It’s just three days, Pace,” Orly said.

Lee nodded after taking all the stuffs remained in Tony’s fatigues pocket, “I fucking hate this situation.”

“He said something before he died,” Orly opened up the body bag.

“What is that?” Lee asked and lit a cigarette.

“He wanted his glasses back,” Orly almost snorted, but he stopped, “well, it didn’t matter, he told Dick to fight and to find someone. I have no idea, but it related to the hamlet massacre.”

“Jesus, he was still up to it?” Lee looked at the radioman’s pale lifeless face. 

“Damn, he talked about it all the time,” Orly lifted the head while Lee taking care of his lower body and put it on the bag. 

“It's a fucking shame, nobody really think about it anymore, nobody but him,” Lee pulled the zipper up. 

 

Richard moved through the tall elephant grass. The water below felt so warm by the sun exposure in the middle of the day. He felt like he lost after he didn’t hear any gunfire anymore. This was no longer watery craters, this started feel like the grassed creek not far from his house. He could notice the smell turned up like his hometown in the summer. The water sparkled as he kept walking. He had never been so peaceful like this during his years in Vietnam.  
He could peek through the distance among the grasses. The wind blew softly, playing a sheer sound of grass crossing one to another. He walked and the water got shallower. He kept moving until he reached the solid dry ground. The gunfire sound was supposed to be heard around here, but he couldn’t hear anything, except the blowing wind and the rippling water. 

The lieutenant was lost in the middle of nothingness. He heard someone passed behind him. So he turned around and chased the silhouette down. He ran faster than he wanted to as everything became so lighter and vague. Then he heard someone calling his name.

_“Lieutenant,”_

Richard spun around. He heard chattering voices over radiotelephone and disclosed every corner of the grass near him. The voices slowly faded away as he walked off uncertainly. Until he saw a tall figure of someone wearing olive fatigues behind a thick rows of grasses. 

The man turned around after Richard moved through the grass and it left the lieutenant dumbfounded.

“You see my glasses, Sir?” Tony smiled, he looked clumsy like usual. Yet, he seemed very different without his glasses, Richard never seen him like this because he once couldn’t be separated from his glasses.

Richard didn’t answer. His eyes turned red in pain and he shed a tear.

“Why did you do that?” he asked back. 

Tony smiled big, his slanted eyes shut tight and his cheeks blushed. Richard never seen him this sincerely happy like this before. 

“Sir, you know the answer, you just don’t wanna stuck on it when you found out,” Tony said.

Richard unusually couldn’t control himself, so he cried, “I’m not gonna forgive myself for this.”

Tony stared at his lieutenant, “I’m sorry, I was just doing my job. You’re a good leader, Lieutenant, you deserve better than this.”

“I never think I am, but, thank you for saving my life,” Richard whispered.

Tony smiled again. He turned around and headed toward the sudden blinding lights. In the blink of an eye, he disappeared. Richard felt something burdened his heart and soon he realized that he was falling into nowhere.

 

Lee sat on the cot next to Richard, seeing how uneasy he was in his sleep. He saw his eyes getting wet, so he woke him up.

“Richard, are you alright?” Lee shook Richard’s arm a little bit.

That blue eyes snapped open in sudden. Richard got up and sitting on the edge of his own cot, feeling how painful his head was. He gazed around and no one was there except Lee.

“Tony,” he murmured.

“Rich,” Lee took his hand and held it tight, “he’s on the way to Cu Chi now.”

“The glasses,” Richard shook his head, “he’s gonna be fucked up without his glasses.”

Lee tried to look at Richard right in his eyes. He knew that even he was the loveliest person in Richard’s heart, Tony was the one Richard always stuck with in every mission. He was his radioman, he would follow anywhere Richard went to. So, no doubt that Richard knew well how Tony wouldn’t be alright without his glasses. He always had to hit him in the head too, to make him clearly understand what to do. But, Richard didn’t do that in Bo Bo Canal, so probably Tony made some mistakes there.

“You know how stupid that boy is, don’t you?” Richard asked bitterly. 

Lee nodded and smiled, “yeah.”

“I don’t wanna tell you this, but,” Richard sighed, his eyes turned very red.

“It’s alright, you can keep going,” Lee never seen Richard this broken before, even looking at his eyes was painful.

“That boy had followed me for almost two years, Lee. I’ve had other radiomen before, but never been so retarded like him. He damn followed me like a little puppy. He always did. So many missions, and he stayed by my side, sticking like glue,” Richard chuckled.

Richard stopped for a drag of cigarette, “who’s this boy, coming from Hawaii, his mother was a Jap, his father was a Swede. He looked more like a Jap, a very tall Jap with sharp nose. Ah, Jesus, did you remember how mad he was when someone broke his glasses? I think he would fight to death for it, or his radio. Yeah, he was always crazy about his radio. I still remembered when I replaced his old radio with the new PRC. Oh man, I have three lil brothers at home. But Tony, he told me he never knew his father, so he said he found me. He found me as a father, yeah I ain’t gonna forget that day he told me so.”

Lee looked carefully at Richard who turned fragile so badly, “Richard,” he touched his arm.

“I don’t believe I dreamt about him, and realize how much I missed him already now. I don’t fuckin’ believe he died just like that. He didn’t even have to,” Richard shed more tears, crying in silence.

The sergeant constantly pulled him into his embrace. He hugged him close, letting him cried in his chest, soothed him like he did when he lost his brother back then, “it’s alright, Rich.”

Richard let Lee brought him to his embrace. He felt so empty and guilty but peaceful at the same time. He could feel Lee’s fingers tracing across his hair. His heartbeat was so close to his ear, drumming in calming motions. He smelled like sweat, dirt and river, but he wouldn’t mind. Lee was here when he needed shoulder to rely on. Though he could be really jerk sometimes, but he couldn’t stop love him. After so many years he kept every burden by himself, now he found someone to share it. It wasn’t good time to have lover at all, but he couldn’t choose, he found him here. 

“This is what happens in the end, Rich. People had and will die,” Lee said.

“Is this a countdown?” Richard asked.

Lee sighed, “I don’t know. People had gone since the very first time we got here. So this is, probably, always a countdown, after these years.”

“You’re right,” Richard let off the embrace, “ah, the hell I’m so messed up this way.”

“Come on, Rich, you can’t lie in front of me,” Lee smiled.

“I know,” Richard wiped the tears from his face. 

“You can cry as much as you want,” Lee touched the side of Richard’s face, “you know I’m not gonna leave you.”

Richard melted into that touch. He smiled and moved closer to Lee’s face, so close until their noses touching each other’s tip.

Lee took a deep breath. Richard’s hand was on his waist. He felt awkward to go on but also driven by the urge to kiss him already. He moved closer until their foreheads met. His finger traced down Richard’s jawline and ended up in his tiny lips. It was slightly open and he put the tip of his forefinger in it. Richard bit it softly and he shivered by the sudden electrical sensation throughout his body. 

Richard hardened his grip in Lee’s waist. He saw how irresistible his lips was. He couldn’t wait to kiss him deep. It would be very weird, but it didn’t matter. He loved this man so much, more than he could handle. He felt guilty at the other hands because Tony died and he looked for solace for himself. But he was just a man, born with heart and feeling, so he sought comfort to others who willingly accepted him.

They could feel each other breaths when Richard moved an inch closer to Lee’s lips. Lee opened up a little bit, he closed his eyes, waiting for that moment to come. When suddenly they heard a thud outside the bunker threshold, they realized someone had watching them. Lee got up constantly and looked up outside. It was dark, but he saw someone ran away from the bunker, he could saw his boot when he tried to jump out. 

“Someone saw us,” Richard said. He looked up at the lamp on the bunker ceiling and knew that the man had seen them as clear as dawn. 

“Yeah,” Lee nodded nervously, “I hope he’s drunk or something.”

 

July came to its end. Richard had his morning walk, checking his men and chitchatting for a moment with them. Tony died two days ago, so did Jack few days before, and the men from Delta Company and 5th Special Forces. He knew how all these things worked. Death was always painful, but he lived long enough to witness all of them, and what he knew was to let it all go. 

Richard recalled Tony’s last moment and his strange dream that the radioman wanted his glasses back. He realized he lied to Tony. He promised to get the glasses back, but until the dead bodies taken to Cu Chi, he never did it. 

Aidan suddenly stood next to the lieutenant, “Sir,” he called.

Richard turned his head. He saw the medic handed him a pair of familiar-looking big eyeglasses in copper colored metal frame.

“I found it last night, someone saw and gave this to me when the crews cleaned up blood from the chopper,” Aidan said.

“We can’t put it on him now,” Richard smirked. He sounded naïve this way, but he knew Aidan would be the same too. 

“Will he really stumble without it, Sir?” Aidan snorted and stared at the broken lenses.

“I don’t know,” Richard shrugged, “I’m afraid so, but hell, Doc, he can even walk with his eyes closed, I guess,” he chuckled and tried not to look drowned into the pain of losing. 

“He did his job well, didn’t he?” Aidan gazed through the morning sky. He felt a little bit sad nostalgic, remembering that Tony was always with him since the first them they got here.

“Yeah, he did. He’s the best radioman I’ve ever worked with,” Richard nodded, “can I keep this, Doc?”

“Sure,” Aidan smiled, “he’s gonna be glad, if he knows this. You’re the one he _always believed in_ , Lieutenant,” he looked at Richard in the eyes. There was a hint of sadness his lieutenant could see in his dark eyes. Then he just walked away.

Richard looked through the glass. He directed it at the sky and he could clearly see the crack in the lenses. It was also covered in a small spot of dirt and dried bloodstain that he could never clear off.


	11. The August Sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the land of misery, flowers still have their place to bloom...

The mid of August 1969

Monsoon came to its peak at the end of July but the night rains kept falling for at least every three days. Daytimes still felt burning as well. There was no big difference, just like in every day life in The Nam. Third Platoon lost two members within the last four weeks. Richard was told by the HQ that there would be some replacements soon. New replacement guys meant new tasks. 

The platoon occupied three bunkers, and one of them got a little damage after the last night heavy rain making some sandbags a big mess. But guys kept chilling out. Some did their jobs with the sandbags, some others playing cards, toasting with beers and cigarettes, throwing a little stupid party with rock ‘n roll played through their radios. 

Lee came out of his bunker, head all wet, hair got wild as he forgot to cut it all after few months. He poured some amount of water to prevent too much heat of the daytime. He saw Richard sitting on a sand wall, smoking cigarette and bare-chested as usual. Then he suddenly remembered something that bothered him since that night someone caught them almost kissing.

Richard glanced at the awkward Lee. He threw a little smile while looking at the wet jungle fatigue draping the sergeant body. Vietnam midday wasn’t a good time to flirt, but he insisted and blinked at that special squad leader. The tall guy blushed, looked down and started unbuttoning his fatigue. The lieutenant taping his forefinger on his own nose as Lee walked toward him. 

“Hei, L.T,” Lee gazed around at first before pinning his eyes at Richard who eventually blushed.

“What are you doing, Sarge?” Richard snorted.

“Taking my shirt off, as you can see,” Lee smiled and took off his fatigue, exposing his bare flat chest, slim fit stomach, broad shoulders, and firm naturally well toned arms. 

“Don’t tease me,” Richard muttered.

“I don’t,” Lee clarified, “maybe that’s just your flirty mind,” he giggled. 

Richard hummed and stared at Lee’s sun-burnt face.

“In fact you tease me all day, almost everyday,” Lee lit a cigarette.

“Hm, we start talking about flirting now,” Richard nodded.

“We gotta be more careful now,” Lee said, “I remembered that night someone caught us.”

“Yeah,” Richard agreed, “I’ve been thinking ‘bout that too since then, but I still didn’t hear any kinda shitty talks about that. So maybe that someone never told people what he had seen.”

“Don’t you think we’re gonna be in trouble if that shit spread out?” Lee asked anxiously, “hell, we never talk bout this before.”

“From what I’ve heard, hell, fuckin-a. They don’t tolerate this thing, you know, _homosexuality_ in military. We could be court-martialed, and get our ass kicked outta here. That ain’t real bad, right?” Richard sighed before continued, “but we sure gonna go to Long Binh too.”

“We can go to jail together,” Lee snorted as Richard looking at him weirdly, “oh, come on, Rich. Just kidding. I’m not naïve enough, we are crazy tho, but not retard.”

Richard laughed. His eyes pinned to the freckles decorating Lee’s shoulders and chest, “I thought we’re all but normal.”

They were soon distracted by the sounds of helicopter landing on the base LZ. 

“Hey, look,” Richard pointed at his platoon sergeant Brody taking two strange guys to a bunker.

“Lieutenant,” Adrien said as Richard and Lee stood around the new guys.

“New meat?” Richard asked.

“Yeah,” Adrien nodded, “Kids, this is Lieutenant Armitage, your platoon leader. And this is Staff Sergeant Pace.”

“It’s been like a hundred years, and you’re still doing that shit, Brody,” Richard chuckled.

“Well, that’s just me,” Adrien laughed, “yeah, you can introduce yourself or whatsoever to the old grunts right there later, boys,” he said to the replacements.

They were two young men. One was tall and the other one seemed short compared to his buddy. Both of them seemed very shy and awkward, typically new guys in the unit.

“Name?” Richard asked, examining their baby faces.

“Gerald Clifford, Sir,” the tall one answered. He was taking a radiotelephone with him.

“New radioman?” Richard looked at the platoon sergeant.

“Yeah, as you wish, right?” Adrien shrugged.

“Damn, fucking battalion knows me better this time,” Richard chuckled, shifting his eyes to the shorter one, “and you, little ass?”

“Murphy MacManus, Sir,” the boy stuttered.

“Jesus, _another_ Irish?” Lee complained. He didn’t really count how many Irish he met during his years in Vietnam, but he was sure, there were many of them. 

The boy nodded, his helmet almost fell down when he did.

“Oh come on, Skeeter, you can’t pick these boys like oranges, right? Stop complaining, here’s the new rifleman for your goddamned squad,” Adrien said. He looked more than tired every time the grunts had complains, and they complained to him. 

“Alright then, we take these puppies to the grunts, we’re gonna baptize them,” Richard nodded, “welcome to the Nam, boys, somewhere hotter than hell, maybe,” he chuckled like crazy, leaving the boys looking each other confusedly. 

 

Soon, Richard took the two new kids to the grunts. By the time he did, some guys had finished their job. He didn’t intend to be mean to the new members of his platoon, neither tried to make himself looked like a bully. He just wanted to teach these boys that there was a kind of process here, a process of social interaction. If they are taught to be asshole at the first place, they would be asshole for the rest of their tour of duty. In this case, Richard thought this was the answer how that annoying Dillon, his archenemy in the battalion from other platoon taught his guys. So, he didn’t want it happen to his own unit.

“Here we go, old shits, we got two new puppies here, perfect meat for the gooks of course,” Richard said. He looked at how uncomfortable the new boys were. 

“Man, you’re gonna love The Nam,” Orly came out of the bunker with a grin in his face.

“Hey, tall guy, what’s your name? where are you from?” Ed Spears asked, “you look just like me,” he pointed at himself and the other grunts laughed.

“We got the third Indian,” Dean added joyfully.

“I’m Clifford, from Pine Ridge, South Dakota, Sir” Gerald answered innocently.

“Oh damn,” Ed swore, “You’re a Lakota, we’re brothers then,” he gave his hand.

Gerald smiled in relieved, “good to see you,” he continued with some greetings in Sioux language that only Ed and himself could understand. 

“And you little buddy, you got that pretty face, where are you from?” Dean looked at Murphy.

The boy seemed so nervous, “Boston,” he answered.

“You gotta ask his name first, stupid,” Lee spoke to Dean.

“Yeah, your name?” Dean smiled big.

“Murphy MacManus,” Murphy said.

“Well, good God, new Irish,” Ed yelled, “how many Irish we got here?” everyone just laughed and Dean stopped smiling.

“Why don’t we got more Italians or Dutch?” Dean complained and seemed so tired seeing another Irish in the unit. He looked more bored than Lee because he himself was an Irish, and the dead boy Jack was, and the platoon medic Aidan was too. He surely knew more guys whose surnames begin with O, Mac or Mc in the unit.

“Because there are so many Irish in this platoon and you are the newest one, hell, I hope you’re the last one, I think we’re gonna call you Junior,” Richard said, “any idea, old grunts?” he waited anyone to give objection, but everyone seemed agree.

“Hey L.T, this Clifford got a Lakota name, we can call him by that name, like you did to me,” Ed interrupted.

“My Lakota name is Tokala, means Fox,” Gerald explained.

“Good idea,” Richard nodded satisfyingly, “Foxy will be good.”

The guys yelled triumphantly. This was a kind of hilarious ceremony only this platoon did for every new guys in the unit. Something Richard started since Lee and other first guys came in and joined him. Maybe he didn’t even realize that it made every man who joined him experienced a wonderful brotherhood, no matter if they were just short-timers.

“For Foxy and Junior,” Richard offered his whiskey-filled canteen to the new boys to try.

“Take it boys, for your initiation,” Lee instructed and the boys took one little sip. The grunts laughed at Murphy who almost got choked by the whiskey burn in his throat.

“Alright boys, working with me ain’t really hard. I don’t need stupid fucking formalities, just do as I say, and don’t die,” Richard said calmly but sounds very serious and dangerous at the same time, “and, don’t mess with me, you do, and you’re gonna think you best die.”

“Yes, Sir,” the boys looked at each other, actually had no idea about how they would work with the team here. 

 

“Well, Junior, you’re in my squad now,” Lee said, showing the young Irish boy his new cot. 

“Yes, Sergeant Pace,” Murphy sat down on his cot and put his load on the floor, but he forgot to take his helmet off.

“Take that helmet off, damn it, you ain’t gonna get shot here,” Lee giggled.

“I’m sorry,” Murphy put the helmet next to him. He looked at Lee shyly. He was probably already intimidated by the sergeant’s height and posture. 

“Take it easy man,” Lee smiled, “just do the right thing here, stay alive, don’t die and go home. I’m damn tired knowing people stay here longer than they should be. That’s not gonna be good for you.”

“How long have you been here, Sarge?” Murphy asked.

“Longer than you could think about,” Lee shrugged, “many TODs and it ain’t good.” 

Murphy made a confused look.

“Don’t ask me why,” Lee sighed before the boy asked him again, “take your time and don’t get your ass kicked by the gooks.”

When Lee came out, other grunts come in. Soon, the new boy was surrounded by them with questions and jokes.

“Hey, I wanna tell you something,” 

Lee glanced to left and right, searching for the voice, “well,” he smiled, seeing Richard came out of the dark shade of late dusk. 

“I got something to do in Cu Chi next week,” Richard said, “Would you like to come with me?”

“Wait,” Lee rolled his eyes, “Is this a kinda date or something?” he whispered.

“Maybe sorta,” Richard shrugged with a big grin in his face, “it’s only you and me, you know, I let Brody stay to take over here.”

Lee blushed, “what are you gonna do there?” he asked.

“Some usual shitty stuff and I need to talk to Wenham too,” Richard said.

“About the massacre?” Lee guessed.

Richard nodded, “It bothers me since Tony told me that day.”

“Yeah, alright then,” Lee put his hand in Richard’s shoulder and the lieutenant put his own hand on it.

Lee watched Richard left and he was about going back inside when he almost shocked to death, realized that someone watching him.

“Ah, Jesus, Bloom!” Lee snorted and kept walking like nothing happened until Orly stopped him.

“Can I talk to you, Skeet?” Orly’s face was serious, making Lee felt uneasy.

“Yeah?” Lee tried to look calm and fine.

“What’s that between you and Crazy Dick?” Orly asked straightway. 

“What?” Lee laughed awkwardly. He never thought Orly would ask that very question to him. He never even imagined someone getting suspicious about that. Now he realized how naïve he was.

“Don’t be fuckin fool, Pace,” Orly chuckled satirically, “you hide something from everyone here. You got closer to him, something you never done before. You talk to him everytime. You can even talk to him that way, make him laugh and happy the way nobody could here. I noticed it better than anyone else, because I know you.”

“Bloom, I don’t know what…”

Orly’s face got more annoying, “I’ve seen you _kissed_ our platoon leader that night. Are you gonna keep shitting around?”

“Ah, _that’s you?_ ” Lee gawked for a second before crossed his arms in his chest. He was caught in the act by one of his best friends in this platoon. His face was burned in red. He definitely had no idea what to do.

“Yeah that was me, Pace,” Orly said, “He is your _boyfriend_ , ain’t he?”

Lee didn’t answer. He seemed so numb facing problem right before his eyes and he went all sudden stupid.

“Answer me,” Orly started pushing around.

“Yes, he is,” Lee constantly answered before Orly pushed him deeper, “now you’re gonna tell me that I’m into fuckin trouble, right? I know that better than you. I knew that as soon as I realized he was something different to me. That very first time I looked at him in different way, I know I’m into trouble, that fucking court-martial shit and Long Binh nightmare. But I just can’t lie to myself anymore, Bloom. This is something you all guys here can never understand!”

“Calm down, Pace,”

“Are you gonna tell everyone about this shit? Reporting this to the battalion? Seeing my ass kicked to Long Binh?” Lee honestly knew that inside he didn’t want to ask all of these moronic questions. He just couldn’t stop.

“Are you real retarded or what?” Orly got annoyed now, “If I want it, both of you ain’t gonna be here anymore. Can’t you show me a lil gratitude, Pace? Be thankful it was me, not anyone else. They’re gonna hate you to the bone if they know this shit.”

Lee sighed in frustration, “sorry, Bloom. I didn’t mean to. I’m just trying to keep my commonsense works here, but I can’t. I can’t deny my feeling, but will you hate me now, Bloom? Seeing that I’m nothing but a _fag_ or _cocksucker shit_?”

“What are you talking about, Pace?” Orly face got softened, “I disagree with such thing. I was kinda shock too, seeing you, and mostly Dick, well. But what kinda shit I am if I hate my best pal, here in this goddamned hell, someone who had walked with me so long?”

Lee smiled, getting little bit kind of moved by Orly’s words, “thanks for still being the same man I’ve known for ages.”

“Don’t mind,” Orly smiled big like he always did, “at least now you ain’t single anymore, Pace.”

“Damn,” Lee rolled his eyes.

“And, you _ain’t virgin anymore_ right?” Orly made the most annoying grin in his face.

“The fuck! I didn’t even have a chance to kiss him, and that’s because of you!”

 

Camp Cu Chi, U.S Army Military Base, Northwest of Saigon, South Vietnam

Lee would be in the rear area for two or three days. He would do nothing but accompanied his lieutenant doing several things, apparently. Things seemed way too much better here. They were going to enjoy sleeping in clean room with good air circulation, free shower, proper meals, and nice bar. It had been quite long since Lee left this place, and the longing was so clear. 

They arrived at the base in the late afternoon. Richard disappeared so quickly, so Lee could just wait for him to come back. He took an easy walk, seeing the crowd and the dusk. He didn’t count how many days left without shower. Water was scarce in the patrol base and the guys could only take proper cleaning once in several weeks. They would go to the nearby river, doing things in turn, while they were bathing and cleaning, the others watching, and vice versa. So, surely the first good thing he did here was taking shower.

Richard came back when it was already dark. He talked to his old fellow Pepper who was transferred from B Company to the HQ and also Major Wenham, the battalion executive officer. He hadn’t seen them for quite long time. These were the people he could only talk to about the massacre. He heard some bad news from them that he didn’t want to discuss at this very moment.

“What are we gonna do now?” Lee asked.

Richard went thoughtful for a moment, “a shower?” he smiled.

“How many days we didn’t hear that word?” Lee giggled, seeing how lousy Richard was in that dirt and sweat covered fatigue.

“Ages, I even had to process that word in my brain,” Richard laughed. 

 

“Are we gonna coming in together?” Lee blushed. He stopped in the shower room door.

“Sure,” Richard said easily, “we don’t have to share one shower, you can pick whatever fuck you want.”

“Ah, alright,” Lee followed his lieutenant. He went numb for a moment as Richard started taking his boots off.

“What are you doing there, pumpkin?” Richard snorted seeing how awkward his sergeant was, “are you gonna take shower or not?”

Lee nodded. He started with his boots and then his shirt. He turned around when he had to take that trouser off his body. Thinking he was too naïve but he didn’t want to see what Richard was doing. He just walked to the shower and turned the tap on.

He was absolutely anxious. This was only Richard who stayed there with him. There were so many kinds of _dirty fantasy_ that could come to his mind at this very moment but he tried so hard to stay positive. He was naked, if he trapped himself in dirty thoughts, he must be hard and Richard would—well, he didn’t know how Richard would react to that. 

“Are you alright, Lee?” Richard asked. He was taking shower next to Lee, and the younger man didn’t even realize it.

Lee almost jumped, “how, how could you be here?” he asked panickly. His hands cupped his groin and he went all blushed in red. 

“I was here since the beginning,” Richard winced in question, “what’s the matter with you?”

“I’m sorry, I, um,” Lee stuttered, he looked at Richard in the eye, not going to lie, he was nervous as hell.

Richard could see it, “I ain’t gonna do anything, just take it easy, I can scrub your back if you want.”

Lee just got blushed even worse than before, “are you serious?” he snorted sheepishly. 

Richard nodded with a big smile, “turn around.”

Lee did as Richard told. He could feel every inch of Richard’s finger on his upper back. The soap water slid down to the crack of his butt. He remained silent and calm. Richard got rough fingers, but he liked them running on his skin. The water was cold, but the temperature mixed with Richard’s warm palm, and it felt extraordinarily good.

“Feeling better?” Richard whispered. Lee nodded and he continued. He was trying so hard to calm as well. He didn’t count how many times he swallowed his own spit for this. In the deep of his heart, he was just an ordinary man. He loved Lee with all of his heart and unconditionally, but man couldn’t deny the _sexual fantasy_ in mind. He tried to keep his sight straight forward, but sometimes he looked down at the firm meaty bulge of Lee’s bum. He adored the broad shoulders and the contrast difference of his slim waist. The freckles decorated almost the whole of Lee’s shoulders down to his upper back and his arms, and Richard loved seeing them already.

“Your turn? If you don’t mind?” Lee asked, trying to break the silence.

“Yeah, sure,” Richard turned around. He saw Lee moved his eyes away from the bottom part of his body.

“I’ve seen you naked before,” Lee lost the control over his mouth. He later regretted it so much.

“Really?” Richard chuckled. He felt Lee’s soapy hand tracing over his nape and down to the back of his shoulders. He got goosebumps and surely Lee could feel it under his palm.

“Yeah, when we returned from the hamlet, that was a long damn bad day,” Lee told as he stole to look down at Richard’s bottom. Even when the lieutenant was clothed, his bum was something Lee _couldn’t deny._ Without anything covered it, it clearly looked amazingly nice, meaty and he tried so hard not to touch it. He stopped his hand at the small of Richard’s back.

“Did you see everything?” Richard tested.

“No,” Lee smiled coyly, his cheeks were radiant in red, “only your stupid ass,” so bad, he went bold this time.

“Hm, I bet you’re looking at it now,” Richard laughed. And Lee, who went hot and cold in shame finally laughed too. 

It was really really awkward but later they come out of the shower and still—nothing happened between them. 

 

Lee never forgot that it was the 22nd day of August. This meant Richard’s birthday. He turned 27 this year, and three days in Cu Chi was a good time to celebrate his birthday. What funny was, Richard didn’t even remember that. He was bothered by other things, like the talk with the officers about the massacre. Or that he was too tired, all day long in the patrol base, taking few hours of flight to go here. He started all from the early morning, didn’t even had enough time to sleep. So it was normal if he didn’t even remember. Luckily, he had Lee who would remind him about it. 

“I can smell your perfume here even after the bacon,” Lee teased after the dinner. 

“I guess it’s you who sprayed too much cologne on your damn shirt,” Richard’s eyes pinned down to the wet mark on Lee’s armpits.

“Oh hell, it was just spilled out, it ain’t mine anyway, it’s Bloom’s,” Lee said coyly.

“Why on earth you’re even on cologne?, it ain’t you,” Richard shook his head.

“Yeah whatever you’re sayin,” Lee played his tongue inside his cheek.

“Bar?” Richard smirked.

“That’s our plan, ain’t it?” Lee grinned.

 

The bar wasn’t really crowded like the last time they got there. There was no pretty performance too. There were only guys sitting together with beers, some on the stool taking booze and got drunk. This was the best thing Richard could see in months, getting drunk safely. He ordered two shot glasses of whiskey.

“I heard bad news from Pepper this afternoon,” Richard started talking about what he had discussed the whole late afternoon.

“What’s that?” Lee took the shot.

“The chopper crews were missing after the failed mission near Laos’s border,” Richard sighed in disappointment.

“Damn,” Lee hissed, “so we had nothing anymore to prove that shit in court martial?”

Richard nodded, “probably yes. I hope one of them had make some kinda testimonies, but I don’t know, they’ve been missing for quite long time.”

“What about the one Tony told you? Is there any hope to find him?” Lee asked.

“I thought the person Tony told wasn’t here anymore. He must be in the other platoon, and we know most of them are short-timers. Even that shitface Dillon left two months ago before I could smash his fucking face,” Richard went more upset than he expected.

“The only thing we can do is tracking them down back to the mainland which is goddamned impossible. We can’t check every town to find them all,” Lee said pessimistically.

Richard took the shot, “all those bastards are covered up. It’s fucked up that their rotation ended soon after that shit happened, so we couldn’t drag their asses up to court-martial. We can’t get outta here now. Jack and Tony died, so it will be only Bloom, you and me here who witnessed how it all happened.”

“If both of us get stuck here, we have to make sure Bloom can leave in January,” Lee nodded surely.

“We all will get outta here, Lee,” Richard corrected.

Lee’s head down, “yeah,” he muttered.

Hours passed. Their eyes were already reddened by the booze. Air got too hot in the bar and everything turned not-so-good anymore.

“Come out?” Lee asked.

“Yeah, now,” Richard moved up from the stool.

 

“Do you remember what day is it?” Lee asked purposedly.

“Sure, it’s Monday,” Richard winced in respond to Lee's silly question.

“What date is it?” Lee tested once more.

“August 22nd,” Richard nodded innocently.

“Alright,” Lee smirked, “do you miss something?” he finally asked.

“Let me guess,” Richard was thoughtful only to remember easy things he missed today.

“Are you pretending to forget or what?” Lee laughed.

“No, what did I miss today?” Richard stopped in the front of the armory building.

“Richard, it’s your _birthday_ today,” Lee said softly with an adorable smile on his half drunk face.

“Geez,” Richard giggled ticklishly, “really?”

Lee nodded patiently, “I’m not gonna blame you, you are bothered by many things today, you’re tired, I know that. That’s why I remind you.”

“I can’t believe it,” Richard laughed.

“I wanna show you something,” Lee moved to the back of the building.

“What’s that?” Richard followed to the darkness.

Lee took a wooden beads bracelet out of his pocket. He pulled Richard’s wrist gently as he put the bracelet on it, “happy birthday, Richard.”

The moonlight reflected in Richard’s face, showing Lee how blushed he was, “thank you.”

“This bracelet has been with me since I was a baby, my grandmother made it for me, but I think it’s good on you,” Lee said with a coy smile as usual.

“Lee this is too much, you know,” Richard felt bad.

“No, take it easy. This has been the part of me for so long, and now I give it to you, I hope you’re another part of me that will last forever, Richard,” Lee sought into Richard’s eyes.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Richard took Lee’s hand and held it tight, “I love you, Lee.”

“I love you too,” Lee moved closer until he finally hugged Richard out of his control.

Richard moved his hands up and down, caressing the small of Lee’s back. He was beyond happy. He didn’t expect this emotional surprise. So funny that he even forgot that he was born in this day 27 years ago in Leicestershire, England, at the same date King Richard III of England died hundreds years before. Soon as he saw the world, his parents named him Richard, after the King. 

“I can’t give you much more than that,” Lee said close to Richard’s ear, “but let me know how this one feels,” he moved slowly to Richard’s lip and just touching his lips on him. It was just lips to lips but the vibration shocked his whole body already.

Richard closed his eyes when he finally knew how Lee’s lips actually felt like. Puffy, soft and wet. He opened his eyes when the sergeant was done and smiled.

“I don’t know how to,” Lee stumbled in his own words, his blushing cheeks were so clear even in the darkness, “I’ve never done this before, Richard.”

“Let me guide you,” Richard pulled Lee’s head down a little bit. He kissed Lee chastitiedly first until he used his tongue to help him opened Lee’s tight closed lips.

“Just relax,” Richard stopped for a moment as Lee didn’t open his mouth at all, “and follow me,” he smiled, brushing his nose on Lee’s and caressing his nape softly until he relaxed.

Lee followed this time. He let himself enjoy how delightful Richard wet lips on his were. His mouth slightly opened and Richard’s tongue slid in a little bit. The lieutenant kept stroking the nape of his neck to make him losing all of his clumsiness. Richard made a little sound when kissing and it fascinated him. Richard didn’t really use his tongue after that as he only played with his lips. He was clearly experienced in such thing to make Lee almost fainted.

Richard forgot how a good kiss felt like until he tasted Lee’s lips. It was something big that he finally could kiss Lee, bigger than the feeling he had when he kissed a girl for the first time in his teenage years. He knew it was just a kiss but he had to wait for a very long time with all kind of patience he had. Now he knew how Lee felt like in the very right moment— in his birthday. Thus, it would be the best birthday he ever had, in Vietnam, or maybe in his whole life. He never loved someone as he loved Lee now, and he was grateful to have him on his side and to give what he never had.

Lee pulled Richard’s bottom lip softly before let it go to take some breath, “I don’t believe this,” he gawked in shocking happiness.

“But you made it,” Richard caressed Lee’s cheek and brushed Lee’s bottom lip with his thumb where he could see the kiss left soft lines on it. 

“I don’t know that a kiss could almost kill me,” Lee took a deep breath. He put his arms on Richard’s shoulders and let him pushed him against the wall.

“So glad you didn’t get heartattack,” Richard nibbled on Lee’s ear, made the sergeant shuddered in ecstasy. He sniffed Lee’s neck where it smelt so good by the mixture of cologne and sweat. So he kissed Lee’s long neck and down to his collarbone.

“Richard, please,” Lee pleaded when it was too much more than he could handle.

Richard looked up, he smiled and moved away a little bit until Lee pulled him back and kissed him passionately. Lee was still a mess of course, so he helped him. He shoved his tongue in until Lee responded to it and he pushed him hard until the sergeant’s body thudded against the wall. 

“I wanna be with you forever,” Lee said in Richard’s mouth when they finished.

“I know, me too, and I wanna tell you,” Richard stroked the side of Lee’s face, “I never loved someone as big as I love you now.”

Lee smiled. There was a small drop of tear in the corner of his eyes. He wondered how it felt like to be loved by someone, like many people did. He had enough love from his family, especially his mother, but he always questioned the different feeling to be had with someone he would meet someday. Someone who was stranger at first place and by conversations the impression could change. He had waited something like this for so long, and here it came. Love could go wherever it wanted to, and it came to a lieutenant, the leader of his platoon, someone he once thought would never get along with anyone with all of his unusual inconvenient manners. 

Richard wiped the tears in Lee’s eyes, “I always asked myself for so long if I’m really into this, and I answered to myself that _I am_. I have no doubt to tell because I know loving you isn’t a fault, what’s wrong here is just why now, at the time we all are bothered by anxiety and pain. I’m afraid I can’t make you happy with this kind of life.”

“We can be happy wherever we are, Richard, even in hell, because we’re already there. It’s here, it’s now, when everything seems so wrong, but I don’t give my feeling up. I believe this feeling can never be wrong because I had waited this for my whole life, to love and to be loved,” Lee dropped another tears but he laughed because he was confused with the emotion he felt.

Richard pulled Lee into his embrace where he hugged him like eternity. His emotion was mixed up and it forced him to shed a tear too. In the embrace of a man he already loved too much now, he seemed like giving up himself to him undoubtedly. He was ready to whatever coming in in the future. Sooner or later, he didn’t care anymore. What he knew was he loved this man more than he did to anyone else in his past, and he would rather die than losing him in this brutal and merciless place. 

They looked at each other eyes, enjoying happiness and sadness more than they ever did before, and they kissed again under Vietnam beautiful moonlight. 

 

Second day in Cu Chi. 05.00 PM. 

“Hey, Richard, are you still wondering who caught us that night?” Lee asked in the late afternoon.

“Yeah, but I don’t know why it doesn’t bothers me too much now,” Richard answered as he put his sunglasses on.

“Because you don’t need to anymore,” Lee grinned with a cigarette slipped between his lips.

“Really, why?” Richard shrugged.

“I found out who that lil scumbag was,” Lee gropped his pocket for a zippo.

“Damn, who was that?” Richard got more curious.

“Guess who?” Lee mumbled.

“One of our men, of course, but I don’t know who,” Richard ran his fingers into Lee’s fatigues pocket, making the sergeant jumped surprisedly, only to get his cigarettes out. 

“The good news, he was just Bloom,” Lee said, “The bad news is, he knows about us, and what we’ve done so far.”

“Did you tell him about us?” Richard put his glasses off.

Lee chuckled mockingly, “he caught us kissing, touching each other, Richard. I don’t need to tell to make him understand what we are doing. Besides, what kinda relationship a platoon leader and one of his squad leaders had that way?”

“I know, I know,” Richard started getting annoyed, “I’m just concerned, is he really trusted to keep this secret.”

“I knew him, quite long before I even knew you,” Lee explained, “he’s my best buddy, Rich. He ain’t gonna stab me in the back, just because I’m different, we are different from him and other people.”

Richard smiled, “I’m always skeptical to things, but not to you, so, maybe I can trust him.”

Lee blushed and giggled sheepishly, “oh come on.”

“Hey! Look what we got here,” Richard stopped in front of a row of army-green colored military motorcycles.

“Well, _1956 Peugeot_ , French Army,” Lee touched one of the motorcycles tank. He was always crazy about motorcycles for a long time.

“You know a lotta things, kid,” Richard commented.

Lee hummed and looked up at his boyfriend, “for this kinda stuff, yes I do. I had an old _Indian_ motorcycle at home, the one I always rode to school back then.”

“This must belong to the reconnaissance patrol,” Richard said.

“Those guys?” Lee pointed at some men walked toward them.

Richard nodded and shouted to the guys, “hey, man, can we get these bikes for a moment? We’d like to ride these badass buddies.”

“But we’re doing business, grunt,” one of them answered.

“Come on, just a moment, we’re gonna get ‘em back to you, back right here,” Richard pleaded. He knew Lee really wanted to ride it, so he tried to convince the patrol members.

“Any guarantee?” the patrolman asked.

Richard gropped his front trousers pocket, took out three packs of Marlboro, and one small bottle of gin that Major Wenham gave as a present and threw them to the man, “happy?”

The patrolmen laughed and agreed, they gave two of their motorcycles and left.

Lee smiled childishly. It was the first time Richard saw the real inner-child and passion in Lee’s eyes. He bet he needed to discover more things about Lee, for sure.

Richard didn’t have passion on motorcycles as big as Lee, but one of his little brothers did. They had a British motorcycle— _Triumph_ back at home, and sometimes he took it on an easy ride around the town. Motorcycle brought back some sweet memories, of home and freedom, and he was happy to be nostalgic this time.

Lee kickstarted the bike and Richard followed him, “You look cool on bike,” he said, giving comments about Richard on a motorcycles with his glasses on.

“Actually everytime, I correct you,” Richard teased while started moving the bike by going to the first gear. 

“Yeah, one of my reasons why I fall into you,” Lee put his black sunglasses on and moved his bike following Richard. 

“You happy?” Richard smiled as they rode a little bit faster.

Lee nodded, looking at Richard and shifted to the front in turn, “more than that. Thank’s Rich. Sorry about your cigs and gin. Well, you don't really need to do that.”

“Don’t mind about them. Goddamned stuff can’t replace experience,” Richard released the clutch slowly.

“You’re the best man I’ve ever known in this life, Lieutenant,” Lee laughed, tried to catch Richard’s speed.

Then, they rode around the base. The wind blew stronger as they accelerated into bigger gear, but this was what good about a motor ride. Feeling forever young and free. They laughed and yelled out, doing some stand up action and handsfree riding, losing all life’s crap, like there would be no tomorrow. Riding together towards the setting sun in the most beautiful twilight they could ever had through the tough years in Vietnam.

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary:  
> *Mr. Charles: along with Charlie and Chuck, was NATO lingo code for Communist.


End file.
